My rebuttal.
Originally Posted by
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*You do not appear to be looking at NFP with an open mind at this point. I can’t say that I can blame you for not “trusting” NFP. The problem isn’t that NFP is not trustworthy, though. It’s us. It’s us who have sex maybe a day early or late or something. Denying ourselves isn’t something our culture encourages these days.
I’m trying to have an open mind. I really am. But every time I ask questions about NFP, I don’t get answers. Instead I get happy-go-lucky stories about the goodness of God. I KNOW God is good. I know that if it is God’s will, I will get pregnant, even with ABC. What I want to know is if NFP is a reliable means to avoid pregnancy.*
You may not believe this, but I don’t like being told stuff like that, either. And it shouldn’t be any secret that NFP doesn’t prevent pregnancy either. It’s abstinence. Something many think of as a disease, not a strength. The “doing of somthing takes strength. Not doing something is weakness.” So here, someone gave us this article to read that isn’t so “happy go lucky.” NFP takes strength. So does marriage and raising kids. So really, it’s no coincidence that couples that are are strong can use NFP and have a more committed and loving marriage. OK, if you don’t like “cause and effect” maybe a symbiotic relationship is better. But I’d have to say that chastity within a marriage (cause) will lead to a more respectful relationship (effect). Respect strengthens the relationship. Sacrafice is a powerful way to show love and respect. Sacrafice isn’t respected as much as it used to be, either. So while some would like to say that these folks wouldn’t end up like half the other couples if they had ABC… My experience says that is unlikely.
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Reliability is usually measured in percentages. I think there are several different stats out there. In the final analysis, what IS a pregnancy for the couple? With an NFP couple with the proper marital attitude, there may be some “surprises” or “oops”. But they are still loved as gifts. Not treated as a “failure.” Our NFP counsellor was outrageous enough to tell us “If you use NFP and get pregnant, NFP didn’t fail, you were trying.” I fumed over that for years. She wasn’t exactly wrong, but it was arrogant. Here again is an example, that, for some reason, people think NFP is “Catholic Contraception.” That was how it was sold to us. THAT use of NFP is abuse (IMO) because the meaning of sex is still “just sex” for these people. There’s way more to it than that. What did I know then? I know I thought I knew it all. *
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And, no. NFP isn’t for everyone. There are a few “super fertile” or those with other issues that make determining fertility almost impossible. For these folks, Dad should just learn to do without that method of loving for a while. Abstinence isn’t the deadly killer some boys make it out to be. And I find it disturbing that couples wait until they’ve “had enough” kids to start the program. A woman should start working with NFP before she even gets married, even if she doesn’t think she’ll ever need it. NFP methods provide information. Information isn’t evil. If it weren’t for NFP charts, we probably would have not known that DW was having ovarian cyst problems for a short while. It got her to the right doctor in three months. Without charts, who knows?
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It’s not gossip, I spoke to the person. She swears they decided to have another child after 14 years. And no, I don’t believe her.
Listen to yourself, please.
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I am looking looking up the book as we “speak”. I’d like to say one more thing, though, again from someone who’s still unsure about NFP: I’m not alone when I say that sanctimony is not convicing. I don’t doubt that you do know more about marriage than I do. But I know more about my relationship with my husband than you do. Neither I, nor anyone I know, appreciates the sanctimonious, “Oh, SOMEDAY you’ll understand. You’re just too young now. I am old and wise.” I don’t doubt that you’re wise, and certainly wiser than I on the subject of NFP. But no one appreciates being talked down to.*
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Used to be that those with experience were sought out and looked up to. Because experience is valuable. Not so much anymore. Anyone with a blog is an expert now (if what they say one agrees with anyway.) And I do remember how arrogant and smart I thought I was 20 years ago. At the time I called it “confident and knowlegable.” While I don’t know you or your husband, I know a mistake we made years ago that almost killed our relationship. In fact, every relationship I ever had that was good ended up ruined by ABC. I call it the “ABC mentality.” “Sex is better, and more important, than pregnancy.” Through His grace I became aware of the mistake of the ABC mentality. I wish you didn’t think that anyone trying to convince you not to make the same mistake is “sanctimonious.”
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*I assure you that I changed my “coffee” and think everyone else should too. TOB IS for everyone. *.
), but we do not want another right now. (We have two, 18 mo. and 5 mo.) Of course, if we were to conceive a child right now, we would be happy, but my/our foremost concern in considering NFP is how effective it is as a contraceptive. I’ve heard of far too many surprises on NFP to make me completely comfortable at this point. .
NFP is just sort of the tip of the “iceburg” (wish there were positive term) of the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality.