Advice for on-line dating

[Rence]

Wow, what a piece of work that guy was! Glad you avoided meeting him.

I would definitely investigate someone as much as I could before meeting him. I’m going to meet with a guy I’ve been talking to for a little while now, and I have found out as much about him as I could. So far what he says and what I can find on-line totally match up. But I think you are 100% correct that it pays to be very cautious. It’s not hard to pose as someone else or as an unmarried version of yourself on-line, and there isn’t a shortage of people unscrupulous enough to do so. Sorry you went through three years of that though. Wow.

Eh, like I said, I started taking it seriously a week, or even two, ago. I do miss corresponding with him but yeah I’m grateful it went no further. It could have ended up much worse. He’s disturbed enough as it is.

 

[heidi_storage]

For what it’s worth–and this is just anecdotal–I had a great experience with online dating; met my wonderful husband. True, people can lie their heads off with more ease online than in person, but people whom you casually meet can also surprise you in unpleasant ways (including being married; happened to me once). Bottom line, be careful no matter what venue you’re using, but if you really don’t have many other opportunities to meet potential mates with the same values and goals as you, online dating can offer an expanded pool of candidates.

 

[FriendlyFace]

For what it’s worth–and this is just anecdotal–I had a great experience with online dating; met my wonderful husband. True, people can lie their heads off with more ease online than in person, but people whom you casually meet can also surprise you in unpleasant ways (including being married; happened to me once). Bottom line, be careful no matter what venue you’re using, but if you really don’t have many other opportunities to meet potential mates with the same values and goals as you, online dating can offer an expanded pool of candidates.

Thank you for sharing. I certainly agree with all you’ve said here.

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Ave Maria! Christian Dating Company (run by a devout Catholic/Christian?) was in a link on Catholic Answers I read somewhere recently (I did not have time to fully read the website (just quickly read testimonials and about the Founder). I referred their Company to a girlfriend of mine whom is Christian and close to Jesus for her to join up. There is a high success rate; most of whom are now married to other Christian people and extremely happy!

I would be only using this site as a dating site starting out!

Kindest wishes,

 

[GraceUnderFire]

I think online dating can be hit or miss–mostly miss! Some people luck out and meet someone after a relatively short time. For others, it involves many dates and sometimes years of searching. Both AMS and CM have problems:

-AMS: poorly designed and when it crashes (or goes down for maintenance) it can be weeks at a time; the pool of members is small and the men on there are looking for a “Catholic Barbie”

-CM: more “exciting” than AMS and easier to interact with other members; however there are MUCH more unorthodox Catholics on there (ie people who have no problem with pre-marital sex or contraception); the men are extremely passive and often state in their profiles that they welcome being contacted by women; the orthodox men on this site are still in “Catholic Barbie” mode

I think the main problem with online dating is it is very easy to dismiss people for superficial reasons whereas if you met this person in real life, you might interact with them a bit before dismissing them. There is a lot of uncharitable behavior online.

 

[FriendlyFace]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Ave Maria! Christian Dating Company (run by a devout Catholic/Christian?) was in a link on Catholic Answers I read somewhere recently (I did not have time to fully read the website (just quickly read testimonials and about the Founder). I referred their Company to a girlfriend of mine whom is Christian and close to Jesus for her to join up. There is a high success rate; most of whom are now married to other Christian people and extremely happy!

I would be only using this site as a dating site starting out!

Kindest wishes,

I actually can’t find this site anywhere. Could you post a link to it? Thanks for the info though.

 

[agapewolf]

avemariasingles.com

 

[FriendlyFace]

I think online dating can be hit or miss–mostly miss! Some people luck out and meet someone after a relatively short time. For others, it involves many dates and sometimes years of searching. Both AMS and CM have problems:

-AMS: poorly designed and when it crashes (or goes down for maintenance) it can be weeks at a time; the pool of members is small and the men on there are looking for a “Catholic Barbie”

Yeah, I’ve been on AMS for a while now. I’m going to meet a guy I’ve been talking to on it soon. I hope he doesn’t want a Barbie. I’m way too short for one thing. (huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/10/barbie-body-real-life-infographic_n_3057690.html)

-CM: more “exciting” than AMS and easier to interact with other members; however there are MUCH more unorthodox Catholics on there (ie people who have no problem with pre-marital sex or contraception); the men are extremely passive and often state in their profiles that they welcome being contacted by women; the orthodox men on this site are still in “Catholic Barbie” mode

Yeah, I’ve thought of joining this one, but there weren’t many guys in my area on it. Not that there are many guys in my area on AMS, but I already paid for that membership.

I think the main problem with online dating is it is very easy to dismiss people for superficial reasons whereas if you met this person in real life, you might interact with them a bit before dismissing them. There is a lot of uncharitable behavior online.

True, but it does give me more hope than trying to date non-Catholics. :yup:

 

[FriendlyFace]

avemariasingles.com

Really, because she said the site she was talking about didn’t sound like AMS. She said it had a high success rate and that most of the members are married and happy. But the site has really been a huge mess for several months now, and it’s very hard to use because of all the glitches.

 

[agapewolf]

Really, because she said the site she was talking about didn’t sound like AMS. She said it had a high success rate and that most of the members are married and happy. But the site has really been a huge mess for several months now, and it’s very hard to use because of all the glitches.

I’ve been on there for yeeears. Never had glitches till the last couple months, due to them switching servers and overhauling the whole site, set to come out at the end of May.

 

[GraceUnderFire]

I’ve been on there for yeeears. Never had glitches till the last couple months, due to them switching servers and overhauling the whole site, set to come out at the end of May.

There was a major glitch last fall and another one earlier this year for several weeks to a month long each. Management did not communicate well with members. I remember regularly checking the FB site and seeing others voice frustration. Then after the most recent outage, there were problems with lost messages, incorrect ages, members showing as inactive or expired, etc. Again, NO communication about those problems. Members had to discover them on their own.

 

[GraceUnderFire]

Yeah, I’ve been on AMS for a while now. I’m going to meet a guy I’ve been talking to on it soon. I hope he doesn’t want a Barbie. I’m way too short for one thing. (huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/10/barbie-body-real-life-infographic_n_3057690.html)

True, but it does give me more hope than trying to date non-Catholics. :yup:

Good luck with your first meeting! And true, AMS and CM are better than nothing.

 

[FriendlyFace]

There was a major glitch last fall and another one earlier this year for several weeks to a month long each. Management did not communicate well with members. I remember regularly checking the FB site and seeing others voice frustration. Then after the most recent outage, there were problems with lost messages, incorrect ages, members showing as inactive or expired, etc. Again, NO communication about those problems. Members had to discover them on their own.

It has been extremely frustrating lately, and even before all the glitches, a lot of members were dissatisfied with the site. I sure hope the overhauled site is worth it. I don’t think it makes sense to charge people money for the service the way it’s been lately. (Though I’m not really complaining because I’ve been a member for long enough that I feel I got my money’s worth a long time ago. )

 

[FriendlyFace]

Good luck with your first meeting! And true, AMS and CM are better than nothing.

Thank you! I’m pretty nervous, and I could certainly use prayers if you’ve got any to spare!

 

[LoveJesus13]

FriendlyFace,

I offer you my prayer for your date but I also hope that you use your brain over your heart while doing online dating. As I’ve experienced and many on CAF, you need to take online dating with much precaution. The success rate is slim and don’t go diving in thinking you are going to meet “the one.” I met a couple people online and trust me, as a strong Catholic practicing Chastity- guys on there LIE! There was this guy who said he was 7/7 meaning that he believed in all of the church’s teachings including chastity and when we met, he said he believed in the exact opposite. He wanted to have sex and said chastity was too hard for him. A lot of people on there want to portray themselves as holier than they are when in reality they don’t really follow the faith. I think for ME, it’s best to SEEK Jesus than seek your spouse. I read on here: Don’t online date but “in-line” date meaning while in-line for confession or in-line at church you can meet someone…haha that was positively encouraging and funny.

God bless you!

 

[joanofarc2008]

Update on AMS. The site was down for a time. When I went to log back on I was unable to do so. I contacted them and they offered me my subscription premium free of charge and apologized and explained that due to the servers being down that some subscriptions had been lost from the server. I had to supply my address and date of birth to confirm. They all asked for my prayers. They were very nice. I feel very relieved that they acted in a very Christian manner about the whole thing - more so than I ever would have expected them to. More than I even think is fair to them.

 

[FriendlyFace]

Update on AMS. The site was down for a time. When I went to log back on I was unable to do so. I contacted them and they offered me my subscription premium free of charge and apologized and explained that due to the servers being down that some subscriptions had been lost from the server. I had to supply my address and date of birth to confirm. They all asked for my prayers. They were very nice. I feel very relieved that they acted in a very Christian manner about the whole thing - more so than I ever would have expected them to. More than I even think is fair to them.

I’m not doubting that they are Christians, but what good is a premium membership if you can’t log in? (It’s not letting me even go to the site right now, and it’s not uncommon that the site just plain isn’t available/working lately.) I hope the new site gets up and running soon. Sigh.

 

[FriendlyFace]

FriendlyFace,

I offer you my prayer for your date but I also hope that you use your brain over your heart while doing online dating. As I’ve experienced and many on CAF, you need to take online dating with much precaution. The success rate is slim and don’t go diving in thinking you are going to meet “the one.” I met a couple people online and trust me, as a strong Catholic practicing Chastity- guys on there LIE! There was this guy who said he was 7/7 meaning that he believed in all of the church’s teachings including chastity and when we met, he said he believed in the exact opposite. He wanted to have sex and said chastity was too hard for him. A lot of people on there want to portray themselves as holier than they are when in reality they don’t really follow the faith. I think for ME, it’s best to SEEK Jesus than seek your spouse. I read on here: Don’t online date but “in-line” date meaning while in-line for confession or in-line at church you can meet someone…haha that was positively encouraging and funny.

God bless you!

Thanks, I am trying to be cautious and guard my heart! If I haven’t met someone, I consider them a stranger. Thank you for the reminder to be extra cautious though. I don’t think the guy I’m meeting is lying, but I’ll keep paying close attention. So far things are adding up though.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I did online dating for several years on and off and to be honest had more failures than successes.

Match: I tried this one for a couple of years on and off and outside of a couple of guys who didn’t connect it was a bust. One guy was married and many more lied about their height, age or weight. Several lied big time and when I met them they looked nothing like their profile.

CatholicMatch: I see a few people mentioned this one and I generally had bad experiences that left me in tears. I met a fantastic guy who would be a great boyfriend if he was older and lived closer. We stay in touch as friends but then again we really didn’t meet as potential partners because of the age and location but he happened to be in my area for the weekend. Really great guy. Outside of him the majority were mostly freaks. One guy seemed cool until he started spouting severe racist and sexist comments. This guy then admitted he was annulled and he used to hit his wife and saw nothing wrong with that since women are to be controlled by men. Many of the men rejected me strictly on my age and I got contacted by a lot of men older than my dad. Also got contacted by divorced men with children, even though I stated I am not open to dating divorced dads. When I had a membership there I would often post in the women only forum and many of the women would talk about how the men their age would bypass them. The men were very blunt about this in the forums, including men in their 60’s who still wanted kids but still thought they could get women in their 20’s.

Plenty Of Fish: I met one decent man on this but he decided after one date he felt no chemistry so we never met again. The rest though, yuck. Had several men just looking for sex contact me and many of the men who contacted me were not religious, and usually had several kids by different women (and didn’t marry any of them). This was also the case on the other free sites I tried as well.

Oddly as I was doing online I met a guy offline who fits what I desire, including being Catholic. We share the same activities and have many mutual friends and he lives a couple of blocks away.

 

[FriendlyFace]

I did online dating for several years on and off and to be honest had more failures than successes.

Me too. Just hoping for one success.

Match: I tried this one for a couple of years on and off and outside of a couple of guys who didn’t connect it was a bust. One guy was married and many more lied about their height, age or weight. Several lied big time and when I met them they looked nothing like their profile.

I met some nice guys on this one years ago, but we weren’t compatible belief-wise.

CatholicMatch: I see a few people mentioned this one and I generally had bad experiences that left me in tears. I met a fantastic guy who would be a great boyfriend if he was older and lived closer. We stay in touch as friends but then again we really didn’t meet as potential partners because of the age and location but he happened to be in my area for the weekend. Really great guy. Outside of him the majority were mostly freaks. One guy seemed cool until he started spouting severe racist and sexist comments. This guy then admitted he was annulled and he used to hit his wife and saw nothing wrong with that since women are to be controlled by men. Many of the men rejected me strictly on my age and I got contacted by a lot of men older than my dad. Also got contacted by divorced men with children, even though I stated I am not open to dating divorced dads. When I had a membership there I would often post in the women only forum and many of the women would talk about how the men their age would bypass them. The men were very blunt about this in the forums, including men in their 60’s who still wanted kids but still thought they could get women in their 20’s.

There are also some bad apples on AMS, but a lot of good guys too. At least the bad apples are usually pretty obvious about it! Sounds like you met some scary ones.

Oddly as I was doing online I met a guy offline who fits what I desire, including being Catholic. We share the same activities and have many mutual friends and he lives a couple of blocks away.

Awesome. I hope it works out. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!