Advice for a doctor's wife

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Hello all!

DH is just beginning his 2nd year as a medical resident. This is his second residency, since he switched specialties when we moved to the USA a few years ago, so I’m not terribly new to the life of a doctor’s wife. He’s been practicing since before we met. He’s a cradle Catholic who has been away from the church for many years, and I am just now beginning RCIA. My main focus between us right now is helping us both grow in faith together, so that we can both “come home” soon. He’s specifically asked me to take the reins on this several times as he’s become (by his own admission) a bit lazy spiritually. He had his faith seriously shaken by the divorce of his parents 16 years ago. I also think his career in science has made him feel distant from God in a way. We’re talking about a guy who spent every day of his childhood at an Opus Dei school and spent after school hours and all vacations at the Opus Dei house or on missions. He was extremely devout and, prior to the divorce, was thinking about discerning the priesthood. He’s a GREAT doctor and husband, so I’m happy he decided against that. 😉

Anyway, he currently has the notorious “resident’s schedule” which unfortunately only gives him 3-4 days off a month, if that. He rarely has Sunday or Saturday night off, so he’s not been able to attend mass with me, though he goes every time he is free. He leaves the house at 5am and comes home late at night, thoroughly exhausted. The little free time he has, he has to spend studying for endless tests. He’s done a miraculously good job of devoting as much time as possible to me, and I am so grateful.

I pray for him almost constantly. We do sometimes read the bible together, but that’s really the extent of our spiritual interaction. I’d love some ideas of ways I can help him grow in faith and spirituality without asking him to do the impossible and neglect his job or other duties. I frequently ask him to explain things that I’ve learned or read in the bible over dinner, since he really is quite knowledgeable. He’s a great teacher, and I think that helps him focus a bit more on God as well. I’m going to start asking him to pray with me before going to bed, before meals, etc. Any other ideas?

I’m also worried about him not being able to attend mass on days of obligation, including Sundays. What happens if, due to your job, you’re unable to go? He would, literally, lose his job if he went. 😦

Thanks all! Sorry for the long-windedness of this!
 
Some hospitals have Masses said at the Hospital or in the Chapel. He could check into it. Once you enter into the Church perhaps you could become a Eucharistic Minister. With special training, they may allow you to bring him the Eucharist at work. He could take a break with you.

If he is willing you could get two copies of “The Word Among us” and share your thoughts on these Spiritual reflections. They are only 1/2 page long. If he could call you, and you could pray together daily. That would build up both of your faiths. It need only take 5 minutes. 🙂
 
As far as I know, if one’s work is necessary - and nobody could say that a doctor’s work isn’t - then if one is unable to attend Mass because of it, then the obligation is set aside. Remember that he does a great service for God and humanity in his healing work.

Have a word with your priest about this - I’m pretty sure he’ll put your mind at rest about it.
 
You husband sounds a wonderful man with a deep love and knowledge of the Church. I think what you described is going to help rebuild his faith and trust in it. I would think as has been advised that his work would be acceptable as a reason he can’t attend regular Saturday or Sunday mass.

I wish you both good luck and a lot of happiness he sounds like he’s doing a great job as do you. Keep going and God bless.

:gopray2:
 
If you get a chance to have dinner together, even a few nights a week, perhaps talking about spiritual matters might be a good subject of conversation. Check out Father Leo’s website “Grace Before Meals” for some ideas.

Hopefully, he’s not doing a residency in neurosurgery, so there is some light at the end of the tunnel!
 
It sounds to me like you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes it’s the culmination of efforts that will make the difference, not the particular “value” of any single moment. 👍

At least you didn’t end up like my sister-in-law, who sees her M.D. husband’s work schedule as a justification to entertain herself with the company of other men. 🤷
 
Above all the best thing you could be doing, which you are, is to pray for your husband! Every wife should pray every day for their husband. Devote a prayer everyday to just your spouse, be it a Hail Mary as you go to bed, a Memorare when you rise or a decade of the Rosary, whatever you choose, be consistent and do this every day and try to make it at the same time everyday (as close as possible, at least.)

Other ideas to help grow the faith of your husband is to increase your love for God. Faith, hope and charity (love,) the greatest of these is love. As you increase your love for God, your husband will find you more attractive and follow you to Christ even more! Can you imagine increasing your attractiveness to your spouse?! Marriage only gets better as the spouses fall in love with God!

Try to attend masses as often as you can, and perhaps you’ll find a time that your husband can attend. Is there an afternoon mass where you both can attend and then go to lunch together? How about an adoration chapel? Before going out to dinner or a movie, ask your husband to stop at the chapel.

Do you have an act of spiritual communion prayer? There are many, but here are a couple:
sacredheart.com/CatholicPrayerSpiritualCommunion.htm

This one is from St. JoseMaria Escriva : josemariaescriva.info/article/opus-dei-founder-spiritual-communion-a-prayer-that-went-round-the-world Since he is familiar with Opus Dei, perhaps this one would be best for him and be the most familiar to him.

Give him a copy of the prayer(s) and say it with him when he can’t make it to mass. This prayer can be said many times through out the day, so be sure to use it yourself! 🙂

Encourage the sacrament of reconciliation. I would see if you could find a priest of Opus Dei (since he is already familiar) Faithful guidance will help to foster his love for God, and the confessional with a regular confessor would help him sort out his intimate faith life.

It is wonderful to see a young couple falling in love with God together. Marriage should be about strengthening each other in the love of God. We have been given our spouses to help us understand God’s love, and we must be the light for our spouse to help bring them to God.

May God bless you both!
 
for me not being able to go to Mass would be a deal breaker. I would ask for the opportunity to go, and see if they would accomodate him at work. Muslims who are required to face east and pray 4 times a day, are frequently allowed to pause in their work to do so.

just a thought…perhaps he has already investigated this.
 
Regina_Love said:
for me not being able to go to Mass would be a deal breaker. I would ask for the opportunity to go, and see if they would accomodate him at work. Muslims who are required to face east and pray 4 times a day, are frequently allowed to pause in their work to do so.

just a thought…perhaps he has already investigated this.
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Sometimes these things are just out of our control, as it appears to be with this doctor. Muslims can stop, face the East and pray wherever they are; it is likely impossible - as his wife implied - for this resident physician to actually get away for an hour or more during his work day.

When his time is his own then the situation will change.
 
Thanks for the great advice, everyone! I’ll keep it all in mind. I don’t believe his hospital offers mass. He works at the county hospital in a very poor area and resources are limited. The hospital is connected to a prison and we’re in a very Catholic area, so it might be a good idea to get one going! In any case, for various reasons, neither of us can receive the Eucharist at this point (he needs to go through reconciliation and I need to finish RCIA)

I’m sure once he finishes residency and fellowships, he’ll be able to organize his schedule to allow for religious obligations. Unfortunately, that won’t be for at least another 6 years. Until then, his time is owned by the hospital. 🤷

I think the fact that Holy Week is coming up makes this the perfect time to do some brainstorming about how we can celebrate together as much as possible. I think for a start, I’m going to see if I can get him to commit to a decade of the rosary each night and see where that leads us. 🙂

Thanks again, everyone!
 
I just finished my residency about a year ago. Physicians have a special dispensation to miss church when it is unavoidable.

In 4 years I only missed Sunday mass once. Fortunately I am at a huge parish that has many options for masses. There are definitely holy days of obligation that there are no ways around missing. You could argue that I did one of the more time consuming residencies (OB/gyn) and I certainly fell asleep in church from time to time when I would go post call but you just have to try your best. My wife is definitely the spiritual leader of our household because of the time and energy spent at my job but that works ok for us. With the work hour restrictions (unless your husband is general surgery) you should be able to make it to one of the masses each Sunday.

Good luck!
 
When working in the medical field your work is generally considered very necessary and thus a reasonable excuse for missing Mass. People get sick and injured whether it is Sunday or not, and caring for the health of God’s children is vital.

Catholic radio and EWTN generally have Masses at certain times of the day. Even if he can only see/hear part of it, it would be worthwhile.
 
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