Advice needed

  • Thread starter Thread starter Anne_G
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Anne_G

Guest
I have a male friend (I have kept in touch with him because I feel sorry for him) who lost his job about 6 months ago. His pension does not even cover his rent let alone living expenses. He has asked a couple of times whether we can house share. I have said it is not possible as I know my ex partner would stop my daughter from coming to stay with me and I know she would not want to come here if a strange man was living here. My older daughters would have a problem with it too, they are not keen on him. I also have many problems with him myself, he is not Christian and has funny ideas about God, he smokes marijana when he can afford to, he drinks a lot, he has limited social skills. My bills would go up and I believe I would be left to pay more than what I am paying now and I am struggling financially as it is.

I told him of a website that advertises house mates wanted, and I have lent him money on several occassions. I try to motivate him into applying for jobs, putting his name down for work that he is trained in, printing out flyers for doing car washing.

Am I doing enough, am I being unChristian to not let him live here. I lost my job last year because I had a schizophrenia episode and am just holding my head above water as it is. I don’t feel strong enough to cope with him living here.
 
Him moving in with you just screams “BAD IDEA” to me.

Let me count the ways.

1)he smokes marijuana
2) he drinks a lot
3)your bills would go up and you can’t afford it

To say nothing about the fact that your daughters wouldn’t want to come visit you if he was there. (And I can’t say that I blame them.)
 
Anne_G said:
I have a male friend (I have kept in touch with him because I feel sorry for him) who lost his job about 6 months ago. His pension does not even cover his rent let alone living expenses. He has asked a couple of times whether we can house share. I have said it is not possible as I know my ex partner would stop my daughter from coming to stay with me and I know she would not want to come here if a strange man was living here. My older daughters would have a problem with it too, they are not keen on him. I also have many problems with him myself, he is not Christian and has funny ideas about God, he smokes marijana when he can afford to, he drinks a lot, he has limited social skills. My bills would go up and I believe I would be left to pay more than what I am paying now and I am struggling financially as it is.

I told him of a website that advertises house mates wanted, and I have lent him money on several occassions. I try to motivate him into applying for jobs, putting his name down for work that he is trained in, printing out flyers for doing car washing.

Am I doing enough, am I being unChristian to not let him live here. I lost my job last year because I had a schizophrenia episode and am just holding my head above water as it is. I don’t feel strong enough to cope with him living here.
Click to expand...
:bigyikes::bigyikes::bigyikes:

You are not being unchristian to refer this man to somewhere else to live! It would be a VERY BAD IDEA to let him move in! PLEASE DO NOT DO IT!

And please, stop giving him money (I do not think it’s a loan since it’s unlikely that he will pay you back).

You have to take care of yourself and your own family before you can give to others. Sounds like you need to ease out of this man’s life.
 
Yes you have done and are doing all that you reasonably can.
He is not helping himself and so you must draw the line at some point.

Peace
James
 
Knowing the ‘wealth’ of assistance offered to all people, by all Taxpayers, for all situations, in addition to the diversity and volume of work positions available to people of all ages in Australia (am an Australian), it is time for him to give up his luxuries and addictions, make his own way in this beautiful World God gave us and not sponge off other people. No more money giving, save it for your Children and other causes who genuinely NEED your assistance.

Q: In a few years time, and now, what is this teaching your Children that God sent to be raised by you (if you allow this bloke into your home and life) smoking marijuana and his habits being supported by you?

Put your Children first the way I have always done (7 years separated) through Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus’ Love, Wisdom and Guidance.

Please pray Our Lady’s Holy Rosary, she will guide you at this intersection and others throughout your life and your children’s lives.

Wait and marry the right Christian man for you later.

God Bless (and I do not judge, as I have made mistakes through my life, however needed to be strong for you as a Sister in Christ).

Hail Mary full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed Art Thou among Women and Blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen.
 
Dear Anne, to remind you and give you strength in this situation, I suggest placing Jesus’ Crucifix/Holy Cross in your bedroom as a reminder of His Divine Holy Commandments and wishes along with Our Lady’s Holy Rosary Beads and Holy Cards placed throughout your home for Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus’ Love, Guidance and Wisdom. These can be purchased at any Catholic Bookshop or Christian Bookshop.

Then you will never be in a quandary again regarding this man.

Our Father who Art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.
 
You listed all the reasons it’s not a good idea to let this man into your home.

I agree with the other posters. You are not obligated by Christian charity to let a strange man live in your home. There are other ways to be charitable … and for a grown man that can look like your having faith in his ability to take care of himself.

God Bless.
 
Anne_G said:
Am I doing enough, am I being unChristian to not let him live here. I lost my job last year because I had a schizophrenia episode and am just holding my head above water as it is. I don’t feel strong enough to cope with him living here.
Click to expand...
It wasn’t appropriate for him to ask you, and even if he were female, you have lots of great reasons for saying no. It’s not un-Christian to refuse to let someone live with you, especially someone of the opposite sex who isn’t a family member. You can help him in other ways, but be firm about saying no.
 
Anne_G said:
I have a male friend (I have kept in touch with him because I feel sorry for him) who lost his job about 6 months ago. His pension does not even cover his rent let alone living expenses. He has asked a couple of times whether we can house share. I have said it is not possible as I know my ex partner would stop my daughter from coming to stay with me and I know she would not want to come here if a strange man was living here. My older daughters would have a problem with it too, they are not keen on him. I also have many problems with him myself, he is not Christian and has funny ideas about God, he smokes marijana when he can afford to, he drinks a lot, he has limited social skills. My bills would go up and I believe I would be left to pay more than what I am paying now and I am struggling financially as it is.

I told him of a website that advertises house mates wanted, and I have lent him money on several occassions. I try to motivate him into applying for jobs, putting his name down for work that he is trained in, printing out flyers for doing car washing.

Am I doing enough, am I being unChristian to not let him live here. I lost my job last year because I had a schizophrenia episode and am just holding my head above water as it is. I don’t feel strong enough to cope with him living here.
Click to expand...
Not unChristian at all. Number one, he is a male and you have yourself and young girls to think about. I am assuming that he is a single male. He could easily move into something much smaller and affordable versus someone with children or large extended family responsiblities. Are you sure that there is not an underlying angle of a possible romantic interest on his end towards you?

Even so, the drug use itself is a huge flag (marijuana is a drug and is a gateway to lots of other drugs). Lending money is enabling the habit and once he moves in, all his money would be going to that. Right now he can’t spend so much on it because he needs to keep himself off the street and pay something on his bills. That changes when he moves in with you and then your expenses and stress go up.

I don’t see how it could end without you coming up short somehow. I was in a marriage for years to someone that abused drugs and alcohol and couldn’t keep a job. The psychological roller coaster of that alone nearly sent me to the hospital myself (mild BPII misdiagnosed as MDD), so I definitely wouldn’t reccomend it at all for you either. Good friends don’t take advantage of friends, which is what it sounds like he is trying to do to you. Follow your first instincts.
 
Thankyou for everyones (name removed by moderator)ut. I will definately say no if he asks again. I can see that in the near future he is going to end up on my doorstep after being evicted. Just what I don’t need.

Please pray for him that he gets his life into order.
 
Anne_G said:
Thankyou for everyones (name removed by moderator)ut. I will definately say no if he asks again. I can see that in the near future he is going to end up on my doorstep after being evicted. Just what I don’t need.

Please pray for him that he gets his life into order.
Click to expand...
Keep the address of the nearest homeless shelter handy - just in case. That way if he does turn up on your doorstep you can direct him to where he can get the help he needs.

Peace
James
 
The best thing you could do for him, is to pray for him. You can consult with a priest but personally, i wouldn’t allow this man to move in. On the other hand, we are not in your shoes, we don’t know the depth of the situation but you are the only one to know, this is why, i would seek a priest. I don’t feel this is selfish if you are worry about this, meaning not selfish to say no. I pray for him for God to provide all of his needs and to guide you in doing his will. Amen.
 
You cannot take care of this person, nor is it your responsibility to take care of him. You’ve given what you can, and now it’s time for him to take responsibility. (I think you’ve been much too generous, really.) Sounds like he is a moocher who will just use you and then toss you aside when the the well of money dries up.

Stand firm if he does show up on your doorstep. There are services for people down on their luck. I like the idea of a previous poster about keeping the shelter numbers on, ready to give them out if he does show up. It’s kind of a scary situation, too. I wouldn’t want a semi-stranger showing up at my house, with a sob story about being evicted. Good luck.
 
First: If you have to ask, then the answer should be no
Second: Your kids are more important, and their well being should come first
Third: I agree with other, have the contact info for the nearest shelter available and stand your ground. Do you want this semi stranger, or your kids?

And if he should hint about being homeless looking for money to pay rent, I would then give him the shelter information before he is homeless that way there he knows he will not be camping on your couch. Once he gets in, it will be near impossible to get them out. Trust me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top