Adultry a Crime?

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Steven Merten:
Regardless of all the details Church tribunals go through to determine annulments for a minuete. This poor woman married to her husband for ten plus years with five children expected and desired some protection from God’s commandment. Some cute secratary comes allong and now the husband has the Church find some detail to take the wife’s life away from her?
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The church did not take the wife’s life away from her. It found that there was a fatal defect in theissue of the sacramentality of the marriage. The husband didn’t “find a way”. If there was no sacramental marriage, it doesn’t matter how many kids they had or how many years they were together. you are also making presumptions that her side of the story is the truth; it is possible that it is not.{QUOTE=Steven Merten] Why did God make the commandment against divorce and adutery anyway? Was it not to protect just such a woman in a vulnerable state once she lacks the beauty of her young adulterous rivals? Was God’s commandment not intended to protect the family unit? You are talking about entirely different issues.
Steven Merten:
With the Church granting unullments to 95% of men with young adulterous girl friends, is God’s will in the commandment not to divorce being enforced by the Church to protect the family unit.
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Would you care to state your source of statistics? Further, you are assuming that in this case adultery was committed. Base on the facts you stated, there is no such conclusion.
 
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Lexee15:
I can see where you’re coming from, men seek the annulment to marry their mistress…shameful!!! How can this happen though? Doesn’t the church not allow this kind of union?
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It has not been shown that this happens, as a matter of fact.

It is also being assumed that the Church grants and annulment and that means the parties are completely free to marry again in the Church; that is not always the case; the annulment may be granted with conditions attached concerning any possiblity of remarriage, including satisfactory conclusion of counciling. Evidence that one of the spouses had a sexual partner very easily could lead to impediments or conditions on any subsequent marriage.
 
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Lexee15:
Let me pose another question, since it seems that having adultry laws really doesn’t matter and the adulterer won’t be punished, what about this. Can the adulterer be held criminally responsible for exposing their spouse to potentially fatal stds? Something like criminally negligent or depraved indifference or something like that? I know for a fact that my husband was/is having UNPROTECTED sex with several women. I have had to have several blood and other tests to rule out any stds and aids. As you see I am also pregnant, he exposed me and my child to any number of diseases. He knows what he’s doing, I shouldn’t be asking him to wear a condom (not intimate with him anymore), first I practice nfp and second he’s my husband!!! I don’t know the stats but I know there are many women who suffer with HIV because their husbands brought it home to them. What about jail time for this? He knew he was sleeping around and made a concious decision to expose me to diseases. What about this route?
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I would think that this would be a much more viable route. In fact, haven’t there been cases like this? It seems that I recall a few, but I am uncertain. There was a woman in NC who succesfully sued her husband’s mistress for alienation of affection. I know nothing about that case, I am simply bringing it up.

Also, lets remember that there are women who cheat on their husbands. Just thought that I’d try and be fair.
 
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deb1:
I would think that this would be a much more viable route. In fact, haven’t there been cases like this? It seems that I recall a few, but I am uncertain. There was a woman in NC who succesfully sued her husband’s mistress for alienation of affection. I know nothing about that case, I am simply bringing it up.
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I looked into alienation of affection and criminal conversation, with alienation of affection you must prove that you had great marriage and this outside person came in and messed it up, with criminal conversation all you have to prove is that the other person slept with your spouse knowing they were married. I decided not to persue this after getting advice on this forum, everyone suggested I leave it alone. I’m talking about suing my husband for exposing me and my unborn child to stds. You know, bringing it up during the divorce, can he get jail time, a fine or some kind of settelment for me? That’s what I’m asking, does anyone have any idea if this can be done? By the way, I was looking at adultery laws in Illinois and read that adultery is punished with 5 years in prison and a $5,000 fine, does anyone know if this is true?
Also, lets remember that there are women who cheat on their husbands. Just thought that I’d try and be fair.
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Of course they do, but in my case I’m referring to my husband who is the adulterer…that’s why I refer to him and the mistresses.
 
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Lexee15:
I looked into alienation of affection and criminal conversation, with alienation of affection you must prove that you had great marriage and this outside person came in and messed it up, with criminal conversation all you have to prove is that the other person slept with your spouse knowing they were married. I decided not to persue this after getting advice on this forum, everyone suggested I leave it alone. I’m talking about suing my husband for exposing me and my unborn child to stds. You know, bringing it up during the divorce, can he get jail time, a fine or some kind of settelment for me? That’s what I’m asking, does anyone have any idea if this can be done? By the way, I was looking at adultery laws in Illinois and read that adultery is punished with 5 years in prison and a $5,000 fine, does anyone know if this is true?

Of course they do, but in my case I’m referring to my husband who is the adulterer…that’s why I refer to him and the mistresses.
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A friend of mine wanted to charge her husband with adultery. Her attorney told her she had to have “incontrovertible evidence” i.e. pictures. Otherwise adultery is hard to prove. And if your husband’s attorney is worth his salt, he would tell him not to admit to adultery. Not saying this is right, mind you. Just that is what his attorney will tell him. I am not familiar with all alimony/adultery laws, but adultery is not an automatic guarantee to getting alimony. Child support is one thing, but alimony is a separate issue.

~ Kathy ~
 
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Katie1723:
A friend of mine wanted to charge her husband with adultery. Her attorney told her she had to have “incontrovertible evidence” i.e. pictures. Otherwise adultery is hard to prove. And if your husband’s attorney is worth his salt, he would tell him not to admit to adultery. Not saying this is right, mind you. Just that is what his attorney will tell him. I am not familiar with all alimony/adultery laws, but adultery is not an automatic guarantee to getting alimony. Child support is one thing, but alimony is a separate issue.

~ Kathy ~
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Well, he’s already admitted it to me, his boss, some of his family members and some mutual friends of ours. I don’t know where their loyalties lie (sp?) though, I am also getting video surviellance on him, still working on that. And you’re right it really has no bearing on the settlement outcome…he’s not punished for cheating even if proven. I would want to get it to prove that he exposed me to potental fatal stds.
 
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Lexee15:
So what’s the punishment of a Class 4 misdemeanor? Hopefully there’s jail time involved, or at least a very hefty fine!!! Is this the only state with a law like this on the books?
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At one time lots of states had penal laws against both adultery and cohabitation of unmarried persons of different sexes. I have read old indictments of persons who “lewdly and viciously cohabited.” However, such laws were rarely enforced and by the middle of the 20th century were considered archaic like those old ordinances that specified the size of lumber to be used in sidewalks.

In Iowa, for example, adultery was not being prosecuted, but no legislator wanted to vote to repeal the statute for fear of having to explain to the voters why he voted to “legalize adultery.”

However, when the legislature enacted sweeping statutory law covering all crimes it simply omitted adultery.

Public opinion today does not view adultery or cohabitation of unmarried people as offenses harmful to the social order. I have practiced law for over thirty years and have never seen or even heard of a criminal prosecution for adultery or cohabitation during that time.
 
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Lexee15:
I’m talking about suing my husband for exposing me and my unborn child to stds. You know, bringing it up during the divorce, can he get jail time, a fine or some kind of settelment for me? That’s what I’m asking, does anyone have any idea if this can be done?
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You can sue for “negligent transmission of a venereal disease” if you were infected. I don’t know if you can sue if you weren’t infected.
 
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1ke:
Adultery is not grounds for an annulment.

In a fiction book maybe.
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I think a member of the Kennedy family got an annulment a few years ago to marry a girl friend even though he and his wife had children and she bitterly fought it. Perhaps that is what the writer is talking about.
 
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JGheen:
Remember, annulments are not just “Catholic divorces”. They represent a serious investigation into the validity of the marriage. If the marriage was not firm at the beginning, time cannot make it firm nor can pleading by the wife.
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Sorry, I can’t buy this.
  1. I have a relative who met a married man some years her senior. He got an annulment from his wife of 20 plus years. The couple had several children. My relative and he decided they would not have children. They got married in the Catholic Church by a Catholic Priest and still are married. Now the man has several grandchildren. I just can’t accept that when a man and woman marry in the church, live together for 20 plus years, and have children together the marriage was not “firm.”
  2. A friend at work fell in love with a divorced Catholic woman. They wanted to get married. They went to the Deacon at their church who handles annulments. They filled out the forms, paid the fees and were given the date the annulment would be finalized. They made wedding plans, the annulment came through on schedule, and the wedding in a Catholic Church by a Catholic Priest went off as planned.
 
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Lexee15:
Well, he’s already admitted it to me, his boss, some of his family members and some mutual friends of ours. I don’t know where their loyalties lie (sp?) though, I am also getting video surviellance on him, still working on that. And you’re right it really has no bearing on the settlement outcome…he’s not punished for cheating even if proven. I would want to get it to prove that he exposed me to potental fatal stds.
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The pictures my friend had to get to satisy the judge would be of them “in the act” not just being together say, for instance in a coffee shop or a diner. Not even going “into” a motel. In most cases, because as another poster stated, adultery laws are so archaic, it is hard and costly sometimes to prove what may be true.Unfair to say the least I might add.

As far as “getting” him for exposing you to STD’s, I see that you have one child already and another on the way. Were they conceived prior to you knowledge about his affairs, or after? I don’t mean to be insensitive, but if either was conceived after, and you knew, then your wanting to “get him” is immaterial.
~ Kathy ~
 
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Katie1723:
The pictures my friend had to get to satisy the judge would be of them “in the act” not just being together say, for instance in a coffee shop or a diner. Not even going “into” a motel. In most cases, because as another poster stated, adultery laws are so archaic, it is hard and costly sometimes to prove what may be true.Unfair to say the least I might add.

As far as “getting” him for exposing you to STD’s, I see that you have one child already and another on the way. Were they conceived prior to you knowledge about his affairs, or after? I don’t mean to be insensitive, but if either was conceived after, and you knew, then your wanting to “get him” is immaterial.
Code: 
                      ~ Kathy ~
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Well, this child that I’m pregnant with happened after I first found out. I had kicked him out, he came back wanting to make things work and said he stopped the affairs. During the reconciliation I became pregnant…I do practice nfp and it shouldn’t have happened…but I was also under the impression that he stopped which is why we were intimate. I was already pregnant and we were intimate then I found out that he had continued his affairs, and added new ones. After finding this out I didn’t let him come near me again. I, in good faith, let him back to save my marriage and family, had I known that he had no intention to remain faithful I would have never, ever taken him back much less had sex with him. I would think that wouldn’t be held against me, would it?
 
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Lexee15:
Well, this child that I’m pregnant with happened after I first found out. I had kicked him out, he came back wanting to make things work and said he stopped the affairs. During the reconciliation I became pregnant…I do practice nfp and it shouldn’t have happened…but I was also under the impression that he stopped which is why we were intimate. I was already pregnant and we were intimate then I found out that he had continued his affairs, and added new ones. After finding this out I didn’t let him come near me again. I, in good faith, let him back to save my marriage and family, had I known that he had no intention to remain faithful I would have never, ever taken him back much less had sex with him. I would think that wouldn’t be held against me, would it?
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The fact is you gave consent, knowing that you could be exposed to STD’s.Whether he stopped the affairs is immaterial. You cannot go back and try to “get him”, because you knew the risks.
~Kathy ~
 
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