Advice for troubled marriages:

[TLM08]

This was a reply I gave to a man who is about to lose his family to divorce. I cannot possibly give any more praise to the work of John Bradshaw in the area of family therapy. The words. “husband and wife” or “man and woman” are interchangeable. We are all in this together. I hope this helps anyone who is in a troubled marriage. If you are a victim of physical abuse, consult your priest and (or) the police!
God Bless!

Read John Bradshaw’s “Creating Love”. He is a former Catholic priest and his work absolutely saved my marriage. Ten years ago, we on the verge of divorce. Today, we cannot imagine life without each other.

In the short term, tell your wife that you love her and the children with all of your heart. Tell her that you are a broken man who has let her down. Ask forgiveness and promise her today that you are going to “fix” your shortcommings and commit to becoming the very best husband you can be.

Don’t force the issue or rush her… Just let her know that you are going to fix yourself. Realize that she plays a part in this too. But by shouldering the 100% of the blame yourself, she has no chance to go on the defensive and will see no need to attack. On her own, she will look inwardly at herself and probably see that she needs work too. If she acknowledges any fault, simply say:
“I love you so much and I am so deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused you”

Like I said, if not for Bradshaw’s work, It’s about breaking destructive relationship patterns. I would have lost my family ten years ago.

God Bless You!

 

[kage_ar]

“Former catholic priest” - no thanks, I’ll get marital information from those how accept Church teaching.

 

[TLM08]

“Former catholic priest” - no thanks, I’ll get marital information from those how accept Church teaching.

What might that be? Embrace the sufferings of a bad marriage and thank God for them?

 

[joandarc2008]

I think we should look at the message and not the messenger.

God bless,

 

[emill311]

In the short term, tell your wife that you love her and the children with all of your heart. Tell her that you are a broken man who has let her down. Ask forgiveness and promise her today that you are going to “fix” your shortcommings and commit to becoming the very best husband you can be.

Don’t force the issue or rush her… Just let her know that you are going to fix yourself. Realize that she plays a part in this too. But by shouldering the 100% of the blame yourself, she has no chance to go on the defensive and will see no need to attack. On her own, she will look inwardly at herself and probably see that she needs work too. If she acknowledges any fault, simply say:
“I love you so much and I am so deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused you”

Like I said, if not for Bradshaw’s work, It’s about breaking destructive relationship patterns. I would have lost my family ten years ago.

God Bless You!

Haven’t read the book but have tried this approach in my marital struggles, with less than stellar results. For an approach like this to work, you both have to be equally committed to your faith, or perhaps “on the same page” when it comes to what you need to do to fix yourself. YMMV. I’ve been forced to turn to secular couples counseling for any hope of saving my relationship, our first session isn’t for another 3 weeks, and I’m very sad because my wife and I seem to be at an impasse right now. Prayers for our marriage would be appreciated.

 

[micatholic]

There is no value in divorce. It is on par with abortion. Pure evil sanctioned by the state.

 

[TLM08]

There is no value in divorce. It is on par with abortion. Pure evil sanctioned by the state.

Let me get this straight:

Divorcing an abusive spouse is just as evil as butchering a child while alive inside her mother’s womb? You have GOT to be kidding… right?

 

[Eucharisted]

What might that be? Embrace the sufferings of a bad marriage and thank God for them?

Actually, that’s what Saint Monica did. And guess what? Her good example converted her husband to Christianity.

 

[joandarc2008]

There is no value in divorce. It is on par with abortion. Pure evil sanctioned by the state.

I respectfully disagree with this comment. While there are many marriages that can be saved that many “give up on” too early due to whatever there are some that are not and are never going to be the sacramental marriage that represents the love that Christ has for his bride, the Church. In that case it is my personal belief that the parties should be able to get an anullment when possible and when possible have the type of marriage that embodies that sacrament. I am not speaking of the type of “we just don’t get along any more.” I am speaking of the type of marriage entered into where one or both of the parties had an impediment to marriage that set up for its failure. And yes, in the case of an abusive spouse - I would say the impediment would be a psychological issue that would block that spouse from loving his/her bride/groom as the Church/Jesus loves His Church/Jesus. (Confusing sentence but don’t want to leave out that women can be abusive too.)

2390 In a so-called free union, a man and a woman refuse to give juridical and public form to a liaison involving sexual intimacy.

The expression “free union” is fallacious: what can “union” mean when the partners make no commitment to one another, each exhibiting a lack of trust in the other, in himself, or in the future?

The expression covers a number of different situations: concubinage, rejection of marriage as such, or inability to make long-term commitments.183 All these situations offend against the dignity of marriage; they destroy the very idea of the family; they weaken the sense of fidelity. They are contrary to the moral law. The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage. Outside of marriage it always constitutes a grave sin and excludes one from sacramental communion.

I believe this is the correct cannonical law in which annullments are granted however, I also do believe that divorce without attempt at reconciliation or for extraneous reasons is wrong.

God bless,

 

[micatholic]

Separate from the abusive spouse. I have been through both and divorce and abortion are the same thing.

 

[Jay53]

“Former catholic priest” - no thanks, I’ll get marital information from those how accept Church teaching.

Just wanted to point out that this gentleman left the seminary before actually being ordained. But, “former Catholic priest” also doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not Catholic anymore. I happen to know one such man who is very much still a practicing Catholic.

Born into a troubled family on June 29, 1933 in Houston, Texas and abandoned by his alcoholic father at a young age, John became both an academic overachiever and an out-of-control teenager. He later studied for the Roman Catholic priesthood at a Basilian seminary where he remained for nine and one-half years, leaving just a few days prior to being ordained. johnbradshaw.com/johnsbio.aspx

 

[Lerin]

Let me get this straight:

Divorcing an abusive spouse is just as evil as butchering a child while alive inside her mother’s womb? You have GOT to be kidding… right?

TLM, we agree on something!!!

 

[Lerin]

Separate from the abusive spouse. I have been through both and divorce and abortion are the same thing.

Separation doesn’t always offer complete lgeal protection from the former spouse.

In fact, in my area, before you can ask for a Tribunal to determine the validity of your marriage, you have to file a divorce and have it final for six months. I doubt the Tribunal would ask us to commit a mortal sin.

Your views and opinions are not consistent with Church teaching in this matter.

That being siad, I am sorry that you have suffered through an abortion. Many women have been helped by Rachel’s Vineyard.

As for an abusive marriage, if you have gone through this as well, I am sorry you have accepted false teaching on whether a civil divorce is a mortal sin. It isn’t. Talk to a priest, research the Catechism, and find hope and healing.

 

[TLM08]

TLM, we agree on something!!!

Miracles happen after all!