Adultery & Pregnant

  • Thread starter Thread starter tsol
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tsol said:
She sent abusive messages to me recently. Calling us adulterous pair, that I’m a shameless divorcee, stuffs like who is the fiddle and diddle etc etc. I deserved it cos I “steal” her husband.

Yes, I have lost my job but financially I’m still able to tide through till the child is born.
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That’s hardly surprising. A few wives rather like it when their husbands get other women, but only a few. Mostly the other woman is resented.

If they get back together again she’s probably looking at a big bill for child support. So she won’t be a happy bunny. However you need to ask for money if you intend to raise the baby yourself, in fairness to him. Children are very expensive. They’ll just ahve to sort things out between them.
 
Experience the mercy of GOD and return to confession. I once sank into deep depression because I thought I could not be forgiven for what I had done. Remember the Good Shepherd rejoices over your return more so than he rejoices over the 99 who are in full communion with him already. You are being thought of now.
 
Katie1723 said:
I believe the husband is responsible for “hurting his family” And the OP has the right to attend the church of her choice.
You are right,however, the “other woman” always gets the most flak.
Kathy
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You are right about the husband, but really, should the wife have this woman in her face? I’ll be honest, as bad as I feel for the OP, I feel more for the wife. I’m not always a nice person. I’m not always a good Christian. I would be pissed at both parties and you can bet both of them would know it.

Sure the OP has a right to attend Mass. Yes, she has a right to attend any church she wants. However, out of respect of the wife and children of SOB, it would be nice if she tried not to attend the Mass this family is at. That would show a certain level of remorse, doncha think?

I see that the OP is from Asia. I don’t know about her area, but my town has five Catholic Churches with-in a fifteen minute drive from my house. If the OP is in the same kind of area, why not go to a different church? Be nice to the family at least.

Kim
 
mesquite_magic said:
You are right about the husband, but really, should the wife have this woman in her face? …
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The guy should have thought about what he was doing and the resulting consequences. No his wife didn’t “ask” for it. But if they all attend the same church, why does the “other woman” have to go somewhere else? If I were the wife, I’d boot the husband out, hold my head up and go to mass where I wanted. If anyone was the innocent party, she surely was. As far as the “other woman” , yes she made some poor choices, but now there is a child involved and she should make the father responsible.

Kathy
 
Katie1723 said:
why does the “other woman” have to go somewhere else? Kathy
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Because that would make her gracious. It would probably not be a difficult thing to do. It would ease the pain she has caused a family.
 
tsol, If you’d like, please feel free to pm me. My daughter was conceived as the result of an affair (I was single, he was married). Please, do go to confession. There may be only a few people who will even try to understand or care about the emotional and spiritual roller coaster you’re on, especially if they have been hurt by an adulterous spouse. But, as one who has gone through the consiquences of the same actions I can tell you, that only by the grace of God will you make it through. Again, if you need to voice out your struggles to someone who’s been there, done that, please feel free to contact me. It has been almost four years of dealing with the consequences of the affair that I was involved in and while I will be living with the fact that one day I’ll have to tell my daughter about what happened, I will never regret having her, just the way that I went about it.
 
Katie1723 said:
And the husband? Where does HE go?

Kathy
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Who cares!

That is not up to the OP. It is not her business. He used her and she fell for his lies.

Maybe they will divorce. Mabye not. Maybe he will get another woman pregnant and maybe this is not his first infidelity. If she were not pregnant it would probably still be going on. What drove him away from her is the pregnancy. I am no expert on the matter, but generally when people get involved with a sin like this it is not a lone occurence.

He needs to be made responsible for child support if possible. One post said he was leaving the country for a job, so good luck on that one.

Maye he will repent. He is a bad guy, bad husband, bad father. Where he goes tochurch is not the OP’s problem. It would be good for her to not see him in church or anywhere. She is pregnant by a married man while they both were attending Mass and presumably receiving the sacraments. She has a son who sees his mother’s example. What our hope for all is that they turn from sin and grow in holiness. It is not a matter of who is the good guy here. As always it is the children who suffer.
 
Dear all,

I went to see the parish priest two days ago and will be going for confession on Mon.

Will try to another church for mass. My son will attend the catechism class in 2009 (when he is 7) and the other church do have class for kids of 7 and above.

What is done cannot be undone. I know I was terribly wrong and am willing to face all the consequences. I’m more concern about my life (and my children) than what is going to happen to him.

As for the him…, he could run away and be a coward for the rest of his life…

Very much appreciated for all your help.
 
Wonderful news you are returning to the sacrament. It will be a new beginning and oh the rejoicing. 😉
 
Hi

Can god and the church accepted me for what I have done?

Nope, sorry ………. You will die and goto hell. Ok, really, chill, relax ………. There’s no such thing as god so you’ll be fine. And anyway, why the heck do you want to go back to the catholic cult anyway? ………. Can’t you find something more fun to do on Sundays. Like having sex with married men !!!

Andy
 
tsol,

Praise God, He has given you the grace and courage to go to confession. This kind of sin is a terrible thing for ALL parties involved. (the reason God gave us commandments, for our own good) It is a tragedy all the way around, but God ***can and does ***turn things around through the sacraments and prayer. You have received some good advice from some good people, but only you can make the final decision. Right now, indeed, you are on an emotional roller coaster, you need professionals that can help guide you. Your parish priest is an excellent place to start. You have made a very good decision already to see the priest and schedule a confession appointment. God is already helping you and showering His love for you. Trust me, all of heaven will rejoice at your return!

One thing you must keep in mind is that this man cannot be trusted. He betrayed his wife and family, he will betray you. (already has by running) An important point to keep at the front and center of your mind.

I will keep your intention in my daily rosary. BTW, do you say the rosary? (here I go again:rolleyes: ) It is one of the most powerful forms of prayer we have. (next to Mass) It is THE WEAPON. If you’re not in the habit of saying it, try it, you will NOT be disappointed! The Rosary is chocked full of great graces.

To Jesus Thru Mary
 
Teelynn said:
:rolleyes: I would like to respond to that, but…then I would have to go to confession!
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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I thought it, but I didn’t want to say it.:signofcross:

((((((tsol))))))) I hope you didn’t think we were picking on you. I understand your pain and I really hope things work out for you. I’m glad you are going to confession. It will make you feel so much better.

Kim
 
Katie1723 said:
I know where he SHOULD go, but I was refering to what church he should go.:rolleyes:

Kathy
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If he is going to work on keeping his family together, then he should attend church with them. If his wife needs time apart, then he should honor her wishes and attend a different Mass (but not the one attended by the OP - it wouldn’t be good for anyone).

How sad all around.
 
You know what, what done is done there is nothing that you can do to undo what has happened. Things are not going to be easy for you and it is going to be a struggle you will be hated, resented called all the names under the sun.

At the end of the day you are both to blame you went into this affair with your eyes wide open. At least you are sorry for what you did and trying to make amends. Don’t beat yourself up about it you made a mistake and have ask God forgiveness now move on with you life. As I said what is done is done let it go and move on.

I was married for 12 years and have 2 kids two years ago my husband had an affair with a 19 year old girl that he works with got her pregnant. I kicked him out the house, I fell apart, I tried to kill myself I was so miserable and unhappy. Forgetting that for the past 9 years he was abusive both physically and emotionally. Today we are divorced and he gave up everything for this girl even his own kids who he loved more than anything in the world.

Sometimes things are just not meant to be. We all make mistakes and are not perfect. In the beginning I blamed the girl but she was not to blame she was the child he was the adult. He was the one to blame as he new that he was married he should never have gotten himself into that situation but he did. And ther is nothing anybody can do about it.

Let it go and let him go. It is not easy as you really thought that there was a future for you guys. But you made a mistake dust yourself off and move on. God is not to blame for what happened. So you cannot stop praying and going to church becoz of the mistakes you made. Instead move towards God and let him be your guide. That is what I did I let go and let God guide me in the right direction.

I went to a women’s conference last year. And there was a powerful speaker there a women. And when she spoke it was like she was talking to me. So what if you are divorced, so what if you were raped, so what if you had an affair, so what if you are fat, skinny, tall or thin etc. She said tell God everything unburden everything if you did something wrong speak about it and put it in a toolbox and let it go. The devil tries to bring us down and say things to us to bring us down but when we talk about it and walk tall he hates it.

Before I used to be ashamed and not want to talk about my problems and thinking by keeping it a secret that if people find out they are going to talk about me etc, etc. Today I tell people you know what my husband left me for a younger women and got her pregnant, I tried to kill myself with tablets, I had nervous breakdowns and was seing a psychiatrist for 9 years, I was in an abusive relationship emotionally and physically, I had a relationship while still married (Even though I was separated for a year before the divorce). But I am not ashamed I am standing I have repent for my sins and have asked forgiveness. I know that God is guiding me in the right direction and with him all things are possible.

Stand tall, dust yourself off and move forward. You need to think about that beautiful little life inside of you who needs you to be strong and not be stressed and unhappy as you don’t want to have a miserable pregnancy. Continue to go to church, continue to pray and just let go. He is the fool at the end of the day he did not only hurt his family but also you. And be honest with your kids and tell them the truth don’t hide things from them.

Take care, good luck, hand in there. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be strong there is also you son to think about he needs you. Right now concentrate on your pregnancy, you son and sorting your life out. Once the baby is born then you can worry about the financial support from the babies father right now you do not need that stress. He needs to support his child financially if he does not want to be a part of the babies life then leave him it is your baby and a blessing from God.
 
as some posters have pointed out, it is okay to be honest about your own part in this situation, and you have done exactly right, turned to the Church for the healing of Christ, and found the strength to make the best decisions for your child. Do not take upon yourself, however, the guilt which properly belongs on other persons, esp. this man. that is an inverted pride. You seem to have the ability to see clearly what you have to do, and the will to do it, thanks be to God.

the only thing I want to add from a long experience of sin as a sinner, victim and innocent bystander is that God can and does, turn even a circumstance that begins in sin and evil into good, beyond our wildest imagination, “God makes all things new” and He ALWAYS works in this way for those who actively seek his will, accept his mercy and grace and open themselves to the action of the Holy Spirit. I predict this child will be a source of great joy for you, no matter how your life plays out.
 
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