Advice from married people please?

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ironman62292

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I have a question for all of you married people. How is it being married? How is it having children? I ask this because I feel deeply divided. I have no idea what God wants me to do. I have a strong attraction to the priesthood and also to marriage. I can’t be called to both.

I have always deeply enjoyed the thought of a very beautiful and loving wife with beautiful children to call my own. I know some very nice good natured, beautiful girls at my school. Thats when I think to myself, what does it feel like to hold hands with someone you love, what is it like to hold your own new born child in your arms.

I have a long while to think about this, but I might as well start now. The priesthood, a loving marriage. Both are wonderous treasures. I just don’t know.🤷

What do you all think?
 
I don’t know what advice to give other than you need to truely search your calling, if you are called to marriage and still yern to serve, you could search about being a deacon.
 
I don’t know if anyone’s advice is gonna help you with this. But I would suggest, if you have any pull towards the priesthood, go on a vocations retreat.

It’s very easy to “pursue” marriage. The burden is on the call to the priesthood. If God is calling you to marriage, as opposed to the priesthood, He’ll find a way.

I have one friend whom I thought was made to be a priest–he’d never even been kissed till he was in his mid-20s. He had no struggles with chastity as a single man. He felt a strong call to the priesthood.

He was just about ready to enter the seminary when he met the perfect woman for him.

Another friend wanted to be a priest. He met a woman at a chastity education class. She basically proposed to him. He fled to the diocesan see to volunteer with the Diocese for a year while he considered his vocation. They are now married and have three kids.

So, if you pursue the priesthood-prayerfully-and God is calling you elsewhere, He’ll let you know.

Also, don’t think marriage is “easier” than the priesthood. Both are difficult vocations, both are huge struggles.

And if chastity is the concern, there are plenty of times when chastity is required in marriage–after childbirth, for example, or if you need to postpone pregnancy–and it can be a greater struggle in marriage, when you’re living with a woman you love deeply, who is constantly giving off pheromones (particularly when she’s postpartum or fertile), than it is when you’re single.

Start saying the Divine Office, if you don’t already. Make a holy hour every day, and start attending daily Mass. If you’re called to the priesthood, it will be good practice.
If you’re called to marriage,again, God will let you know. And when the kids start coming, you’ll need to have the prayer time saved up 🙂
 
I think you should speak to your diocesan vocations director because if you are not called to the priesthood, it will become clear real fast.

Marriage and children are wonderful of course.
 
By the very nature of your question and the content of your question being filled with ideas about marriage, I am led to believe you just may have answered your own question. If this is not so, have you then posted in the vocations sections as well? Just a thought.

We’ve been married for 20 years and it’s had the best and worst moments of my life. But the trials and the triumphs will be there in either vocation, it simply depends on which you choose - but God seems to bring along the desires of your heart - that’s probably where you’ll be looking!

Blessings as you discover your pathway!
Lilly:heart:
 
ironman62292 said:
I have a question for all of you married people. How is it being married? …
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I’d disagree with the poster who said that pursuing marriage is an easy task. marriages go on after the honeymoon ends, a successful marriage takes a skill set you have to learn as you go, and the will come when you really understand what the vows demand. there will be blissful days and times when you must continue to love your wife even though you don’t really like her at the moment.

I’d definitely take your time in deciding.
 
Dear Ironman - Well, you are begining to make your oblation. That this good. It may even get painful. Pray.

Peace,

Gail
 
Perhaps I’m extraordinarily cranky tonight, most especially because it’s after yet another one of those nitpit nag sessions, but it’s very difficult to concern yourself with only the things of God (as St. Paul advises) when you’re married. And trust me, it’s far easier to live with God than with another human being 🙂 In many ways, I think the priesthood is the easier and more natural calling.

Glad

And for the record, I can’t even remember a “blissful” time in marriage (with the exception of having children), although I remember many in a church all by myself.
 
I married at age 35; never thought I’d get married. I think you’ve got some excellent advice here: if you have even a modest feel that you may have a vocation, heck, spend a weekend and check out that avenue. Don’t spend the rest of your life regretting never having done that very special kind of exploration.

Being married, like being single, has its ups and downs. You don’t have as much time to yourself to think or get your thoughts together, or to do individual time-consuming hobbies. I feel that two people in getting married create a kind of third entity there, a kind of corporate unity. Some things may irritate you (she leaves lights on!) and they can seem petty when you explain them to people.

It is good having another head around to run ideas through, for example, what does Mr. X mean when he says ABC? what would be a good gift for my brother? etc.

Having children is a growth experience for parents. You have to essentially manage another person and guide that person’s development and growth. . . so you have to get a firm grip on your good judgment and get used to quickly assessing what makes sense in a given situation. It is an emotionally deepening experience; there is a deep and unchangeable truth about a mother’s love. And you can really understand why people say they would give their lives if they had to, in order to save their children.

At your age, you’re considering both. It’s easy enough to do. But sign up for that vocations weekend. Either way, you’ll learn something valuable.🙂
 
If you think you might be called to the priesthood you should check that out before you get married. Go spend a year as a novice with some religious order and see. You can’t find out over a weekend.
 
I just want to say thanks to everyone. This advice is extremely valuable. More valuable than gold. Heck it’s more valuable than gas:D Thanks to everyone. I will accept anymore comments or advice. Please, more is better.
 
GladCatholic said:
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And for the record, I can’t even remember a “blissful” time in marriage (with the exception of having children), although I remember many in a church all by myself.
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I’m sorry to hear that. my wife and I have many of those blissful days, more than the trying ones. after years of marriage, I still introduce her as my bride.

OP: find a married mentor who can explain what it means to love your wife, not in the sense of feelings of affection which might not always be there, but in the way that St. Paul means when he commands us to love our wives. the word as used here is rich in meaning. its not even necessary to fully understand “why” this is so, at first.
 
I love being married, but I don’t know about kids (one is on the way)

I do know several people who said they wished they never had kids. Including my aunt. And my sister also. Not promising, I hope it’s not a red flag! But everyone is different.

I think my coworker is the only one I know of that is happy she had a child. Sad though, but it’s a fact of life. What one thing is right for some, will be wrong for others.
 
Wirraway,

“marriages go on after the honeymoon ends, a successful marriage takes a skill set you have to learn as you go,”
I don’t think you disagree with me 🙂
I said, pursuing marriage is easy. As in, it’s fairly easy to say, “I think I’m called to marriage.” It’s fairly easy to say, “Let’s get married.”

The misconception people have, I think, is that they should “rule out” marriage as a vocation before the priesthood and religious life. And I think that many vocations directors and novice mistresses make this mistake in advising applicants.

The other misconception is that it will be “easier” to be married than to be a priest, that somehow the challenge of celibacy outweighs the many hardships and challenges of married life.

This, BTW, is one of the many reasons contraception is at the root of our vocations crisis: Contraceptive marriage looks a lot better than the priesthood.

In my own life, I can look back and see that God definitely intended me for marriage. Part of me still wishes I could’ve been a priest. But I know I was not cut out for it. There was a certain level of understanding I did not reach in my faith, and a familiarity with certain priest saints, that I did not achieve until I had already gotten married. If I had had that knowledge before, I might have pursued the seminary. But I know God was keeping it from me on purpose.
 
GodsGadfly said:
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In my own life, I can look back and see that God definitely intended me for marriage. Part of me still wishes I could’ve been a priest. But I know I was not cut out for it. …
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ok, I understand you.

both callings are tough in their own unique way. I never considered the priesthood, but marriage was a long time in coming.

maybe the OP is best served by patience and deferred decisions.
 
ironman62292 said:
How is it being married?
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I’ve been married and I’ve been single and I can’t say that one is better than the other. There are just different blessings and challenges associated with each vocation.
ironman62292 said:
How is it having children?
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For me it is a joy beyond description.

I agree with the other poster who suggested a retreat for vocations and also seek guidance from a priest you respect. Your own prayers and seeking out information on the subject is a great start, but if you feel any draw to the priesthood I think you should try to learn and pursue it as much as you can.
 
My advice would be to actively discern your calling to priesthood first. Get in touch with your diocesan vocations office and see what they can do for you. As many others have said, once you get into the process of discernment for real, as in, being in seminary, God will make it clear to you if this is the path He has called you to. If so, praise be to God–you will make a wonderful priest! If not, praise be to God–you will make a wonderful husband and father! 😃

As to your questions, being married is both wonderful and terribly frustrating. You will have good times and bad. The key is to realize it IS your vocation, and to work through the bad times! As for children, they are THE biggest blessing I can imagine…aside from giving yourself totally to God. So either way, as long as you devote yourself completely to the vocation God has intended for you, you are bound to receive wonderful blessings and great joy from your life. God bless you in your discernment process. :crossrc:
 
Magic, look at kids as an adventure. The parents nurture, care for, set an example for, guide, and see the kids into adulthood where they are set to do the same. I sometimes think the parents grow more then the kids… yes, it’s a two sided coin. Also remember, you will have the help of the Master Parent (God) to accomplish it, after all, they are God’s Child, on loan to you for the task at hand. All this, just as you were and still are.

After being married a few decades, I look at my wife as God’s blessing to me. Along with the kids and now the grandkids. Who was it that said “be fruitful and multiply…” It is one of the most blessed challenges I know of. Looking back, it’s all good… maybe not blissful all the time, but good. With God’s continued help, it will continue to be.

And to think, I was almost a Franciscan Brother.

You see, I still go by St. Francis when he said, “Lord, make me an instrument…”
 
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