Momma5…First of all, let me say that I am sorry that you and your family are having to go through such a hard time.
I myself just recently divorced 2-1/2 years ago. However, my parents divorced when I was 26 and my brother was 24
As far as being an adult going through my parents divorce, I didn’t care who the fault laid with. It was very obvious why my parents divorced. The chaos in the end (for my family) didn’t matter because about 2 years after my parents divorced, my brother died at the age of 26, so divorce for my family seemed a little nil at that point. Also, I do believe that was a turning point for my parents that fighting or who was right or wrong didn’t matter. My dad put me through heck though during their divorce. He wanted me to know EVERYTHING my mother did wrong. He wanted his side told at the cost of my feelings. I think he thought this was going to “get me on his side”. However, it actually made me have greater respect for my mother because she was more concerned about what we were going through and not who was right or wrong. Also, my dad didn’t realize that my mom had already come to us and confessed the things that she had done wrong in the marriage, which I look up to her also for doing. We as kids see our parents as being superhumans and it lets you see they have a down to earth side and it is okay to make mistakes because God is merciful. In the end, I had to tell my father that I didn’t care what my mother did and I didn’t care what he did or didn’t do, that they were BOTH my parents and I loved them dearly and as parents they were the best anybody could have ever had. Having to get a divorce or going through a divorce doesn’t make you to be a bad parent. Now speaking from my side going through a divorce, I keep my mouth completely shut about my ex-husband, my kids are 11 and 14. But it is because I know the other side of wanting them to know your side, and there is no good side, no matter which side it is. You need to now be the best coparents of these kids that you can be. They need to be made aware of the fact that they can love both parents without feeling they are betraying the other one. Divorce is hard to go through. It is hard having parents divorce and it is also hard to go through one yourself. But, I know for myself, I want my kids to be like I was with my mother, I want them to say, you know, mom never said anything bad about dad. I think in the end, it will benefit you to, as they say, “take the higher road”. Also, perhaps may be their father has changed, I know divorce can cause a person to change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. But even if he hasn’t changed to you, it doesn’t mean that his kids needs to know every detail of the divorce. I know I didn’t want to know, but I had to unfortunately hear it. I think my parents would have chosen to do things a lot differently, especially if they had saw into the future and knew their only son was going to die. I still think they would have divorced, but I think they would have tried to not put so much on their only two kids, especially my father. So, now he has to deal with guilt from that. Anyway, I will be glad to answer anything else for you if I haven’t. God Bless you and your family. I know exactly what you and your kids are going through from both sides.
