Advice needed re: how much is too much

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Long story short-er: My family (husband and 3 kids and I) basically stopped going to Mass for a period of time of about 3 years. We had our kids in Weds religious Ed, though (I know, I know…). We also hadn’t had our almost 8 year old baptized and we needed to do that before his sacraments in 2nd grade. So we met with the priest about his baptism and naturally got quite the lecture. He was not nice about it–he was almost harsh. It affected me more than my husband. I was really angry (I am a convert from Methodism). The same night we had that “talking to” our un-baptized son made a statement that made us realize that quite possibly we needed to start going to Mass again. So we did. He received all his sacraments on time. I haven’t missed Mass since that time 1 1/2 years ago.

When I said this affected me it affected me BIG time. God found his way in my wounded heart and there HE will hopefully stay. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a good guy, great dad, etc. But he didn’t get the same thing out of those events. I have started lectoring, EMOHC’ing from time to time, became a catechist and am volunteering on a church committee. It is enough for him to just make a good effort at getting to Mass most of the time. I don’t lecture him-just encourage him.

BUT lately I feel like I am getting flak for MY involvement. He doesn’t like how the lector schedule ties me down to a certain Mass, even though I schedule that around our kids known events. Our youngest son now goes to our Parish school so that is why I am on the committee I am on. He is heavily involved in volunteer activities, too with our older boys.

Should I back off? All of this is not a huge time commitment and all stuff I really enjoy.

Thoughts?

 

[mamaslo]

have you had this conversation with him? He may not see the need to commit time and talent.

You see the value in it, and it keeps you coming. One of the reasons (and there is more than this one) I love the choir and added responsibilities is that it is built in accountability. You build relationships with other like-minded people.

You may have to make an adjustment…but keep this in mind

God First, Everyone else 2nd and you third.

Our whole walk is a journey in finding the balance sometimes we do too much of one thing and neglect another, then neglect the previous and do too much for the thing you were previously neglecting.

It may be helpful to talk to him, if that gets you no where, then maybe a counselor can help you put it in understandable words.

 

[1ke]

Maybe.

Maybe it is too much right now. Maybe you should reconsider how many volunteer activities you do. Maybe your husband and children need more of your time and attention right now.

These things ebb and flow. I volunteered a LOT when I was single. It tapered off when I was in grad school. Picked back up after. Tapered off after I got married. It has ramped back up now.

This is normal. Examine it together and make some joint decisions.

 

[catharina]

Maybe.

Maybe it is too much right now. Maybe you should reconsider how many volunteer activities you do. Maybe your husband and children need more of your time and attention right now.

These things ebb and flow. I volunteered a LOT when I was single. It tapered off when I was in grad school. Picked back up after. Tapered off after I got married. It has ramped back up now.

This is normal. Examine it together and make some joint decisions.

Yes.

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Maybe.

Maybe it is too much right now. Maybe you should reconsider how many volunteer activities you do. Maybe your husband and children need more of your time and attention right now.

These things ebb and flow. I volunteered a LOT when I was single. It tapered off when I was in grad school. Picked back up after. Tapered off after I got married. It has ramped back up now.

This is normal. Examine it together and make some joint decisions.

I guess I feel an imbalance. He coaches youth sports-alot. HE is an Asst. Scoutmaster for our boys troop-that means a meeting every Thursday night and one Monday per month and countless weekends. He does it for our boys, but it is something dear to him as well.

 

[mamaslo]

It just sounds like a conversation that needs to be had…maybe you two need to figure out why you feel he is against your volunteering…maybe he isn’t.

You did say you didn’t feel like you were on the same page with church involvment because you felt motivated to participate there and he is involved otherwise. (in good stuff too–boyscouting and baseball are good too and part of formation to become good men with the teamwork and survival skills etc.)

Maybe you two just have different strengths.

There are a lot of maybes, especially if you don’t talk to him.

 

[Mintaka]

My parents had a lot easier time when both their activities were on the same nights, than when they were on different nights. Obviously, they did want to see each other on nights when they weren’t busy!

Also, I remember that when my mom was singing in the choir to keep an eye on me, Dad wasn’t as enthusiastic about going to Mass. He was happier when Mom started letting me be in the choir by myself. He likes to sit with Mom.

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Talk. Got it. Knew it, but needed to hear it

 

[katy]

You enjoy lectoring, but it isn’t really something that only you can do. If it’s causing a problem, maybe shelving that one for a while would be a good way to prioritize. Just my 2 cents.

 

[jmcrae]

Long story short-er: My family (husband and 3 kids and I) basically stopped going to Mass for a period of time of about 3 years. We had our kids in Weds religious Ed, though (I know, I know…). We also hadn’t had our almost 8 year old baptized and we needed to do that before his sacraments in 2nd grade. So we met with the priest about his baptism and naturally got quite the lecture. He was not nice about it–he was almost harsh. It affected me more than my husband. I was really angry (I am a convert from Methodism). The same night we had that “talking to” our un-baptized son made a statement that made us realize that quite possibly we needed to start going to Mass again. So we did. He received all his sacraments on time. I haven’t missed Mass since that time 1 1/2 years ago.

When I said this affected me it affected me BIG time. God found his way in my wounded heart and there HE will hopefully stay. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a good guy, great dad, etc. But he didn’t get the same thing out of those events. I have started lectoring, EMOHC’ing from time to time, became a catechist and am volunteering on a church committee. It is enough for him to just make a good effort at getting to Mass most of the time. I don’t lecture him-just encourage him.

BUT lately I feel like I am getting flak for MY involvement. He doesn’t like how the lector schedule ties me down to a certain Mass, even though I schedule that around our kids known events. Our youngest son now goes to our Parish school so that is why I am on the committee I am on. He is heavily involved in volunteer activities, too with our older boys.

Should I back off? All of this is not a huge time commitment and all stuff I really enjoy.

Thoughts?

My advice to anyone would be, pick one thing that you are passionate about.

As a rule of thumb, if you are out of the house more than two nights a week and you’re not getting paid for it, drop the least important thing. Don’t worry - someone will pick up the slack - or if not, then it wasn’t all that important to anyone else, either - so in either case, don’t worry about it.

 

[cmscms]

This does not sound like a religious issue to me. If I understand, hubby gets to do a lot of volunteering yet resents the bit you do. I think that is unfair. His volunteering is boy scouts so obviously a woman can not go. But when you want an activity for you (that he could go to if he wanted) it is not allowed? I think the whole schedule needs to be examined and that you should both be allowed time for your activites

CM