So, you don’t believe in marriage lasting until death? You think vows are just pretty words, not a real covenant between the couple and God?
How do you (or she)
know that the love is gone “for good?” If they had love at the beginning (or even if they didn’t), it’s still possible to get it back. It’s only been 8 years, not forever. I know of married couples (including my husband and I) who struggled as long or longer than that, and now (thanks to the grace of God) have deeply committed, intimate, loving marriages. It sounds like you (and maybe your sister) just don’t have as much faith as you think you do in God’s grace to help people through difficult situations. I hope I’m wrong, but that’s how you’re coming across.
It sounds like, despite your words, that you don’t really
believe in God’s love, or perhaps you don’t really understand what that love entails. It’s not that God won’t forgive her, but if she won’t
repent, then how will she gain that forgiveness? You seem to think that because God offers forgiveness, it’s okay to offend Him! Or do you think He will forgive us even if we don’t repent, as long as we had some good excuse for it? (Ever heard of the sin of presumption?)
God knows and understands how your sister is struggling, and He will help her through it, despite her faults and weaknesses. If she allows Him, He will be her strength. He will give her the grace to do what is RIGHT, not necessarily what she thinks she wants, but what she
needs.
See, God doesn’t always want us to be
happy, because sometimes what will make us temporarily feel happy is NOT what is best for us or will get us to Heaven. Doing the “nice” thing is not always the most
loving thing. Sometimes that means our feelings will be hurt, we have to suffer, and we have to make sacrifices. That’s part of love!
Think about what Christ did for us–the suffering, the complete giving of Himself for us, even when we didn’t deserve it, even when we were at our
absolute worst.
Now, THAT is love. And that is what we’re supposed to strive for in marriage.
I get that you’re trying to defend your sister here, but you’re coming across as not very concerned for her well-being, for her soul, and for her family, but only for her
feelings. That’s a really short-sighted view of things. I hope you don’t really mean some of the things you’re posting, but only coming across that way because you’re trying to defend your sister.
For instance, the way you keep saying how “weak” we all are… don’t you think it’s rather insulting and disrespectful of your sister to suggest that she’s just too weak and too easily led by her emotions to actually do the right thing? Don’t you think it’s kind of insulting to imply that she didn’t really love her husband, that she is incapable of loving her husband now, and that she didn’t really mean her vows when she made them? That poor, pitiful creature, like an animal subject to its fleeting feelings, can’t put her feelings aside–that’s just too much for her!
I don’t know how old you are, but you (and perhaps your sister) seem to have the idea that love is a
feeling, and that “true love” is all about romance and bliss and happy feelings, and when we find “true love,” we can maintain that happiness with “the one,” without too much effort, trouble, struggle, or suffering. You seem to think she married the “wrong person,” and that she’ll suffer forever if she stays. I wonder what your opinion of her husband will be if she eventually gets her marriage worked out and dumps the lover?
Here’s the thing: there’s no such thing as “the one” (unless you mean God). There’s no such thing as “effort-free love.” Love is not some warm, fuzzy feeling or butterflies in the stomach. It’s not all about romance and happy feelings and affection. Sometimes we get those things along with love, yes. But they are just sort of like side-effects, not the
real thing. And love is not about “what makes me happy.”
Your sister has made “romance” into her idol. She calls it “true love,” but it’s not even
close.
And it’s really, really, sad that she doesn’t seem to have a clue that what she’s chasing is just a farce, a fake, a incredibly poor imitation of real love. And I’m sad for her that even though you claim she knows how “wrong” you feel it is, still you excuse her behavior and support what she’s doing (at least in your posts). She’s knowingly tempting a married man away from his wife and children (how would she feel if another woman did that to her?). She’s already decided to emotionally abandon her marriage and her family–and she thinks it’s just fine because at least she and her lover are waiting until the kids are “old enough” to have their families torn apart (what age is that, exactly?).
Good feelings, romance, respect, true love, happiness. Can she have those things in her own marriage (again)? Probably, yes. But she needs to put God first–not her husband, not this other guy, not her happiness, not romantic feelings, definitely not herself, and not anything or anyone else. And I’d even venture to suggest that she probably cannot expect anything in return from her husband for a while–but that shouldn’t be why she does it, anyway. She’d have to give to her husband and love and respect him
out of obedience and love of God. Not because of what her husband does or does not do.
Staying together in an unhappy marriage (and working on the relationship) certainly is realistic. It can be done.
Is it hard? Oh, yes. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve done in my entire life–and let me tell you, I’ve done some really hard things!
Is it worth it?
Yes, yes, yes. More than I can even begin to explain. :heaven:
1 Cor 13:4-7
I will pray for you and your sister.
