Advice for NFP talk in parish

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maendem

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My husband and I have been asked to give a “witness talk” for NFP in a local parish. This is basically a 30-minute intro to NFP for local engaged couples going through marriage prep. It is not an instruction course in NFP - we have been asked to explain the basics of NFP, a bit of Church teaching on the subject, a bit of personal experience with it, and urge the couples to sign up for instruction classes. The audience is usually a mixed bag - many living together, most skeptical about NFP, a few planning to learn it already.

I’d love to hear any suggestions about what to include or exclude from such a talk. For those of you deep in the trenches of NFP now - is there anything you wish you had known before starting out? For those considering NFP - what additional info might help you start? For the skeptics - what is holding you back? Would it be better to focus more on the theology behind NFP or the science of the practice itself, or both equally?

Any (name removed by moderator)ut very welcome!👍
 
Really? No one has (name removed by moderator)ut on this?

I thought, given all the significant and/or volatile threads on here about NFP, there would be lots of strong opinions or ideas!

Anyone?
 
I wish I had had someone talk more about how pro-women NFP is. It’s really THE feminist option - it works with the female body rather than against it, and is about accepting your body rather than trying to thwart it. I was amazed how much sense this made when I heard it - and we were already practicing NFP!
Don’t get overly graphic! When we went to our first NFP talk, one man talked about how birth control inhibited his wife’s sex drive - but he was a bit more graphic than that. DH (then dear fiance) almost choked.
Good luck :). I’m sure you’ll do a great job.
 
maendem said:
My husband and I have been asked to give a “witness talk” for NFP in a local parish. This is basically a 30-minute intro to NFP for local engaged couples going through marriage prep. It is not an instruction course in NFP - we have been asked to explain the basics of NFP, a bit of Church teaching on the subject, a bit of personal experience with it, and urge the couples to sign up for instruction classes. The audience is usually a mixed bag - many living together, most skeptical about NFP, a few planning to learn it already.

I’d love to hear any suggestions about what to include or exclude from such a talk. For those of you deep in the trenches of NFP now - is there anything you wish you had known before starting out? For those considering NFP - what additional info might help you start? For the skeptics - what is holding you back? Would it be better to focus more on the theology behind NFP or the science of the practice itself, or both equally?

Any (name removed by moderator)ut very welcome!👍
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Here’s a previous thread that you may find helpful. And I know there was a more recent one, too.

Two things I remember from past comments… the audience appreciated knowing that it wasn’t all wonderful and the couple talking to them understood the flip side or struggles of NFP. They don’t accept stats and comments that seem wildly untrue.

Of course I couldn’t leave without pitching CW’s TGNAS&M or one of the other books about Catholic values concerning sex and marriage. It’s easy to provide a copy of “Contraception, Why Not?” as well.

I saw a ‘I ❤️ NFP’ bumper sticker once. You could give those out. Well, that might be pushing things a bit much.😊

Bless you for doing this!
 
Personally, I think you need to make it clear that NFP is NOT the alternative to contraception, it’s the alternative to total abstinence. It is the only morally licit way for Catholic couples to space or limit children for serious/grave/just reasons–not because a couple is “done” after 2 children. Also, NFP needs to be entered into prayerfully and discussion should ongoing about the need to continue using it–many think NFP is the default for marriage, when it shouldn’t be. You’ll probably say all of that much nicer than me, though 😊 😃

God bless
 
just wanted to add that I remember going to a similar-sounding weekend conference for the engaged a little over two years ago. I was really pretty pleased w/ the whole event, and loved the NFP talk (it was by a CCL teaching couple). There were a lot of mixed reactions, and I’m guessing you’ll have that, too. What made such an impact with me was hearing about the conversion story of the wife (I was to later convert, also, and her story was somewhat influential there, too). She’d been very feminist (yes, I know there’s Christ-loving feminism, but that’s not what she meant) and anti much of the Church’s moral teachings.

Anyway, the couple’s love for each other was very apparent and engaging.

The way JenniferJ said it about NFP not being an alternative to contraception (how it’s commonly perceived) would be a great point to hit home, if it can be done skillfully. I’ll pray for you right now that God gives you the wise words that these engaged people need to hear!
 
I would use Christopher West’s books and talk for ideas. I will pray for you and your husband. That talk isn’t always well taken.
 
I would emphasize that it’s not just for avoiding pregnancy,but also important for a woman’s health (catches possible reproductive abnormalities) and for when couples WANT to conceive. While I don’t think Pill-bashing is the best tack, it wouldn’t hurt to mention that it is abortifacient, since I would guess many users don’t realize this, or what it means.

Just my :twocents: Good luck!
 
Oh Professor Janet Smith has a good talk on why contraception is bad for society. Some of the research she sights in outstanding, but never told in secular society.
 
maendem said:
My husband and I have been asked to give a “witness talk” for NFP in a local parish. This is basically a 30-minute intro to NFP for local engaged couples going through marriage prep. It is not an instruction course in NFP - we have been asked to explain the basics of NFP, a bit of Church teaching on the subject, a bit of personal experience with it, and urge the couples to sign up for instruction classes. The audience is usually a mixed bag - many living together, most skeptical about NFP, a few planning to learn it already.

I’d love to hear any suggestions about what to include or exclude from such a talk. …
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Please, please, please emphasis the Church teaching that children are blessings. It’s a stong bet that most couples getting married *do *want children eventually, and if you only say how wonderful NFP is at preventing pregnancy it makes NFP and Church teachings very difficult to distinguish from the rest of the cultural influences telling them to stop at two. **Emphasize that children are blessings and that NFP for avoiding children should be used with prayerful discernment. **Mentioning how wonderful NFP is at avoiding pregnancy without mentioning what blessings children are, misses a big point about the Church teachings. If they encounter NFP couples and faithful Catholics with more than 2 children, they may remember that point that the Church teaches children are blessings, even if they don’t embrace the Church teachings right away.

I didn’t have very good marriage preparation. I married in the Catholic Church, used contraception and eventually fell away from the Church for a while to attend my husband’s Protestant church (that had no objection to contraception.) When I returned to the Catholic Church, I studied the Church teachings and what changed my heart was because the Catechism and all the quotes and footnotes from the Bible in that section of the Catechism really drove home something I already knew in my heart: children are blessings from God. Please show the Church teachings on NFP in light of that truth.

If applicable, share personal stories about your own babies how NFP helped you plan their conceptions–that clearly distinguishes NFP from contraception. Also contraception isn’t the only temptation married couples face. Some couples struggle with infertility and are tempted to use reproductive technologies that separate baby making from love making. Learning about how NFP can be used to conceive children could help those couples too.

God bless you as you give this talk. May it produce abundant fruits for the Church. :gopray:
 
Wow, you’ld think that with all the good suggestions here, someone somewhere would have a knock 'em dead script we could all use… :hmmm:
 
Thanks to each one of you for such great (name removed by moderator)ut and resources. I’m also very touched you would pray for us; thank you! We will take all of the suggestions very much to heart.
 
newbetx said:
Wow, you’ld think that with all the good suggestions here, someone somewhere would have a knock 'em dead script we could all use… :hmmm:
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No, the stories should come from living hearts, not from dead scripts. 😉
 
gardenswithkids said:
No, the stories should come from living hearts, not from dead scripts. 😉
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That’s funny!

I mean really, we shouldn’t have to do this from scratch either. Witnessing may be important and powerful, but so is good, solid teaching.
 
We do this talk often. And, the personal witness is so important. What brought you and your husband to this beautiful teaching? My husband and I came from both ends of the spectrum, so we speak about that. . different attitudes.

We ask the couples to be open to what we are going to say. So many times, you are turned off before you start. So, we ask for that.

I downloaded a copy of the insert that accompanies the pill and made an overhead. On that, I circled the 3 jobs of the pill, explaining the abortifacient aspect. So many times, people want to say that is wrong information. So, I read it for them. It is under, “clinical pharmacology.”

We talk about Humanae Vitae. .

We talk about how “normal” our lives are. . and how much NFP benefits our marriage.

Instead of a focus on the low divorce rate, we focus on the high success rate of marriage - 95 % or better.

We provide them with websites to back up everything we say.
 
nfpworks said:
We do this talk often. And, the personal witness is so important. What brought you and your husband to this beautiful teaching? My husband and I came from both ends of the spectrum, so we speak about that. . different attitudes.

We ask the couples to be open to what we are going to say. So many times, you are turned off before you start. So, we ask for that.

I downloaded a copy of the insert that accompanies the pill and made an overhead. On that, I circled the 3 jobs of the pill, explaining the abortifacient aspect. So many times, people want to say that is wrong information. So, I read it for them. It is under, “clinical pharmacology.”

We talk about Humanae Vitae. .

We talk about how “normal” our lives are. . and how much NFP benefits our marriage.

Instead of a focus on the low divorce rate, we focus on the high success rate of marriage - 95 % or better.

We provide them with websites to back up everything we say.
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Excellent! And thank you for investing your time in this.
 
nfpworks said:
Instead of a focus on the low divorce rate, we focus on the high success rate of marriage - 95 % or better.
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As someone who is just now seriously considering NFP, I want to comment on this. It really, really annoys me when priests, etc… use this statistic as “proof” that NFP is a good thing.

Use of this statistic is essentially saying, BECAUSE these couples use NFP, the RESULT is that they have more successful marriages. I feel this is a false correlation.

I would be more inclined to say that the reality is that couples who feel strongly enough about their religion to use NFP also feel strongly enough about their religion to disagree with divorce. I don’t think these couples were high-risk for divorce even before they started using NFP. I think it’s a false “if/then” correlary.

Also, I know many on here have said that you should not focus on NFP as contraception, but instead emphasize that children are gifts. I disagree with this as well. My husband and I want many children (at least 10 😊 ), but we do not want another right now. (We have two, 18 mo. and 5 mo.) Of course, if we were to conceive a child right now, we would be happy, but my/our foremost concern in considering NFP is how effective it is as a contraceptive. I’ve heard of far too many surprises on NFP to make me completely comfortable at this point.

It’s all well and good to say that children is a blessing; they certainly are; I’m not disputing that. But I think to focus on that would be detrimental. The reality is, many of these couple are looking to avoid conception. If you can’t convince them that NFP is effective at that, you’re going to have a hard time talking them out of ABC.
 
If you really spoke to people that have had “surprises” while using NFP you would find out those children really aren’t surprises. If you seriously follow NFP, there are not all that many surprises. You must understand it and you must follow the rules, but to be so strict could also mean you really aren’t open to God’s will for you marriage.

I first used NFP because I was not healthy and I wanted to figure out what was wrong. Dr. Hilgers from the Pope Paul Institute had us learn it to get a handle on my health and then later to conceive. The best part about NFP is that it teaches a women about her body and how God intends it to work. We used contraception here and there but soon found it drew us further apart. We were telling each other that we love one another and that we want to give our whole selves to the other, yet we weren’t. (Professor Janet Smith can explain how contraception tears apart the marriage and society.) Had we continued contraception we would have not lasted. We ended up turning totally to NFP. We had three children three years apart. That is not how we planned it. We were using NFP to conceive the entire time. On our 12th anniversary we decided to have another child. One month later God blessed us with a pregnancy. That little girl died 31 weeks after conception on Mother day of 2006. We gave that baby to Our Blessed Mother as her gift and I know God’s Grace helped us through. I fell in love with a Man. I married him and my love grew. The day he agreed to join me in the planning of our family was the day I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me. The day he carried our baby Theresa to her grave was the day I couldn’t fathom loving any other man. We got pregnant shortly after Theresa’s death. Baby Joseph died 14 weeks after conception. My husband and I then knew what it was to become one. Only because we have learned to work together in all things and totally give ourselves to one another have we been able to see that even in our sorrows is great joy if we but just say yes to the will of God. God carried us through that time. We continued to use NFP to avoid while trying to make sure my health would come back. Each month we visited and decide what was in our future. What would God want for us. We both realized that all our children are gifts from God and we are thankful for each one as we continued to decide what God would have us do. Just recently we found out that we are pregnant again. We wanted another child but both of us were to afraid. We became somewhat lax in charting and Praise God he had the nerve to bless us while weren’t looking. I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t say we were not generous in giving life and I don’t think anyone would have tossed a stone had we went on and had no more children. Praise God that his plans are higher than ours. He doesn’t create the rules to punish us. He creates them to keep us safe and we are only free when we freely choose what God wills for us. He is our Father and like all Fathers he want the very best for his children. When I tell my children to not play in the street, it isn’t because I know it is fun to play in the street and I want them to not have fun. It’s dangerous in the street and I want them to be safe. God gave us six children so far and we are thankful for all of them. If the child in my womb does not make it to the first breath, I will still love that child and I know that God has blessed my family with this special gift of life. We continue to pray that this baby will be born healthy and we are thankful for each moment it is growing within my womb. I know that had we contracepted and said NO to God, he would have no choice but be a good Father to us and not reward us for our turning away from him. There is only real peace when you trust in the one who loves you so much that he wished for you to be created.
 
dkoinzan said:
If you really spoke to people that have had “surprises” while using NFP you would find out those children really aren’t surprises. If you seriously follow NFP, there are not all that many surprises. You must understand it and you must follow the rules, but to be so strict could also mean you really aren’t open to God’s will for you marriage.
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There is at least one that, if not a “surprise”, was certainly an “oops”. Of course, since she’s the NFP teacher for the parish, she will tell you she and her husband “decided” to have another child when their oldest was 14. I, for one, have a very hard time believing that. (And I think if you knew this woman, you would, too.)

The intent of my post was not to attempt to diminish the gift that children are. But as someone who is primarily interested in not conceiving at this time, telling me how much your children are loved/how you* have a hard time conceiving/that it’s God’s will if I do get pregnant etc… is not a compelling reason for me to try NFP.

Everyone in this thread so far is already completely sold on NFP. I’m just trying to offer some (name removed by moderator)ut from someone who isn’t quite there, yet.

*a general “you” is intended here, not specifically you, dkoinzan
 
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