Advice and please pray!

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Hockeygurl

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I have had enough. We opened up our home (was supposed to be 1 week) and we are going on 4 months. We have had no compensation for food nor utilities. I have put up with the “mistruths” until now, even though my daughter lost a friend. Today is the LAST straw… my gentle dog ( whom I do put a shock collar on when she is outside but rarely use) was shocked to the point that she will not come to me or the door to go outside anymore… I am beyond mad… I did yell and let him know that this is not normal, she does not do this when I need to correct her… I KNOW he over killed the correction. He thinks he knows everything about my kids and my animals. I want him out… my husband says we have to wait until he has a place to go…

so please pray that he has someplace to go soon!!!
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Hockeygurl said:
I have had enough. We opened up our home (was supposed to be 1 week) and we are going on 4 months. We have had no compensation for food nor utilities. I have put up with the “mistruths” until now, even though my daughter lost a friend. Today is the LAST straw… my gentle dog ( whom I do put a shock collar on when she is outside but rarely use) was shocked to the point that she will not come to me or the door to go outside anymore… I am beyond mad… I did yell and let him know that this is not normal, she does not do this when I need to correct her… I KNOW he over killed the correction. He thinks he knows everything about my kids and my animals. I want him out… my husband says we have to wait until he has a place to go…

so please pray that he has someplace to go soon!!!
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That sounds just AWFUL!!! MY GOODNESS! 😦

OOOOhhhh! Very upsetting! :mad:

Four months is a very long time to be with someone, especially when one doesn’t get along. Sounds like too long in this case.

Is this a relative, a friend? Although, doesn’t sound like he’ll be a friend by the time this is over.

Sounds like you’ll need marital counseling if this goes any longer, that or a divorce attorney! DANG! 😉

What happens if he just doesn’t ever find another place to live? Can your husband put some kind of time limit so that you can at least see a light at the end of the tunnel?

You might want to consider that, in the meantime, going to counseling…marital, and if your husband won’t go with you, individual, so that your husband also gets the message of just how serious this is on your relationship.

It sounds that, if this scenario continues, it will lead to an ultimatum…“It’s him or me!!!”

Too bad you couldn’t move out for a period of time to get away from the stress, spend time away with a friend, or your family, to give yourself a breather (and take your dog with you!) 😉 …a strategic vacation…sabbatical.
 
I Certainly believe you, just by the way your explaining yourself,
I guess by open house you mean you are trying to sell the house,
I guess nothing can happen till that happens,
When thing go bad…they go real bad,and that’s where you are now,
I pray that things come to a speedy conclusion for you…so you can start again,
 
With a marital counselor, maybe there could at least negotiate with your husband, compensation for expenses, in the meantime…one thing. There seems like little, or no, incentive for him to want to move out. Why would he? He has it made right where he is.

It sounds so unfair, that there’s no balance in this equation, that in relationships for them to work, they need to be much more…mutual…give and take…not you doing all the give, and him doing all the “take”.

Further, he is overstepping his bounds left and right. You need your boundaries back in place.
 
Gracious and merciful Father, please come to their assistance.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen.
 
I should have explained things a little more clearly… obviously i was very emotional.

We opened our house to a person who needed a place to stay, we were under the impression that it would be only 1 week… which has turned into much longer.

Thanks so much for advocating counseling, we are in quite the predicament as it is a very political/business situation we are in and he doesn’t want to cause waves. I… of course understand as it is very important to the business and his family. Which is why I need the prayers.

He does have a place to move into (in Feb), just don’t know if I’m going to lose my brains by then.

I appreciate you all… Thank YOU!!
 
Hockeygurl said:
I should have explained things a little more clearly… obviously i was very emotional.

We opened our house to a person who needed a place to stay, we were under the impression that it would be only 1 week… which has turned into much longer.

Thanks so much for advocating counseling, we are in quite the predicament as it is a very political/business situation we are in and he doesn’t want to cause waves. I… of course understand as it is very important to the business and his family. Which is why I need the prayers.

He does have a place to move into (in Feb), just don’t know if I’m going to lose my brains by then.

I appreciate you all… Thank YOU!!
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Well, even individual counseling might be helpful, even if it’s only temporary, for the emotional support from a neutral party, and so that you can vent with someone who is sworn to confidentiality.

February is a long way off!
 
It is your home. Give Him a deadline. I would say one month max. Without a deadline, some would never leave. There is a limit to “hospitality” One has to balance prudence with charity etc. The good of your family needes to be considered.
 
This all reminds me of that one episode of the Flintstone’s where someone was overstaying his welcome. They came to visit, an entire family, and wanted to stay around till “hog branding time”.

So, the Flintstones came up with a scheme to make it SO unpleasant for them. The Flintstones had found out the family didn’t like the Beatles. So, they continued to play that music, day in, day out! They found something they couldn’t stand and did only that all the time.

lol
 
And take the torture device off the poor dog- at least until this person leaves, if not indefinitely.
 
ClearWater said:
This all reminds me of that one episode of the Flintstone’s where someone was overstaying his welcome. They came to visit, an entire family, and wanted to stay around till “hog branding time”.

So, the Flintstones came up with a scheme to make it SO unpleasant for them. The Flintstones had found out the family didn’t like the Beatles. So, they continued to play that music, day in, day out! They found something they couldn’t stand and did only that all the time.

lol
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Now that’s a good idea,😃
 
ClearWater said:
This all reminds me of that one episode of the Flintstone’s where someone was overstaying his welcome. They came to visit, an entire family, and wanted to stay around till “hog branding time”.

So, the Flintstones came up with a scheme to make it SO unpleasant for them. The Flintstones had found out the family didn’t like the Beatles. So, they continued to play that music, day in, day out! They found something they couldn’t stand and did only that all the time.

lol
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So true, my middle child (who I usually remind to respect others) has been purposely “pushing his buttons”… sigh… and I am letting her. (Lord, please forgive me).

My youngest child is wise beyond her years and said “Mom, you have done your christian charity so don’t feel guilty”.

Hubby is level headed and gently reminds me that it’s just until Feb… which seems like a long way off.

I on the other hand tend to be more volatile, mama bear is not happy when someone messes with her cubs. We have a rule… only one person gets to be crazy at a time… and I’m taking a very long turn.

I really appreciate all of you and your prayers. Sometimes it’s just nice to vent to others and know that I am not over-reacting. I will consider the individual counseling, in the meantime I will have to get out the old box of coping mechanisms.
 
Hockeygurl said:
So true, my middle child (who I usually remind to respect others) has been purposely “pushing his buttons”… sigh… and I am letting her. (Lord, please forgive me).

My youngest child is wise beyond her years and said “Mom, you have done your christian charity so don’t feel guilty”.

Hubby is level headed and gently reminds me that it’s just until Feb… which seems like a long way off.

I on the other hand tend to be more volatile, mama bear is not happy when someone messes with her cubs. We have a rule… only one person gets to be crazy at a time… and I’m taking a very long turn.

I really appreciate all of you and your prayers. Sometimes it’s just nice to vent to others and know that I am not over-reacting. I will consider the individual counseling, in the meantime I will have to get out the old box of coping mechanisms.
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Two months is way too long to have somebody living under your roof who irritates you and your kids and the dog, especially if it was only supposed to be a week and he’s already been there for months. What if February comes and he doesn’t leave then?

If this person is home almost all of the time and you are home almost all of the time, it’s a much bigger deal for you than it is for your husband.

This guy (whatever relation he is to you) can find a room elsewhere for a month or two, if he pays appropriately. If you have the money and he doesn’t, feel free to pay the first month for him.

Don’t feel bad about this. You do not have the only habitable dwelling within 100 miles. He can live elsewhere just as well.
 
Hockeygurl said:
we are in quite the predicament as it is a very political/business situation we are in and he doesn’t want to cause waves.
If your husband is agreeing to this to help his business, I think it will NEVER get better. I would sell the business (even if that means going bankrupt). No one should have to put up with this to keep their business
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Anglewannabe said:
Hockeygurl;12579529:
we are in quite the predicament as it is a very political/business situation we are in and he doesn’t want to cause waves.
If your husband is agreeing to this to help his business, I think it will NEVER get better.
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That’s a good point.

And isn’t a better idea to send this person off now with a smile rather than in 2-4 months, when your ability to fake hospitality and good will will be totally shot?

The mental dialogue in my head would be something like this:

Husband: Relative’s staying with us is worth $5,000 to us!

Wife: What a coincidence! I would pay $5,000 to get him out of the house today.

Heck, if you want to make money and have people in your home, take in paying boarders. That’s got to be much more lucrative than the OP’s husband’s plans.
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