Advice from older Men/women?

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Mauroba

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As it’s my first time here, sorry If i chose the wrong section.

But i need advice from older and experienced people. Im 20 years old, i work full time, live with my parents but have the condition to move to live alone If i want so.

I wanna marry sometime, move out from my parents house and raise my own family. The problem i always face and im facing right now again is: I cant seem to sucesfully start a relationship in a chaste/Christian way when i meet someone that we both like each other. I always face the same “paradox”, if i flirt with her It will probably lead us into a sexualized conversation that leads us to sin, in the other hand, If i dont flirt, they slowly loose interest in me.

I dont want to flirt and “have fun” with someone, before i converted myself to Jesus Christ i had this kind of dates and it’s terrible.

Am i doing something wrong or is it just how modern society people umderstand as dating?
 
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I’m not old but I never thought that flirting had to be sexual. You can flirt in other ways, can’t you?
 
Mauroba said:
dont want to flirt and “have fun” with someone, before i converted myself to Jesus Christ i had this kind of dates and it’s terrible.

Am i doing something wrong or is it just how modern society people umderstand as dating?
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You’re not going to be able to 100% guarantee you won’t mess up. Dating means interacting with members of the opposite sex you’re attracted to. Obviously, the temptation will always be there.

All you can do is do the best you can, and if you slip up and take things in an r-rated direction, confess it and try not to do it again.
 
If you consider showing affection, caring and interest in the person flirting, then yes you can. But i didnt considered it as flirting when i wrote the text.
 
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I met this girl from a church group some time ago, i really like her, and she likes me too. We joke around, we talk about faith, we have fun together. But it’s happening just like the last time i liked a girl: I told her i wanna be chaste and it seems she’s slowly loosing interest in me.

Maybe im doing something wrong, i have no idea.
I guess i will just go celibate and become a priest, cause for me the matrimony life vocation will never work lol
 
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OP, was there a “situation” happening when you told her you wanted to be chaste or did you tell her this in conversation?
 
Try CatholicMatch.com

And/or catholicsingles.com

But what’s good about CatholicMatch.com is that you can filter it down to Catholic women who believe in & follow all the Church’s teachings.

Catholic Match asks a number of questions about their views on the Pope, sex, priesthood, etc so you can know if they dissent in particular areas.

So if you were to use one, I would recommend trying CatholicMatch

But you can always use both of them.

Another good place to meet someone you age is at the annual SEEK conference in January. Here’s info about SEEK 2019 (which already happened). https://seek2019.com

Another good thing might be the Steubenville Conferences in the summer. While they have youth conferences, they also have adult ones might have a young adult conference you can attend.
https://steubenvillefuel.com/young-adult/

God Bless
 
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Ok, well, some people find that an odd thing to talk about early on in a relationship. That may be why things cool quickly.
 
Mauroba said:
I guess i will just go celibate and become a priest, cause for me the matrimony life vocation will never work lol
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I as a young guy also have this same thought, only a sadder version of it. Following many years of being single and a consistent love of the mass, I will interpret it as a call to the single life.

One thing I will note, everybody has a complaint of the current dating landscape of today, look to the gossip magazines or to the theologians.
 
@phil19034
Going to a Catholic Conference to find love, ERROR: I took this WAY TO FAR, SORRY
phil19034 said:
Another good place to meet someone you age is at the annual SEEK conference in January. Here’s info about SEEK 2019 (which already happened). https://seek2019.com

Another good thing might be the Steubenville Conferences in the summer. While they have youth conferences, they also have adult ones might have a young adult conference you can attend.
Click to expand...

Challenges to figure out:​

  1. These conferences bring people from a large area. Should you meet someone not from your area, then what?
  2. Trying to find the single people through a crowd of females you don’t know gets hard.
  3. Some people will be tuned into the conference, not the dating potential. Thus results are hindered.
  4. Meeting someone at these conferences, make sure to get contact information as the conference can be so big you won’t see them again.
  5. Trying to find a life partner through brief conversations at a 3 or 5 day conference is hard.
  6. Conferences that occur once a year are not helpful as when a relationship fails, you go about another 365 - n days alone.
  7. Conference high, where everyone is happy and thinking about Jesus and not their lives, when everyone listens to emotionally powerful speakers, etc all work together that people are acting and thinking in ways they would not on the typical day. You will be evaluating people when they do not act as they normally do.
I do bring up pessimism that is logical. Some of it may be refuted. I do not know the ways to date and it is better to follow some advice, then listen to the devils advocate. I say this as a single person of around the age.
 
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HumbleIOughtToBe said:
@phil19034
Going to a Catholic Conference to find love
40.png
phil19034:
Another good place to meet someone you age is at the annual SEEK conference in January. Here’s info about SEEK 2019 (which already happened). https://seek2019.com

Another good thing might be the Steubenville Conferences in the summer. While they have youth conferences, they also have adult ones might have a young adult conference you can attend.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Challenges to figure out:​

  1. These conferences bring people from a large area. Should you meet someone not from your area, then what?
  2. Trying to find the single people through a crowd of females you don’t know gets hard.
  3. Some people will be tuned into the conference, not the dating potential. Thus results are hindered.
  4. Meeting someone at these conferences, make sure to get contact information as the conference can be so big you won’t see them again.
  5. Trying to find a life partner through brief conversations at a 3 or 5 day conference is hard.
  6. Conferences that occur once a year are not helpful as when a relationship fails, you go about another 365 - n days alone.
  7. Conference high, where everyone is happy and thinking about Jesus and not their lives, when everyone listens to emotionally powerful speakers, etc all work together that people are acting and thinking in ways they would not on the typical day. You will be evaluating people when they do not act as they normally do.
I do bring up pessimism that is logical. Some of it may be refuted. I do not know the ways to date and it is better to follow some advice, then listen to the devils advocate. I say this as a single person of around the age.
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You are over analyzing my post.

You don’t go to a Catholic Conference to find love.

You go to grow in your faith and perhaps make contacts with people.

You NEVER know where a contact might lead. So one you meet from across the country might know a person relocating to your neck of the woods and suggest you meet.

Regardless my point, you attend these kinds of events and you make connections.

You never know what God had in store.

I read a story about one person who attended a conference. While at the conference he learned about a mission program. Went on mission and met his future spouse while on the mission.

It’s all about meeting people. Not being overly focused on finding love.

God Bless
 
Sorry, I over analyze the post. I review to hard. I was way to overly pessimistic. I took one part of a long post and took it to a strength you did not mean. You have many things including this. Sorry.
 
I agree with this.

When my husband and I first started dating back in our teen years, we talked about lots of things–school, religion, politics, family traditions, common interests (music, reading, etc.), things we wanted to become interested in (traveling, outdoor activities, etc.).

We also did a lot of eating out, walks, biking, bowling, movies, plays, concerts, etc. And we wrote a lot of plays together (one of which was selected for the State competition!), and we did school “stunts” together; e.g., dressing up in formal wear and playing dinner music on a tape recorder for one of our school lunches (I remember it was hot dogs, which we ate with a knife and fork!). To this day, people remember that stunt whenever we attend a reunion or meet up with old friends or teachers.

And we studied together and did school and work projects together (e.g., baling hay at my family’s farm, painting my dad’s rental properties, cleaning up the family’s yard, etc.).

And we visited with family–my husband would come to our family dinners, and I would go to his family dinners. So many good memories of times when our grandparents were still alive and healthy! (We have been married 40 years this June.)

So stop thinking about “sex.” DO STUFF together and talk about lots of subjects.

Hopefully, you have more interests than just gaming, streaming TV shows, and movies? I think that many young people seem incredibly boring nowadays, and it’s no wonder that they can’t think of anything to do but have sex. Be INTERESTING!
 
Mauroba said:
I met this girl from a church group some time ago, i really like her, and she likes me too. We joke around, we talk about faith, we have fun together. But it’s happening just like the last time i liked a girl: I told her i wanna be chaste and it seems she’s slowly loosing interest in me.

Maybe im doing something wrong, i have no idea.
I guess i will just go celibate and become a priest, cause for me the matrimony life vocation will never work lol
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One of two possibilities:
  1. Either she was a CINO who was not fully on board with Christian/Catholic morality; or
  2. She may have been fully on board with Christian/ Catholic morality, but uncomfortable, perhaps insulted, with you bringing up the topic itself - perhaps she thought “Why is he bringing this up?”
 
Just have friends and be friendly. Engage in Social life with other Catholics. No one age 20 at your parish? Well, guess what, people of other ages have family, friends who ARE age 20 and Catholic.
 
I was 29 when I was married. In retrospect, I should have taken more time. I dated and married someone from outside of the Church, and the difference in faiths played a large part in our marital woes. Not to say that dating/marrying a non-Catholic is wrong, just that it will bring along its own challenges.

If someone doesn’t share such an important part of your beliefs, it seems like a pretty easy way to weed out incompatible partners. Take your time and enjoy the journey. You’ll be glad you waited for a compatible partner.
 
Thanks for everyone’s response. I read everything.

After some days and prayers, i started hearing the same old calls i used to hear, a call to monastic life.

I dont have the discerniment to fully understand If thats really whats God calling me for. But i came to the conclusion i will never find peace while living close to the world, like most tradicional catholics do.
Like someone adviced: “Be intresting!”
But i dont think i will ever be intresting, because nothing in this world really interests me besides His Word. So i dont have too much of fun stuff to talk and offer people.

I will try to go alone to a spiritual retreat in a Trappist Monastery near me, and hopefully they can help me discern. Till there i will just go on my normal life, working and praying. This girl I liked and was talking to, she got bored of me like every other person i met in life, and i understand her, i would get bored too.

Thanks again everyone.
 
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