Advice for Protestant friend about to divorce

[Layp3rs0n]

My friend is a non denominational christian. He has two step children and one daughter with his wife. Their marriage has been tumultuous at times. In the last six months, things had really improved. Then my friend was hospitalized for diabetes for a week and when he came home his wife told him she was leaving. She did so, and he decided to try to honor his vows and wait for her return (she has left before and then came back. Once taking the kids from Maryland to Washington state without asking). Well the other day, my friend having not heard from even his daughter used an app on his phone to locate her. His daughter’s phone is on his account. Well, turns out his wife went to the school, un-enrolled the kids, drove to Okla-freaking-homa and enrolled them in school there. My friend contacted the police, but for some reason this IS legal and they advised him to divorce and fight for custody.

If my friend divorces, being protestant, will not seek an annulment and at some point likely will remarry. When he called me to tell me all this even I, a staunch Catholic who believes divorce is NEVER an option, almost told him to kick her butt the curb and get his kids back. I don’t know what to tell him. He could wait more, but his wife seems so unstable. If he were Catholic I would tell him to see if he qualifies for an annulment. Then again, I do not know if his wife’s instability has been present prior to their marriage. I really don’t know what to say.

 

[agnes_therese]

1. He needs your support for the situation now, not for some maybe-someday-he-might-remarry scenario.
2. He also needs to get a lawyer. Yesterday.

Of course it’s legal for her to move the children – she’s their mother, and there’s nothing legal in place to prevent her. He really should have gotten a lawyer when she moved out, but what’s done is done.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Thank you, Agnes.

 

[Zekariya]

When he called me to tell me all this even I, a staunch Catholic who believes divorce is NEVER an option, almost told him to kick her butt the curb and get his kids back. I don’t know what to tell him. He could wait more, but his wife seems so unstable. If he were Catholic I would tell him to see if he qualifies for an annulment. Then again, I do not know if his wife’s instability has been present prior to their marriage. I really don’t know what to say.

Divorce is a legitimate Catholic option. Remarriage after divorce is never an option unless a marriage tribunal looks at the facts and says that the first marriage was invalid and never occurred.

 

[gardenswithkids]

You mentioned he has two step-children. If his wife was married previously and her “ex” husband is still alive, he may not even be in a sacramental marriage in the first place.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Yeah, thought of that but the step children are from premarital sex with another man entirely not a previous marriage. Thank you all so much for your responses!

 

[maryjk]

If my friend divorces, being protestant, will not seek an annulment and at some point likely will remarry. When he called me to tell me all this even I, a staunch Catholic who believes divorce is NEVER an option, almost told him to kick her butt the curb and get his kids back. I don’t know what to tell him. He could wait more, but his wife seems so unstable. If he were Catholic I would tell him to see if he qualifies for an annulment. Then again, I do not know if his wife’s instability has been present prior to their marriage. I really don’t know what to say.

Your belief isn’t staunch Catholic, but your own personal belief.

The Church realizes that divorce is sometimes the only way to protect yourself or your children. It sounds like the only way to protect his relationship with his child is to file for divorce.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Okay, thank you. I wanted to make certain I was not comiting sin if I recomend divorce.

 

[MJJean]

1. The reason the wife could leave with the shared child is that they are still legally married and share custody equally under the law. Your friend could literally drive to Oklahoma and take his child back with him and there is nothing anyone can do. Of course, the wife could follow and take the child back. Your friend really does need a lawyer. In order for anything to be done there will need to be a court order and one that the judges in Oklahoma would be willing to enforce. Sometimes, states dig in their heels and refuse to follow orders from other states relating to custody, etc.

The Church says that divorce for the protection of self and children is permissible, so I’d say your friend is in the clear considering the situation.

1. You don’t have to be Catholic to get an annulment. Anyone can apply for an annulment for any reason. If your friend and his wife don’t manage to work things out again and actually do go through with a divorce you could suggest your friend apply for annulment if it would make him feel better about possibly remarrying down the road. Even though he is not Catholic, if he has faith in God and believes marriage to be for life it might help him feel really free and clear to have a Tribunal say the marriage was never valid in God’s eyes which I would suspect considering the wife’s flaky behavior. Not to mention that the process is healing.

Poor guy. I hope he gets help from the courts or his wife comes back to their state with the kids on her own. My buddy had his ex take their son to NC,SC, and then TX. She never got court permission to leave the state, but none of the courts out of state will do anything about her violating the court order to remain in MI. He hasn’t seen his boy in about 7 years now. It’s heartbreaking.