J
jtwp5
Guest
(Disclaimer: I tried explaining my life story but can’t seem to put it in words. I apologize for any confusion.)
I’m a 20 year old male college student and I’ve been struggling with a variety of things. Same sex attraction, masturbation, pornography, depression, and social anxiety. I tend to think they are all inter-related. I really struggle with my self-worth sometimes.
I’m trying to type this and my mind is going everywhere at the moment. I really wanted to do this today and get everything put out in words. I know there is nothing wrong with SSA unless you act upon the attractions. I’m not sure if I am justifying why I did what I did or not. My parents raised me to respect women and growing up I kind of viewed sex as bad so I would suppress my attractions towards women. I ended up discovering masturbation and porn followed shortly after that. I can get extremely jealous/envious of other male bodies too. So I’m confused as to why I view it, is it because of that envy or something else?
I was overweight for the longest time, I’ve since lost a lot of weight but can’t bring myself to goto a gym. I never had many friends growing up, I was mostly alone. I don’t think I really started talking to people until Sophomore year of High School. Fast forward to college and nothing much has changed. I am a lot better socializing now but still don’t have anyone to hang out with. I’m just so afraid of socializing in certain situations. Maybe I need to get a therapist or something to help with this. I’ve wasted half of my time in college just getting by, the only thing I’ve done spiritually is to start going to confession at least once a month. I normally go every 2 weeks. I don’t think about masturbating at all and then as it gets closer to the 2 week mark I find myself “needing release”. Trying to suppress a physical urge with your mind is extremely difficult to me. I need to find something physical todo to replace that bad habit. Yet I’m so afraid of certain social situations and how my body looks I can’t bring myself to goto a gym or something.
Ok, I’m going to stop there. I’m trying to type the point I want to get across. It seems I can explain this in my head but typing it out isn’t working. I really want to change my life and escape from this cycle of depression I seem to fall in every time I give in to porn. I also need to improve my self-esteem and body image and over come this social anxiety I feel. I feel like I’ve wasted the last 2 years of my life. I keep saying “I’ll change” and I never do. I thought with this lenten season I may be able to change some of this but I’ve yet to see any indicators of that. I typed this sloppy draft at least. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
I’m a 20 year old male college student and I’ve been struggling with a variety of things. Same sex attraction, masturbation, pornography, depression, and social anxiety. I tend to think they are all inter-related. I really struggle with my self-worth sometimes.
I’m trying to type this and my mind is going everywhere at the moment. I really wanted to do this today and get everything put out in words. I know there is nothing wrong with SSA unless you act upon the attractions. I’m not sure if I am justifying why I did what I did or not. My parents raised me to respect women and growing up I kind of viewed sex as bad so I would suppress my attractions towards women. I ended up discovering masturbation and porn followed shortly after that. I can get extremely jealous/envious of other male bodies too. So I’m confused as to why I view it, is it because of that envy or something else?
I was overweight for the longest time, I’ve since lost a lot of weight but can’t bring myself to goto a gym. I never had many friends growing up, I was mostly alone. I don’t think I really started talking to people until Sophomore year of High School. Fast forward to college and nothing much has changed. I am a lot better socializing now but still don’t have anyone to hang out with. I’m just so afraid of socializing in certain situations. Maybe I need to get a therapist or something to help with this. I’ve wasted half of my time in college just getting by, the only thing I’ve done spiritually is to start going to confession at least once a month. I normally go every 2 weeks. I don’t think about masturbating at all and then as it gets closer to the 2 week mark I find myself “needing release”. Trying to suppress a physical urge with your mind is extremely difficult to me. I need to find something physical todo to replace that bad habit. Yet I’m so afraid of certain social situations and how my body looks I can’t bring myself to goto a gym or something.
Ok, I’m going to stop there. I’m trying to type the point I want to get across. It seems I can explain this in my head but typing it out isn’t working. I really want to change my life and escape from this cycle of depression I seem to fall in every time I give in to porn. I also need to improve my self-esteem and body image and over come this social anxiety I feel. I feel like I’ve wasted the last 2 years of my life. I keep saying “I’ll change” and I never do. I thought with this lenten season I may be able to change some of this but I’ve yet to see any indicators of that. I typed this sloppy draft at least. Any suggestions would be appreciated.