adultery?

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reallymessedup

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I am married, he is married, we are not married to each other.
Please dont tell me to go to counceling.

I let him kiss me and i kissed him back. It felt really good. I havent had that feeling in 20+ years! I was l-l that close to making love to him but i just couldnt do it.

I went to confession and asked God to remove these feelings. He did, but i still think about him ALOT.

I dont want to be “with” him in that way. I get that “feeling” just holding hands or hugging.
I know that I will never make love to him and I continue to ask God for help.

Even with that, i still think about what it would be like to “be” with him but I know i wont do it.
I only see him 1x each week and that can not be avoided not do i really deep down want to avoid him. I know what the right thing to do is, but I’m not sure I want to.
 
The grass is always greener.

What you experiencing is the excitement that goes along with any new relationship. What you have to realize is that if you pursued this, eventually this relationship would settle into a “normal” phase and you would be tempted for that excitement again.

Rather than give in, I recommend that you go to www.marriagebuilders.com and read up on the pain that adultery causes the other spouse.

Of course, if you are being abused, you should leave the person but that doesn’t give you right to date again. Also, recommend you talk again to your priest and get some solid spiritual direction.
 
reallymessedup said:
…

I know that I will never make love to him and I continue to ask God for help.

Even with that, i still think about what it would be like to “be” with him but I know i wont do it.
I only see him 1x each week and that can not be avoided not do i really deep down want to avoid him. I know what the right thing to do is, but I’m not sure I want to.
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Speaking to this part, its good that you continue to ask God for help, but…you have to do
your part- you say it can’t be avoided, well, really, everything can be avoided, and like you said, you really don’t want to avoid him.

Then, try looking at it another way, do you really want both of your souls in hell for all eternity, if not, then quit entertaining satan and all his works and empty promises. When you start to think about anything that you ought not to be thinking about-start praying and get your mind on the things of God.

When I was younger, my mother advised me to start praying a Hail Mary every time I had any thoughts that were not in line with good, wholesome, spiritual things—that helps - it’s simple, free and it really works. I believe satan flees in terror when we pray, I like the thought of him fleeing in terror, he deserves it for tempting us. We’re all weak in one way or another, turn to the Lord and He will comfort you and console you, stay in the state of grace and continue to ask His help.

I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
Do not see him anymore. It CAN be avoided, the only thing you cannot avoid is death.

Understand that to see this man IS death to your marriage and to his.

Pray for his wife.

Do not see him anymore.
 
Run, do not walk!! Find a way to avoid him, or at least minimize the amount of time you are with him. Can you and your husband get away alone for a weekend or even a night? Focus on your own husband–what you love about him, all his good qualities, all your great memories.

Do not consider an anullment, do not consider spending more time with this man or even thinking about him.

If you have been to confession, you need to have a firm commitment to amend your life. Amending your life means putting him out of your mind. Does you church have adoration? Spend some time with Our Lord there. Find a way to get to daily Mass even a few times a week–especially on the day that you might end up seeing this man.

Ask St Mary Magdalen and St Augustine to give you strength to resist this temptation. I will be praying for you.
 
Take it from someone who was in your exact position almost 10 years ago. Do NOT think about him. Do you remember that Jesus said if you even look at another you have commited adultery in your heart? Thinking about someone is worse than just looking. Thinking brings longing, longing brings temptation. Temptation brings sin - and you are very weak when you long for someone you shouldn’t.

Please don’t do this to yourself. I was not in the Church fully when I made my mistake - but I was on my way back. I heard a voice from God one night after I had given in to my temptation that I was “desecrating His temple and turning it into garbage”. Guess what? I was so enamored with my buddy that I ignored God’s message and continued doing what I was doing, and worse. IT TURNED INTO TOTAL DEVASTATION.

Please try to ignore your feelings as best as you can. It is a mortal sin to continue even thinking about him, and you will eventually lose control and do something you shouldn’t.

I’ve been in the same situation, I’m now divorced. I’m now single for life. It took a long time to realize that’s what God wants of me, and it could have been avoided had I listened to His Voice as well as the voices of my friends. I also almost commited suicide over it. And guess what - I DID go to counselling!

Please do not continue, your soul will be in jeopardy and God loves you too much to lose your soul for eternity.

Stay in your marriage and find new and exciting things to do with your husband. Both he and God will love you for it.

Please, for the sake of yourself, your husband, your “friend” and his wife. Please don’t continue or even plan on thinking about him.

I will pray for you because I can without a doubt relate and hopefully God will hear my prayers. I do not want anyone else to make the same mistake I did and you sound like you are headed in the direction I took. Please turn away. :signofcross:

God Bless,
Snert
 
The only suggestion I can make is what I do and practice.

When I have crazy thoughts enter my head, and sometimes they just slip right in, I immediately start an “Our Father.” Then, sometimes I start into a “Hail Mary.” Like a child who goes to her mother for comfort and support.

You may find yourself having said 20 “Our Fathers” and when done you slip back into thinking about this man. Well then, start your 21st “Our Father!”

Sometimes it’s more difficult when were are “faced” with the voices in our head, those thoughts that drive us crazy and bonkers. When it comes to being physically near, or not being physically near, it’s easier to remove ourself. But there is still what is going on inside our head that can seem tougher to avoid since, well … we can’t pluck our brains out. 😛

I had posted another thread about whether I was abusing prayer because whenever I felt the need to, I’d immediately start with “Our Father” and repeated it until I could get my thoughts in order and concentrate on what I needed to do. It does work. It gives me comfort.

So, the next time you find yourself thinking about this man, say the Lord’s Prayer, and you’ll redirect your thoughts to the great of them all, God. Then do your part by doing what you can to avoid this man for real, working on your marriage, going to Mass and constant confession if you need to, etc.

I’ll be praying for you.
 
pismopal said:
The kind of advise that non Catholics use to attack the credibility of Catholics…and some of them have none…credibility that is.😊
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But unfortunately, it’s post # 4 and they say their Religion is Roman Catholic.
Some of “us” obviously have no clue either, sad, isn’t it?:eek:

In any case OP (original poster), you’ve been given an abundance of advise here that is solid and in keeping with the Truth, please act on it and stay in the state of grace. God bless you for all your efforts and I think it is a great sign, since you said you frist went to Confession that you are determined to not let this get the best of you. Remember that the Marriage act is Sacred and do not desecrate your vows to God.
 
What you need to do is very simple: never see the guy again. Treat him as if he were carrying the plague. Curse him out lower than a dog, tell him to stay away, do whatever it takes to get him away from you.
 
Really Messed Up:

As All Hers said, our Brothers and Sisters have given you good and Godly advice. It’s up to you to follow it. I was in your situation once, except I was in the position of your man friend. I completely and utterly destroyed my marriage, along with I don’t know how many other lives, doing what this man is doing right now. The two of you may think that you won’t commit adultery, but I can almost guarantee that you will, because human nature and human need are just too strong, esp. if you feel you’re getting something from him you’re not getting from your husband.

The ONLY WAY to prevent more damage is to split, to break, to not see him. He obviously is more like I was than I would like to see, so you have to be the grown up here. This isn’t going to feel good at all, but it’s what you have to do, if you don’t want any more damage to be done than has been already done.
You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy? But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say,
“God opposes the proud
but favors the humble.”
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.

Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.

James 4:4-10, 13-17 NLT
​
The Lord has given us Himself to eat, which is all sweetness and all delight. The Lord has given us Himself, and He has promised that He will give us, and you, those feelings of ecstasy forever. Fall in love with the Lord, and the Lord will help you to fall in love with your husband again, and you won’t need this man.

We’re in a Spiritual War, and we need you to be in the “Line of Cambat” not Lost as a casualty somewhere along the “Line of March”. The ONLY ONE who wants you with theat man is the adversary of the brethren and of the People of God and of the People of Israel, the Devil, the Father of Lies, and he has ONLY ONE destination in mind for your soul and that of your friend. Thank God I escaped from his clutches. You can too. You know what to do…

You Brother and Servant in Christ, Michael
 
Tosk said:
What you need to do is very simple: never see the guy again. Treat him as if he were carrying the plague. Curse him out lower than a dog, tell him to stay away, do whatever it takes to get him away from you.
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Tosk:

Really Messed needs to leave this man, and to be certain that is what she needs to do for the sake of her soul and his. It’s better for her sake, and her soul’s, that this be done charitably and firmly. The last thing she needs to do is to curse this man out - It would only compound a bad situation and possibly set up an argument-rebound situation which is NOT what we want.

What I believe God wants is for the sanctity of Marriage and for her Marriage Vows to be preserved, and for Really Messed Up to be acting in Certainty and Charity when she does this…

I hope you understand.

Your Brother in Christ, Michael
 
Sr_Sally said:
Does you church have adoration? Spend some time with Our Lord there. Find a way to get to daily Mass even a few times a week–especially on the day that you might end up seeing this man.
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We do have adoration and this is where I met him.
I also go to daily Mass
I pray Hail Mary’s all day long and hes still there.
I saw the devil in him last week and still I am tempted!
 
reallymessedup said:
I am married, he is married, we are not married to each other.
Please dont tell me to go to counceling.

I let him kiss me and i kissed him back. It felt really good. I havent had that feeling in 20+ years! I was l-l that close to making love to him but i just couldnt do it.

I went to confession and asked God to remove these feelings. He did, but i still think about him ALOT.

I dont want to be “with” him in that way. I get that “feeling” just holding hands or hugging.
I know that I will never make love to him and I continue to ask God for help.

Even with that, i still think about what it would be like to “be” with him but I know i wont do it.
I only see him 1x each week and that can not be avoided not do i really deep down want to avoid him. I know what the right thing to do is, but I’m not sure I want to.
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reallymessedup said:
Of corse i am Catholic I said I went to confession…and NO an annulment is very bad advice.
My husband loves me very much and I do love him as well
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Let’s see…you love your husband, but you’re not sure you want to do “the right thing”.

You don’t want to “be with him that way”. I’ll bet my retirement that he wants to “be with” you in “that way”.

“Only seem him 1x each week”. How is that different than twice a week? Every day?

This is a smoldering fire. Doing anything but staying the heck away from this person is throwing gasoline on it.

You so much as admit that you can’t handle the situation yourself. See a good Catholic Counselor. Go with your husband. If your’e serious that you love him, that’s the right thing to do. If not, you risk everything; destroying the lives of 4 people (plus children, if there are any involved).

Stay away.
 
Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice. I try to be aloving and kind person, I cant curse him but i do want to help him through whatever strength God gives me.

I did not sleep with him because i knew it was wrong in my heart. I want us both to go to heaven. I want to love him but not in a sexual way.
thank you all for your prayers
tonight is the night i see him and I will talk with him and tell him that we can not do this .
I do Love God, i guess jsut not enough.:confused:
 
reallymessedup said:
Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice. I try to be aloving and kind person, I cant curse him but i do want to help him through whatever strength God gives me.

I did not sleep with him because i knew it was wrong in my heart. I want us both to go to heaven. I want to love him but not in a sexual way.
thank you all for your prayers
tonight is the night i see him and I will talk with him and tell him that we can not do this .
I do Love God, i guess jsut not enough.:confused:
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Really Messed Up:

If you love this man as much as you say you do and you want him to go to heaven as much as you say you do, you can’t see him, you must not see him. You’re imperiling his salvation by seeing him, because you and he will sin - I’m sure he’s already sinning, in his heart, and receiving the Eucharist unworthily.

For HIS salvation, and yours, this has to stop. He’s married, and he’s playing with fire, too! What’s going to happen if his wife finds out? How do you think she’s going to feel?

From here on out, nothing can be a matter of feeling. Everything must be an act of the will. You need to decide that you love God so much that you will obey His Law and submit to His will for your life even though it’s going to hurt like the dickens.
  • Counsel with your priest and/or another Catholic Counselor and ask for you man friend to do the same
  • Go to Weekly Confession until this is handled & ask your man friend to do the same.
  • Find another parish for Eucharistic Adoration.
  • Say good-bye to your man friend, and mean it. You don’t need to curse him - Just say GOODBYE!
  • If you see him, do not talk to him - You’ve lost the privilege!
You wouldn’t mess around with malignant carcinoma - Why are you messing around with this that can ruin 4 lives and place 4 souls in hell?

I’m sorry to come down like this, but you’re on the cliff’s edge, and I have an obligation to do what I can to keep you from falling off.

Your Brother & Servant in Christ, Michael
 
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