Adultery accusations

[Tis_Bearself]

I see. Thank you for the clarification.

I agree with the poster above who said that your husband’s behavior is emotionally abusive and also indicates that he himself has some mental issues. The fact that you said this behavior erupts when your husband is undergoing stress, and that you said he used to be a drinker, and that you further said he grew up in a dysfunctional abusive environment as a child with an alcoholic for a father, suggests to me that he never learned how to handle stress without engaging in some kind of destructive behavior, such as drinking and verbally abusing his family.

If you still love your husband, have enough “sweet moments” that the abuse isn’t escalating (or the picture is improving since you both stopped drinking) and you want to stay with him, I would suggest that you get some kind of counseling just for yourself - not couples counseling but just for you - to help you work through the anger. You might also ask your priest about coping strategies.

Your staying with him will require you to have to “tune out” a lot of his baloney going forward. Some spouses can do this without risk to their physical or mental or emotional health, and some can’t.

 

[Irishmom2]

@do_justly_love_mercy, I think you have probably written one of the most important posts here. I have been following this thread and could not imagine why anyone would endure such abuse, because you are right, that is exactly what it is. The OP’s husband needs professional help on his own as does the OP before they begin couple’s counseling. But if anything, the OP should go for herself.

OP, your children are watching. They are learning that this is what marriage is like and may even think it’s normal. Even if they know it’s wrong, they are still going to be affected by it. You have to end the dance you and your husband are doing around the problem.

 

[Jen95]

He sounds like a complete jerk. A narcissist. Do you have a way to get out?

 

[Chistian-ity]

What a journey to get here and find dissatisfaction and emptiness and anger. You went through hoops just to prove that you have remained faithful to your spouse, but in the end you aren’t sure if it will do anything for his distrust which is ingrained in him from a traumatic past. It must have been hard enduring all of that abuse. I’d say to try to place yourself in God’s presence and offer up your emotions and ask for help. Then try to understand his view. Maybe he’s hurting just as much. I wouldn’t advise being confrontational. But most importantly seek help from a pro who knows what they are doing. Talk to a priest too, and to God. I myself know not much so my best advice is to go to those that do.