Advice Needed Desperately for Marriage

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INCONSPICUOUS

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I need prayers desperately for my marriage. My wife is emotionally, and mentally unstable. She is also very physically ill. She has Graves Disease and is suffering from endless physical complaints.

My marriage is falling apart. She yells at me constantly. She accuses me of doing things that I did not do. If I plead my innocence, then she accuses me of lying. Even if I swear to the truth she still does not believe me. The only reality is hers.

Starting yesterday she has been giving me the silent treatment.
She will not say what is wrong, and only vaguely mentions what I did wrong. She says that I know what I did wrong. What she thinks happened, is not what happened.

I sent her an email apologizing, and she just sent me a nasty email back, stating that things will only get worse if I do not admit to the truth.

I am in desperate need of advice. Please help.
 
I just got off the phone with her. This is typical. She alluded to an incident that happened in church. I have no idea what she is talking about. She says that she will discuss it with me tonight.

Please pray for us, that all goes well. Also pray for her spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental health.

Thank you for your prayers and support.
 
I will pray for you. Have you heard of Retrouvaille? It is a program for troubled marriages. Click the link in my signature.
 
Dear friend you are indeed carrying many crosses at this time in your life and marriage - emotional, mental, and physical. We are so sorry for you and your wife at this difficult time.

Be strong in your faith and your love for her. Remember she is ill and console her mental state as best you can. Do not take these verbal abuses to heart as she may not be able to control them. Perhaps you could relay this information to her doctor and ask her doctor(s) to recommend some counseling if necessary and soon.

Surround yourself with friends and family who support you both and don’t go this trial alone. Seek help where you need it, and we pray that you will find the grace and compassion you need to get through it. We pray for your strength and courage. God Bless.
 
First, you may all ready know this, but the mood swings can be part of the Graves’, so your wife may not be able to control these behaviours…at least, not very well.

And secondly, I am praying for you, your wife, and your relationship right now.

God bless you…:gopray: :gopray: :gopray:
 
This thread was copied out of the Prayer Intentions forum to allow the advice to continue. Please see its companion thread in Prayer Intentions here.

May God Bless You Abundantly,
Catherine
 
I wll certainly pray for you and your family. Do get help and support for yourself with this. Her doctors need to know what is going on in this area as well as with the physical symptoms. The behavioral problems can be just as bad or worse.
 
Long story, but after many frustrations, I started seeing a counselor to help me deal w/ dh’s behaviour. It helps alot. Maybe you can do the same. --KCT
 
I too have Graves disease and it should be easily managed with meds. If it is not, she might think about the other treatment options such as getting it zapped with some radioactive iodine. Im not giving medical advice, but just sharing the fact that there are other options other than the pills. Sounds like there are issues unrelated to the Graves. BUt if you had to guess what she is talking about what would you guess???
 
KCT said:
Long story, but after many frustrations, I started seeing a counselor to help me deal w/ dh’s behaviour. It helps alot. Maybe you can do the same. --KCT
Click to expand...
I have quite exactly the same problem with my wife. We saw a counselor during two years. At one moment I thought the problem was quite over. Unfortunately it was only a momentary respite. Now, she has decided to divorce because of what I did. And if I ask “what did I do?” she answers “well, think and you’ll understand”. Her doctor says, as she reported me, that he thinks I might go to see a doctor because I’m mentally ill. Sometimes she calls me at my work 7 times a day to reproach me, for example, because the computer doesn’t work and she order me to come home to fix it. And she yells, yells nights and days, at me, at our two children, at her sister when she calls her, etc… and when I try to speak to her, she tells me that I yell or that what I say hasn’t any importance, or that she was speaking and I interrupt her, etc…
I live a real hell.
About the divorce, she wanted to keep our present home to avoid disturbing the kids, but she wants also that we rent two apartments for us and we share the care of the children, each one being with them 2 weeks a month. She wants also that I give her an amount greater than what remains each month after we have paid all or creditors. Where shall I find all this money? At the beginning of the month she wanted a big amount to pay some things she wanted (a registration for a painting lesson for next year, her lawyer, etc… and an amount for herself). The next week she wanted quite the same amount again, the third week she wanted an amount still greater for the same thing. I didn’t give her because our account reached the bottom. Then she wanted me to borrow some money from a colleague.
Two days ago some bruises appeared on her body that appeared from God knows where. Then she accused me and our children of violence and threatened us to complain at the police.
Many times when I didn’t agree with her, she called the police, saying that I beat her.
Last week, during the night, she took the children’s rabbit and put it in a plastic bag with a knot. Fortunately, the children understood on time and we saved the poor animal. She did that twice. Finally the rabbit disappeared and she says it’s safe… Can we trust her?
I should write pages and pages about what she does.
I see I’m in a deadlock. I can’t have any help from any psychiatrist, friend, counselor… Only the lawyer can do something, but it also means that I’m going to find myself alone, divorced, and bring up alone our two kids (15 and 17). The couple life is over for me, I’ll have to continue my life alone for years and years, hoping only not to be attracted by another woman and not betray the sweet woman I promised to love for all my life, it was 23 years ago…
When I see a couple walking hand in hand in the street, my heart bleeds…
 
I’d start documenting behavior. Are your kids really safe with her?

I don’t understand why you can’t see a therapist for help dealing with all of this. —KCT
 
KCT said:
I’d start documenting behavior. Are your kids really safe with her?

I don’t understand why you can’t see a therapist for help dealing with all of this. —KCT
Click to expand...
There are many problems between her and the kids. For example, she compels them to tidy up their bedrooms when they are asleep (at 11 PM). Fortunately they are big now (15 and 17 years old), and strong enough to defend themselves.
I can see a therapist alone, but it won’t help because she doesn’t want to come. According to her, there is no reason for her to see a therapist because she considers I have a problem, not her. She also is against medicines, she is afraid of becoming dependant.
 
Cathedron said:
I have quite exactly the same problem with my wife. We saw a counselor during two years. At one moment I thought the problem was quite over. Unfortunately it was only a momentary respite. Now, she has decided to divorce because of what I did. And if I ask “what did I do?” she answers “well, think and you’ll understand”. Her doctor says, as she reported me, that he thinks I might go to see a doctor because I’m mentally ill. Sometimes she calls me at my work 7 times a day to reproach me, for example, because the computer doesn’t work and she order me to come home to fix it. And she yells, yells nights and days, at me, at our two children, at her sister when she calls her, etc… and when I try to speak to her, she tells me that I yell or that what I say hasn’t any importance, or that she was speaking and I interrupt her, etc…
I live a real hell.
About the divorce, she wanted to keep our present home to avoid disturbing the kids, but she wants also that we rent two apartments for us and we share the care of the children, each one being with them 2 weeks a month. She wants also that I give her an amount greater than what remains each month after we have paid all or creditors. Where shall I find all this money? At the beginning of the month she wanted a big amount to pay some things she wanted (a registration for a painting lesson for next year, her lawyer, etc… and an amount for herself). The next week she wanted quite the same amount again, the third week she wanted an amount still greater for the same thing. I didn’t give her because our account reached the bottom. Then she wanted me to borrow some money from a colleague.
Two days ago some bruises appeared on her body that appeared from God knows where. Then she accused me and our children of violence and threatened us to complain at the police.
Many times when I didn’t agree with her, she called the police, saying that I beat her.
Last week, during the night, she took the children’s rabbit and put it in a plastic bag with a knot. Fortunately, the children understood on time and we saved the poor animal. She did that twice. Finally the rabbit disappeared and she says it’s safe… Can we trust her?
I should write pages and pages about what she does.
I see I’m in a deadlock. I can’t have any help from any psychiatrist, friend, counselor… Only the lawyer can do something, but it also means that I’m going to find myself alone, divorced, and bring up alone our two kids (15 and 17). The couple life is over for me, I’ll have to continue my life alone for years and years, hoping only not to be attracted by another woman and not betray the sweet woman I promised to love for all my life, it was 23 years ago…
When I see a couple walking hand in hand in the street, my heart bleeds…
Click to expand...
You need to get a lawyer ASAP and tell them what you just told us. You need to do this to protect your kids.
 
Cathedron said:
There are many problems between her and the kids. For example, she compels them to tidy up their bedrooms when they are asleep (at 11 PM). Fortunately they are big now (15 and 17 years old), and strong enough to defend themselves.
I can see a therapist alone, but it won’t help because she doesn’t want to come. According to her, there is no reason for her to see a therapist because she considers I have a problem, not her. She also is against medicines, she is afraid of becoming dependant.
Click to expand...
Maybe you and your two children should look into therapy, even if your wife is against it. They are witnessing and subjected to her mental illness and need to forgive the past and present so that in their future they can live healthy adult lives.
 
Cathedron said:
I can see a therapist alone, but it won’t help because she doesn’t want to come. According to her, there is no reason for her to see a therapist because she considers I have a problem, not her.
Click to expand...
The reason to go alone is for your sanity and emotional health. Having a trained mental health professional to discuss these frustrations with might be helpful. —KCT
 
gmarie21 said:
Maybe you and your two children should look into therapy, even if your wife is against it. They are witnessing and subjected to her mental illness and need to forgive the past and present so that in their future they can live healthy adult lives.
Click to expand...
KCT said:
The reason to go alone is for your sanity and emotional health. Having a trained mental health professional to discuss these frustrations with might be helpful. —KCT
Click to expand...
I just spoke with the children; they agree and also think it would be good for them to see a therapist. I’ll take an appointment tomorrow for us three. It would certainly help us; the tension home is really high and it reached the limits of the bearable.

Thank you SO much for your help and valuable advices.
 
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