Advice needed on Catholic getting married outside of the Church

[gez722]

I need some advice… My cousin’s daughter is Catholic, but is getting married to a non-Catholic in an Assembly Of God church. They decided to not have a priest at the wedding and they may consider having the marriage convalidated in the future. My wife and I have been invited to the wedding and we have decided that we are not going to attend, because it is not considered a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church. I’ve been down this road before and I’ve taken the easy way out (just go along with things so that I don’t cause friction), but this time I want do what’s right. This would be an excellent opportunity to evangelize and explain about the sacramental nature of marriage.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to do this in a delicate manner? The bride and her parents are Catholic and they attend Mass, but they are not very advanced in their beliefs. I’m nervous that this could get a little tense.

Any advice would be appreciated.

God Bless,
Gary

 

[porchwork]

Hello Gary,

I have been in your shoes before. I did not go to the weddings of two neices and also of my sister who decided for various reasons to get married outside the church.

I just explained to them that I couldn’t go because I believe that Catholics should be married in the church. By not being married in the Church they are giving up access to the Eucharist which is so important to us. I could not celebrate their wedding when it went against what I believe as a Catholic. I also told them that I have children, young adults, who I am trying to set a good example for. I had told my children that if they chose to be married outside the church then I would not be at their wedding. I had to uphold that same reasoning with others too or I would not be able to teach my children what is right. There were no hard feeling from any of them. We are still close and I love them dearly. But I also love our church and need to uphold the teachings.

Hope that helps.

bb

 

[gez722]

porchwork:

Hello Gary,

I have been in your shoes before. I did not go to the weddings of two neices and also of my sister who decided for various reasons to get married outside the church.

I just explained to them that I couldn’t go because I believe that Catholics should be married in the church. By not being married in the Church they are giving up access to the Eucharist which is so important to us. I could not celebrate their wedding when it went against what I believe as a Catholic. I also told them that I have children, young adults, who I am trying to set a good example for. I had told my children that if they chose to be married outside the church then I would not be at their wedding. I had to uphold that same reasoning with others too or I would not be able to teach my children what is right. There were no hard feeling from any of them. We are still close and I love them dearly. But I also love our church and need to uphold the teachings.

Hope that helps.

bb

Dear Porchwork,

That is a beautiful way to put it… thanks for sharing it with me! I’ll pray that I’m able to express myself in such a kind way.

God Bless,
Gary

 

[Ham1]

Are you certain that they have not received a dispensation from the Church to be married in a non-catholic church witnessed by a non-catholic minister. The local ordinary can grant this permission under certain conditions and a priest is not required to be present for the marriage to be valid.

You might want to tactfully ask them if they have “cleared” this through their priest and recommend that they do so. If they get the proper dispensations now, they won’t need to convalidate the marriage later.

God bless.

 

[gez722]

Ham1:

Are you certain that they have not received a dispensation from the Church to be married in a non-catholic church witnessed by a non-catholic minister. The local ordinary can grant this permission under certain conditions and a priest is not required to be present for the marriage to be valid.

You might want to tactfully ask them if they have “cleared” this through their priest and recommend that they do so. If they get the proper dispensations now, they won’t need to convalidate the marriage later.

God bless.

That’s a very good point. I will be seeing them this weekend and I’ll try to find out more. I did plan on making sure that I had my facts straight first before saying anything. Also, I must admit that I was unaware that a dispensation could be given. I thought that the presence of a priest was required. Thanks for your help!

God Bless,
Gary

 

[Ham1]

gez722:

That’s a very good point. I will be seeing them this weekend and I’ll try to find out more. I did plan on making sure that I had my facts straight first before saying anything. Also, I must admit that I was unaware that a dispensation could be given. I thought that the presence of a priest was required. Thanks for your help!

God Bless,
Gary

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=27708

Here is a link to the conditions that must be met for a dispensation under canon law. I hope that all goes well.

God Bless.

 

[On_my_way]

The Catholic Church will not see it as a Valid marriage. A couple of my friends are Catholic but was married at another church and when we have re-treats they have to be seperated becasue they were not married in a Catholic Church. They are in the process of having it validated.

 

[gez722]

On my way:

The Catholic Church will not see it as a Valid marriage. A couple of my friends are Catholic but was married at another church and when we have re-treats they have to be seperated becasue they were not married in a Catholic Church. They are in the process of having it validated.

Now I’m really confused!

 

[On_my_way]

gez722:

Now I’m really confused!

If a Catholic couple was married via a judge (civil) and not a Catholic Priest, the Catholic Church, not the state or city the Catholic Church is in, sees it as an invalid marrige. In-valid meaning not witnessed under the eyes of God. You can get married outside (physically not spiritually)of the Catholic Church but it has to be done by a Catholic Priest. For everything to be Catholic it has to be done Catholic.

 

[Ham1]

gez722:

Now I’m really confused!

Don’t be confused. The information he is posting is incorrect. Canon law provides conditions under which a Bishop can dispense with the prohibition on mixed marriage as well as a dispensation from the standard form of marriage. If a Catholic marries without the appropriate dispensations then the marriage is invalid.

 

[Ham1]

On my way:

If a Catholic couple was married via a judge (civil) and not a Catholic Priest, the Catholic Church, not the state or city the Catholic Church is in, sees it as an invalid marrige. In-valid meaning not witnessed under the eyes of God. You can get married outside (physically not spiritually)of the Catholic Church but it has to be done by a Catholic Priest. For everything to be Catholic it has to be done Catholic.

Some of this is incorrect. I suggest you look up the corresponding canon’s before dispensing advice.

 

[gez722]

Ham1:

Don’t be confused. The information he is posting is incorrect. Canon law provides conditions under which a Bishop can dispense with the prohibition on mixed marriage as well as a dispensation from the standard form of marriage. If a Catholic marries without the appropriate dispensations then the marriage is invalid.

Ham,

Thanks for clearing things up. I’ll be seeing the couple tomorrow and I’ll try to find out some more info before I say anything else.

Thanks Again,
Gary

 

[On_my_way]

Ham1:

Some of this is incorrect. I suggest you look up the corresponding canon’s before dispensing advice.

My wife just got a decree in from the Catholic Tribunal stating that since her first marriage to her ex-husband who was a Catholic and she was not at the time, was married without any Ordained Catholic Priest, no Catholic Church witnesses and not in a Catholic Church, The Tribunal found that the marriage is invalid and she was granted annulment. They also stated that since he was a Catholic he should have known that. They also stated that due to lack of Canonical Form the marriage is invalid.
With that being said, It pretty much makes my advice valid.

The Church, if you file the right paper work, can grant you to be married outside of the Catholic Church, but only with the Tribunals approval, can a Catholic be married outside of the Catholic Church and it be valid. That is not my opinion it was told to us by one of the Deacons at our Church.

 

[On_my_way]

Ham1:

Some of this is incorrect. I suggest you look up the corresponding canon’s before dispensing advice.

I guess thats the end of it!!!

 

[Ham1]

On my way:

My wife just got a decree in from the Catholic Tribunal stating that since her first marriage to her ex-husband who was a Catholic and she was not at the time, was married without any Ordained Catholic Priest, no Catholic Church witnesses and not in a Catholic Church, The Tribunal found that the marriage is invalid and she was granted annulment. They also stated that since he was a Catholic he should have known that. They also stated that due to lack of Canonical Form the marriage is invalid.
With that being said, It pretty much makes my advice valid.

The Church, if you file the right paper work, can grant you to be married outside of the Catholic Church, but only with the Tribunals approval, can a Catholic be married outside of the Catholic Church and it be valid. That is not my opinion it was told to us by one of the Deacons at our Church.

Just got back from vacation…

Actually, it sounds as though your wife’s first marriage was invalid because her Catholic ex-husband failed to secure appropriate permission to be married to a non-catholic and it sounds like he did not receive a dispensation of form either which again would make the marriage invalid.

Some of your advice was correct. Some was not. You stated: “You can get married outside (physically not spiritually)of the Catholic Church but it has to be done by a Catholic Priest. For everything to be Catholic it has to be done Catholic.” Yet Canon Law states: “1127.2 If there are grave difficulties in the way of observing the canonical form, the local Ordinary of the catholic party has the right to dispense from it in individual cases, having however consulted the Ordinary of the place of the celebration of the marriage; for validity, however, some public form of celebration is required.”

Also just to be clear, dispensations to marry a non-catholic as well as dispensations of canonical form are reserved to the Ordinary and while I suppose the Bishop may delegate this decision making to a tribunal, I am not certain that is the case in every diocese.

In an earlier post you stated that “the Catholic Church will not see it (as described by the original post) as a Valid marriage.” This is simply untrue because we simply don’t know whether this couple has secured the appropriate permissions in order to marry outside the Church. For this reason, I stated that some of your information was incorrect.

God bless.