Advice Appreciated - Marriage

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Brinoto

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Greetings! This is new to me so if I am in the wrong place, perhaps someone could direct me to a more appropriate place on these message boards.

I am trying to understand more about my status as a Catholic, in light of my marraige, child and other circumstances. I bring the question to this board because I have been told by other Catholics (friends and family) that information I received from a priest should be ignored. I was not brought up to ignore a priest, so I have remained in a sort of self-imposed dilemna for a number of years.

Not to be melodramatic, but I’ll just leave it at that as I wait to see if this is the place to seek advice.
Thanks!

Brinoto.
 
Well, if you want advice, you need to ask a question. You have left out all of the details.

If you want a sounding board against which to compare the previous advice from a priest, I would recommend getting a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You should be able to find a paperback copy in any good bookstore - Borders, etc.

Using it can be a bit confusing, as items are referred to by paragraph number rather than page.

If that doesn’t answer your questions, come back.
 
Hello,

I agree with OTM. We need some sort of question or information to be able to help.

Tell me if I am wrong, but I infer from your writing, that you are the Catholic in the marriage and your wife is not? This would then bring up a problem with children, unless that had been decided prior to conception. It is our duty as Catholics to raise our children Catholic.

I may be totally off track.

Let me know, and I will pray for you,:blessyou:
 
Thanks for the prompt replies. I didn’t go into details because I wasn’t sure I was in the right place. Here’s the circumstances.

Yes, my wife is not Catholic and I was not married in a Catholic ceremony. We had a civil ceremony. In fact, my wife is Muslim, although she attended (French) Catholic elementary and high schools.

I was born, baptized and confirmed Catholic and attended Catholic schools from grade 1-6 (loved the Latin mass).

That being said, prior to our marriage, she agreed to raise our children Catholic.

Our child was baptized Catholic, received his First Communion and attended Catholic religious education. We attempted to enroll our child in the Catholic school but were not able to get him in. I might add that my wife was quite pushy about her commitment, chastising me if I was slow to get him to mass or religious education.

Getting to the nitty-gritty, after our child was baptized and after a prolonged absence, I went to confession, hoping to improve my commitment to the Church. I really can’t recall how the subject came up during the confession, but when the priest learned I was not married in the Catholic Church, he said he could not hear my confession and I could not receive any Sacraments. This has been a number of years ago at this point.

Now, I believe the Church would “accept” my marriage on the condition that my wife attended classes to ensure our children would be brought up Catholic. But the fact is, our child WAS brought up Catholic, and my wife was wonderfully cooperative in that being so. In fact, our child is bewildered when attending Mass together, as to why I am not able to attend Communion with him. Also, to her credit, my wife is always “going the mile” preparing meals for my extended family on Easter and Christmas holidays. She may not formally BE a baptized Christian, but she certainly acts like one.

In other words, it seems that I have already accomplished what the Church wanted from me, that is, a commitment from my wife and I to bring up our children Catholic. We did it. So I am somewhat perplexed at being denied the privilege of taking the sacraments.

My family says I should just go ahead and partake of Communion. I haven’t done so because the priest at my attempted confession (sounds kinda like a crime – “attempted confession”) said I could not do so.

So, my question is, is the priest correct in that I am prohibited from engaging in Confession and Communion in a Catholic environment?

Obviously, I could go to my parish and discuss the matter with the Pastor. My wife is willing to go to classes, but I have not pressed her to do so because I believe she has excelled in showing her commitment to me and our child.

No doubt, there are a number of you out there who are able to point out what it is that I am not understanding. I’ll brace for your comments.

God bless all of you. Thanks for your interest and advice.

Brinoto
 
It is my understanding that you are missing the SACRAMENT of marriage, that is, your marriage has not been convalidated or “blessed” by the Church. This is probably why the priest refused to hear your confession and warned about you partaking in any of the other sacraments.

You need to contact a priest to have your marriage convalidated, then approach the priest again for confession.

I’d like to also add, that I think it is very brave and honorable for you to ask questions about why this is happening- without getting angry at the priest. I believe the priest was correct, and you have shown great respect in your actions.

Now hurry thee to the priest! 👍
 
The above posters are completely right.
Find a priest who is willing to work with you, though. If one simply states you cannot make a confession and is unwilling to help you then move on to one who will help you through this matter.

God bless your wife for being so open to all of this. Keep showing her the strenght you have in true dedication to the Catholic church.

Take care,
I will be praying for your family,

Meg
 
i’m sorry that you feel you have to ‘brace yourself’ for the answers - but God bless your willingness to do so!

it looks like you’ve gotten the answer to your question - just go get your marriage convalidated.

and may God MOST richly bless you, your wife, and your children and you continue to seek His face.
 
:amen: Hello,

I believe you have found some sound advice. Your child is definitely Catholic, and I am a little “confused” about how the sacrament of marriage works, as I have just converted (baby Catholic, very happy baby Catholic). I do know that my sponsor married in a “Baptist Church ceremony”, then went to our local priest to have her marriage blessed. Her husband’s father is a Baptist minister and wanted to marry them. Her husband agreed to raise the children Catholic, and the last one just went through his 1st Communion. Her husband goes to Mass with her each time she goes, he goes to required masses, enjoys all of the benefits of the church, but has not made the decision to commit yet. She and I feel that he will at some point soon. I do need to point out he does not of course receive Holy Eucharist.

I am so happy for your family, that you have the love and ability to work out your problems internally. I trully hope you find a wonderful priest, such as the one we have, and that you are able to work out your problems. It sounds so simple, but I know the most simple of things can at times be VERY stressful. Hang in there. Remember that I and others will be praying for you and your wonderful family. Remember the Corinthians quote, actually this came from a song from that quote, “Love is kind and suffers long Love is meek and seeks not wrong. Love than death itself more strong, there fore give us love.”

God loves your family, you love your family and all of us praying for you care about your family, that is a lot of love.

Good Luck
May God Bless and Keep You in your time of need.
:love:
 
Sincere thanks to each of you who were kind enough to reply to my query. “Convalidation” appears to be the subject I need to understand, and deal with. God bless all of you!
 
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Brinoto:
Thanks for the prompt replies. I didn’t go into details because I wasn’t sure I was in the right place. Here’s the circumstances.

Yes, my wife is not Catholic and I was not married in a Catholic ceremony. We had a civil ceremony. In fact, my wife is Muslim, although she attended (French) Catholic elementary and high schools.

I was born, baptized and confirmed Catholic and attended Catholic schools from grade 1-6 (loved the Latin mass).

That being said, prior to our marriage, she agreed to raise our children Catholic.

Our child was baptized Catholic, received his First Communion and attended Catholic religious education. We attempted to enroll our child in the Catholic school but were not able to get him in. I might add that my wife was quite pushy about her commitment, chastising me if I was slow to get him to mass or religious education.

Getting to the nitty-gritty, after our child was baptized and after a prolonged absence, I went to confession, hoping to improve my commitment to the Church. I really can’t recall how the subject came up during the confession, but when the priest learned I was not married in the Catholic Church, he said he could not hear my confession and I could not receive any Sacraments. This has been a number of years ago at this point.

Now, I believe the Church would “accept” my marriage on the condition that my wife attended classes to ensure our children would be brought up Catholic. But the fact is, our child WAS brought up Catholic, and my wife was wonderfully cooperative in that being so. In fact, our child is bewildered when attending Mass together, as to why I am not able to attend Communion with him. Also, to her credit, my wife is always “going the mile” preparing meals for my extended family on Easter and Christmas holidays. She may not formally BE a baptized Christian, but she certainly acts like one.

In other words, it seems that I have already accomplished what the Church wanted from me, that is, a commitment from my wife and I to bring up our children Catholic. We did it. So I am somewhat perplexed at being denied the privilege of taking the sacraments.

My family says I should just go ahead and partake of Communion. I haven’t done so because the priest at my attempted confession (sounds kinda like a crime – “attempted confession”) said I could not do so.

So, my question is, is the priest correct in that I am prohibited from engaging in Confession and Communion in a Catholic environment?

Obviously, I could go to my parish and discuss the matter with the Pastor. My wife is willing to go to classes, but I have not pressed her to do so because I believe she has excelled in showing her commitment to me and our child.

No doubt, there are a number of you out there who are able to point out what it is that I am not understanding. I’ll brace for your comments.

God bless all of you. Thanks for your interest and advice.

Brinoto
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Hi,

You cannot enter into a Sacramental Marriage since your “wife” is not Baptized. Canon Law states that a Marriage between a Catholic and an un-Baptized person is invalid. Your Bishop can dispense with the Canon. You need to ask your pastor to request a dispensation from your Bishop for you to Marry a non-Catholic and then have him witnes your vows. This will then be a valid Marriage (however not Sacramental) and your can return to the Sacraments.
 

You cannot enter into a Sacramental Marriage since your “wife” is not Baptized​

Why did you put the word wife in quotation marks? Is she not the wife to the poster?
 
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Lilyofthevalley:

You cannot enter into a Sacramental Marriage since your “wife” is not Baptized​

Why did you put the word wife in quotation marks? Is she not the wife to the poster?
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According to Church law they are not validly married.
 
Atsheeran, brother could have used a little tact and compassion something that is lacking on such a “CHristian” forum.
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
Atsheeran, brother could have used a little tact and compassion something that is lacking on such a “CHristian” forum.
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I was not passing judgment on these people. To tell the truth, my heart goes out to them. I know that Jesus loves them dearly. I was only trying to clarify what I think Br. Rich SFO was referring to.
 
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Brinoto:
the priest learned I was not married in the Catholic Church, he said he could not hear my confession and I could not receive any Sacraments. .
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the priest told you this in confession. he is right. you are not married in the Church, by your own free choice, so you have forfeited the right to enjoy the sacraments. assuming neither of you has been married before, and she is willing, you may approach your pastor about the steps needed to have your marriage recognized and blessed by the Church. While your joint willingness to abide by the commitment you made at your child’s baptism is commendable, and indeed the likely source of the grace leading you back to the Church, it is not enough to make your marriage valid. see your pastor right away, unless there is more you haven’t told us, it should be a fairly straightforward process. the marriage will not be sacramental, because your wife is not Christian, but it can be validated
 
Brinoto,

I would like to say that I fully understand the pain of hte situation you are in and reassure you that this can be worked out if you and your wife are willing to work with the Church. Part of this requires that you submit yourselves to the authority of the Church.

But I assure you, when we humble ourselves and are obedient to the Church, we are greatly blessed as a result.

I applaud you for having the courage to avoid communion in obedience to the priest in confession! You are an excellent example of a faithful Catholic.

I will add you to my prayers as you and your wife go through this process. Please keep us informed of what the priest says.

I do not know how long it will take for you to get your dispensation and would be interested in hearing more as it progresses.

Most Sincerely,

CARose
 
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Lilyofthevalley:

You cannot enter into a Sacramental Marriage since your “wife” is not Baptized​

Why did you put the word wife in quotation marks? Is she not the wife to the poster?
Click to expand...
Technically not yet!
 
So if I understand this correctly, if any marriage is not validized by the Catholic Church, whether it be a civil marriage between two catholics who have chosen not to marry through the Catholic Church, or a non-Catholic and Catholic not married by the Catholic Church, then by that decision alone have chosen to sacrifice the sacraments in the Catholic Church and are not able to receive them is that correct? (was that too confusing?)
 
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