Advice needed-issue with younger brother

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Hi I don’t post much, usually just lurk but I have seen some great advice given here and I need some for myself.

Today I asked my brother (hes 13 and Im 16) if I could use his iPod touch because the battery on mine had died. I listened to some music and then went to the youtube app to watch a couple videos. After that I checked the history (yeah i know i maybe shouldn’t of done that, not being my business but i did anyways) and among the harmlessly funny videos that we both like to watch and share with each other i found out that he had watched a couple of sports illustrated swimsuit videos. Now for some background on myself, i was first introduced to this at age 12 at a friends birthday party, his dad had a copy of the issue. This made me addicted to it and similar images (thank God I never got involved into real porn) and it made a masturbation problem that i had since i was very little much worse. I now don’t EVER masturbate now (not for a year or so) and I sometimes relapse into impure images but I am getting better at it and I am much better at resisting temptation. I also installed a filter on my laptop which helps tremendously. Now I see my brother starting to get into it and I want to stop him but I don’t know what to do. I have thought about telling my parents but then I would have to reveal my past addictions and I don’t want my parents to look at me differently or loose their trust. I also thought about going into my brothers ipod and putting parental controls on it and a filter on the family computer but if I were to do this should I tell him why I am doing it? I just don’t want him to go down the same road I did and I worry that he may have found out about me at some point and it is my fault that he is doing this:(. Can you help me?
 
If you are inclined to tell him your story, you might want to speak to your brother privately about what you saw on his iPod, in order to warn him of the dangers he is facing. You know him better than I, though, so if you can predict that you will only be giving him another avenue by which to heap brotherly ridicule on him, you don’t have to do that.

Having said that, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, while a source of impurity, is not pornography. Do you parents allow him to look at stuff like that? If not, tell him it is against the rules and to lay off. If they do, you might just tell him that this isn’t a way to maintain his purity and his respect for women.

Do you have to say something to him about your own experience? No, you do not. Should you feel guilty for not giving him this opportunity to come to repentance? No, you should not. Why do I say this? Remember the story of Lazarus and the rich man, when the rich man begged Abraham to arrange for his brothers to be warned. What answer did he get?

He said, ‘Then I beg you, father, send him (Lazarus) to my father’s house, for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they too come to this place of torment.’ Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.’ He said, ‘Oh no, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ Then Abraham said, ‘If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.’" (*from *Luke 16:19-31)

It is OK to offer your mistakes and the consequences as a warning, if you think those will turn another from sin, but you are not bound to do so. Your duty is to admonish others, teach them what the law of God says, and maintain humility about yourself. Even when you are admonishing others, you do not have to confess the exact nature of your sins to anyone, save when you are under the seal of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is only required that you be humble about your own propensity to sin, and do not act as if you are above temptation, whether you have any big falls in your past or none.

I hope that helps.
 
EasterJoy said:
If you are inclined to tell him your story, you might want to speak to your brother privately about what you saw on his iPod, in order to warn him of the dangers he is facing. You know him better than I, though, so if you can predict that you will only be giving him another avenue by which to heap brotherly ridicule on him, you don’t have to do that.

Having said that, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, while a source of impurity, is not pornography. Do you parents allow him to look at stuff like that? If not, tell him it is against the rules and to lay off. If they do, you might just tell him that this isn’t a way to maintain his purity and his respect for women.

Do you have to say something to him about your own experience? No, you do not. Should you feel guilty for not giving him this opportunity to come to repentance? No, you should not. Why do I say this? Remember the story of Lazarus and the rich man, when the rich man begged Abraham to arrange for his brothers to be warned. What answer did he get?

He said, ‘Then I beg you, father, send him (Lazarus) to my father’s house, for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they too come to this place of torment.’ Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.’ He said, ‘Oh no, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ Then Abraham said, ‘If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.’" (*from *Luke 16:19-31)

It is OK to offer your mistakes and the consequences as a warning, if you think those will turn another from sin, but you are not bound to do so. Your duty is to admonish others, teach them what the law of God says, and maintain humility about yourself. Even when you are admonishing others, you do not have to confess the exact nature of your sins to anyone, save when you are under the seal of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is only required that you be humble about your own propensity to sin, and do not act as if you are above temptation, whether you have any big falls in your past or none.

I hope that helps.
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Thanks. For the record, my parents do not allow that kind of material, we are traditional catholic homeschoolers. My biggest concern is not that he is looking at these images (although it is a problem) but that it will lead to a masturbation and/or porn addiction.
 
Tampa_Rays said:
Thanks. For the record, my parents do not allow that kind of material, we are traditional catholic homeschoolers. My biggest concern is not that he is looking at these images (although it is a problem) but that it will lead to a masturbation and/or porn addiction.
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Yours is a legitimate concern, although masturbation and porn usage are hardly unknown among young males without access to Sports Illustrated as a gateway. This was something that fallen humankind was heir to well before the invention of bikinis.

You can tell him that you know what he’s been looking at and that this is not only forbidden by your parents but that sticking his toe in that lake is a poor way to stay faithful to God. If he wants to know what you were doing snooping on his iPod, you can apologize, but also point out to him that you had no idea that his browsing history would hold anything he’d be ashamed of…you weren’t reading his e-mail. Rather, suggest that it would be better if the two of you were open to each other and accountable to each other…because let’s face it, it wouldn’t hurt you to know your little brother was looking for signs that you weren’t on the wagon of purity yourself, because it is hardly as if this kind of thing doesn’t tempt you, too.

Mostly, balance your recognition that this could be a serious issue with the recognition that it is an extremely common problem for young men your age, particularly those with internet access. His curiosity (and yours) are as common as sibling rivalry. Not a good thing in either case, but not something that is at all unusual. You’re not terrible people, you are just two brothers living in a world that has its temptations.

*Again I found this vanity under the sun:
a solitary man with no companion; with neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his toil, and riches do not satisfy his greed. “For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good things?” This also is vanity and a worthless task.

Two are better than one: they get a good wage for their labor.
If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up.
So also, if two sleep together, they keep each other warm. How can one alone keep warm?
Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken. *Eccl. 4:7-12

You, your brother, and God. That is a 3-ply cord that can stand you two in good stead for a lifetime. You don’t have to confess your sins to each other, but be on his side, and let him be on yours.
 
I would say privately talk to your brother - about this once. Chances are you may embarrass him - and yes that’s o.k. - but after that, you need to leave it be. In all honesty, you SHOULDN’T have gone through your brother’s history on there - you may never get to use any of his stuff again -it really wasn’t your place. That being said, you know what you THINK you know now. He may or may not be masturbating and having had siblings I can guess that his response will be “what were you doing going through my history and this is NONE of your business…” If you speak to him about this, do it once - do not NAG him - or you will loose even more standing (and respect) than you will loose when he finds out that you went through his history WITHOUT his permission. Just as you dealt with this on your own (and think how embarrassed YOU would have been if someone had come to you to speak about this) - you’re not even sure he’s doing anything but looking. I would tread very lightly here or you very well may loose your brother’s respect and trust. But please don’t ever think this is your “fault” - I don’t know of any young men who don’t go through something like this.
God Bless
Rye
 
Heres an update:

I decided to let it slide and I didn’t say anything. Because Im off for spring break i set my filter to monitor only because it blocks everything except school stuff. I then checked it today and noticed that my brother was looking at more of this type of stuff on MY computer on MY user account :mad::mad:

I then sent him an email saying if he did it again I would not let him use my laptop ever again and I would tell our parents. I don’t know if he got it yet but that probably will scare him for a while and atleast keep the **** off my computer.
 
I think you are seeing a problem develop. I hope you are more concerned that your brother is starting to seek out images from the internet than you are that he is doing it on your laptop…

I would get him alone, take a walk, take a drive, whatever, and just tell him that you are concerned about it. Don’t just leave it at sending the email without talking to him in person. That is…assuming that you two are close enough that you can talk to him without him freaking out, getting all defensive, etc. Do it like you would a friend that you are concerned about.

It’s not going to be a comfortable talk. It would be best if you can be open with him about your own struggles. You don’t have to tell him details, just that you know what the temptation is all about and why it’s important to keep control of his urges and fight temptation.

He’s probably going to be really embarrassed, which might make him respond with anger, defensiveness, etc. Just stay calm and don’t react back, and keep stressing that you are only talking to him because you love him and you want him to be the best man he can be, which does NOT include porn. Tell him that you know he’s better than that. Tell him that you have fought the battle and are winning, but try not to be too high up on a pillar so he doesn’t think you are more than human. Tell him honestly about the struggle and if you’ve had any slips, share those in a non-detailed way.

If you really don’t feel up to this, then your dad must step in. It’s not something you can ignore, as you know. If not dealt with, it just gets worse.
 
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