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St_Gabriel
Guest
What should I tell a person who was happily married for 38 years recently had an affair and now is living with another person? Note: This person is a close relative.
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Rivera
Guest
St Gabriel:
I’m sorry that this bit of unpleasantness is happening in your family
n
I woudn’t want to alienate a family member forever, but you don’t do them any favors if you don’t at least express that s/he messed up. Another way to think of it is this, if (God forbid) you had done that to your spouse, what would you want your family to say to you? Wouldn’t you hope that your family would love you enough to point out the truth to you, and then forgive you when you were ready to make amends?
I’m sorry that this bit of unpleasantness is happening in your family
n
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kellie
Guest
St Gabriel:
Not that that makes it right with what they did.
I think you should tell him/her that you love them, but hate the sin they have/are committing.
God also still loves them but hates the sin.
Show relevant Bible passages about adultery, and quote the CCC.
You dont say whether this person is Catholic.
If they are, are they still a believer?
If they arent, you may have to strongly defend our Faith.
Be loving, but be armed with the Word.
I will pray for you and your family member
Love Kellie
First of all, who said they were happily married if he/she strayed?
Not that that makes it right with what they did.
I think you should tell him/her that you love them, but hate the sin they have/are committing.
God also still loves them but hates the sin.
Show relevant Bible passages about adultery, and quote the CCC.
You dont say whether this person is Catholic.
If they are, are they still a believer?
If they arent, you may have to strongly defend our Faith.
Be loving, but be armed with the Word.
I will pray for you and your family member
Love Kellie
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St_Gabriel
Guest
Thank you for your support. Here is a little more detail. The person is protestant. You are right the other person was also to blame (they had been unfaithful in one incident at a party more than 10 years ago).
So far I have made it clear that I am aware of the situation, because she is acting as if there is nothing wrong with what she has done and she thinks that I am not aware of the previous situation. That it justifies all of her actions. Although I find, I am unable to talk to this person in person, I sent her a short email in response to one that she sent me to tell her that I don’t know what to tell her. Her response has been that she feels that I am judgmental and that is what she expected from me.
So far I have made it clear that I am aware of the situation, because she is acting as if there is nothing wrong with what she has done and she thinks that I am not aware of the previous situation. That it justifies all of her actions. Although I find, I am unable to talk to this person in person, I sent her a short email in response to one that she sent me to tell her that I don’t know what to tell her. Her response has been that she feels that I am judgmental and that is what she expected from me.
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pittsburghjeff
Guest
38 years? Wow. You would think after that time that the marriage would be secure, but I guess anything can happen.
It reminds me of my favorite quote I came up with as a kid to tell my parents. I would say:
“Mom and Dad, you took a vow before God to be together till death do you part. And then God gave you me to enforce that vow. In otherwords, if you ever part, I will kill you both”
They are still happily married.
It reminds me of my favorite quote I came up with as a kid to tell my parents. I would say:
“Mom and Dad, you took a vow before God to be together till death do you part. And then God gave you me to enforce that vow. In otherwords, if you ever part, I will kill you both”
They are still happily married.
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gardenartist
Guest
I can only speak from my personal experiences. My marriage of 18 years, was never good. I held on all that time hoping he would be loyal, he would be truthful, he would stop womanizing, he would come home. I was left home 24/7 with several very young children and even prevented from leaving the “home” I will not go on about me, yet I would like to say that as a cradle catholic I know that many of us are quick to jump in and dictate, judge and criticize. I can bet this woman knows without doubt that this is sin but she feels justified somehow. That does not excuse her in any way, however we cannot know the details behind her closed doors. Many of us pretend to be happy and doing well, when quite the opposite is true. I stayed faithful all those years, but finally when the stealing of my personal belongings began it was time for me personally to get out. We all have to search for our own peace and hopefully we are doing it with the guidance of our Lord. We cannot judge another, I have felt it, Yet for all the judgements, how many actually knew what was really going on in my home?. For me I was near stroke, for me it was self preservation and protection that I terminate my marriage so that my childen would be safe as well.
Again, I believe she knows and our obligation is to pray for her strength and conviction to do what is morally right.
I also believe that the catholic church as a whole has dropped the ball on many issues, especially in their support of families. We are not as pretty as we look on Sunday.
Again, I believe she knows and our obligation is to pray for her strength and conviction to do what is morally right.
I also believe that the catholic church as a whole has dropped the ball on many issues, especially in their support of families. We are not as pretty as we look on Sunday.
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beng
Guest
St Gabriel:
Stop living the sin, go to confession or go to hell.
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Scott_Waddell
Guest
I fail to see where anyone here judged the relative personally. Some have judged the behavior to be inconsistent with Christian living, which is reasonable and called for. And your comment about the CC having “dropped the ball” without further elaboration is gratuitous and very likely irrelevant to the discussion at hand.
Scott
P.S. Welcome to the board!
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gardenartist
Guest
I was interjecting a few thoughts from reading all the dialogues. Pittsburgjeff stated he thought after so long the marriage would be solid. My comment was that we can not judge or assume a marriage is good just because of the time element.
Secondly to Dan Waddell, I was making a passing comment that I believe the Catholic Church does not support the family. You are right it is irrevelant to this question of adultery. Perhaps I should begin a new post on this issue. We are forever praying for the dead or sick, but somehow at least in my church we seem to ignore praying for the rest of us. I personally know several now single moms who are very active in the church and there is NO support groups.
It goes without saying that this friend has erred, the question was what should our response be? My point was, from my place I can feel her pain from the first instance of adultery by her husband. This is something very hard if not impossible to get over.
She needs good counseling, which sometimes in itself takes time to find. I believe an honest approach, with love and prayer is our only choice. The woman may feign to not hear, but let the Holy Spirit do the rest. Some of us were meant only to water the fields, not bring in the harvests.
In the love of our Lord,
mary
Secondly to Dan Waddell, I was making a passing comment that I believe the Catholic Church does not support the family. You are right it is irrevelant to this question of adultery. Perhaps I should begin a new post on this issue. We are forever praying for the dead or sick, but somehow at least in my church we seem to ignore praying for the rest of us. I personally know several now single moms who are very active in the church and there is NO support groups.
It goes without saying that this friend has erred, the question was what should our response be? My point was, from my place I can feel her pain from the first instance of adultery by her husband. This is something very hard if not impossible to get over.
She needs good counseling, which sometimes in itself takes time to find. I believe an honest approach, with love and prayer is our only choice. The woman may feign to not hear, but let the Holy Spirit do the rest. Some of us were meant only to water the fields, not bring in the harvests.
In the love of our Lord,
mary
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space_ghost
Guest
i would think it’s best to wait and be asked first… i don’t know that your jumping in an laying down your 2 cents would be needed or possibly welcomed…
try to remember that without walking a mile in that persons moccosins it’s hard to really understand their trials and maybe all they really want is a shoulder… I really think the go slow method of listen first would be your best idea…
remember, no one know better then the person you mention that they are in a serious and precarious situation… you don’t have to be catholic to understand the looks of wonder, concern and judgement that comes from all the supposed friends and family…
be there for them… give an ear and strive to hold your tongue… just give them your support… they know how you feel on the issues you mention…
Now, don’t be someone your not… people can spot a phoney… stick to your convictions… just go slow…Peace!
try to remember that without walking a mile in that persons moccosins it’s hard to really understand their trials and maybe all they really want is a shoulder… I really think the go slow method of listen first would be your best idea…
remember, no one know better then the person you mention that they are in a serious and precarious situation… you don’t have to be catholic to understand the looks of wonder, concern and judgement that comes from all the supposed friends and family…
be there for them… give an ear and strive to hold your tongue… just give them your support… they know how you feel on the issues you mention…
Now, don’t be someone your not… people can spot a phoney… stick to your convictions… just go slow…Peace!
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St_Gabriel
Guest
OK. The situation is different now. That was 2 years ago and now they’re getting married. All the children are invited to the wedding. In fact, some of them are standing in the wedding party. What I have learned is that it won’t make any difference to her if I tell her that I think she’s making a mistake. There’s no way she is going to dump this guy. I see a very ackward moment as the time to give congratulations. What would Jesus do?
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Seaweed
Guest
Hope you forgive my ignorance, but would it still be adultery if the first marriage occurred at a courthouse instead of a church? My fiance was previously married, but at a local court.
What about if the marriage produced a child? Does that fit in anywhere?
What about if the marriage produced a child? Does that fit in anywhere?
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Seaweed
Guest
Oops, I am sorry - I didn’t see that this was such an old post! 
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whatevergirl
Guest
I planted a seed with my sister, in the same situation as you describe. I said…‘God wouldn’t tell us to commit adultery to find our soul mate.’ (because most people feel that they were married to the wrong person for several years, before ‘finding’ their soul mate )
It took some time, but I think the seed has blossomed…she is preparing to leave that adulterous relationship soon…Praise be to God.
God gave us a mouth to use…not abuse…but to use in healthy and helpful ways. Say it once…then, let the seed blossom. (and it will if you plant wisely)
Good luck to you, with this situation.
It took some time, but I think the seed has blossomed…she is preparing to leave that adulterous relationship soon…Praise be to God.
God gave us a mouth to use…not abuse…but to use in healthy and helpful ways. Say it once…then, let the seed blossom. (and it will if you plant wisely)
Good luck to you, with this situation.
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Podo2005
Guest
Stop living the sin, go to confession or **go to hell./**quote]
Hey! You don’t know the situation , you can’t damn that person to hell, shame on you.
As for the OP, I’ll pray for your relative that he finds his way back to his family. I’d also try to talk to him/her about the situation.
God Bless,
Podo
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St_Gabriel
Guest
quote=beng;7938]Stop living the sin, go to confession or go to hell.
Neither of them are Catholic, so how can they go to confession?
Actually it has been longer than two years. Looks more like 3. They have been living together all this time. I stayed away for the first two years, but now that her divorce has gone through, it doesn’t seem like adultery anymore. Especially when the former spouse has gotten on with their life. My relative says they want to do the “right thing” (by getting marrying).
Neither of them are Catholic, so how can they go to confession?
Actually it has been longer than two years. Looks more like 3. They have been living together all this time. I stayed away for the first two years, but now that her divorce has gone through, it doesn’t seem like adultery anymore. Especially when the former spouse has gotten on with their life. My relative says they want to do the “right thing” (by getting marrying).
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