Advice needed

[Hardenedxheart]

My boyfriend and I are both Catholic and are three months into our relationship. I know that God put him in my life for a reason ad I know that I want to marry him an have a family by his side. Before we started dating we were both single for a very long time, 6 years. In that time my boyfriend began contemplating entering the priesthood. He grew up going to church every Sunday and was an altar boy for some time. It never went past a thought, he has never attempted to begin the journey. Since he has been with me he has felt very conflicted because he wants a family and children but he is afraid he is turning his back on God and is afraid that his true calling is to be a priest. He asked me for advice. I told him to seek the counsel of a priest in his parish. He did so. The priest told him to do what makes him happy, that if he wants a family and marriage that he can do so. As long as we raise our family within the church, God will not be displeased. He seemed content with this advice for some time and everything was fine. However, he told me last night that the confusion is still there. He is very scared of making the wrong choice and wants to make sure he does everything right. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. I feel selfish because I am angry and upset that he’s conflicted, something I haven’t shared with him. However, if becoming a priest is God’s plan for him and it will make him happy I want him to do it. I just don’t know what to do.

 

[1ke]

My boyfriend and I are both Catholic and are three months into our relationship. I know that God put him in my life for a reason ad I know that I want to marry him an have a family by his side.

Whoa. Slow down there. You have been in a relationship 3 months and you “know” God put him in your life “for a reason” and you “know” you “want to marry him”. I think that’s a little premature.

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. I feel selfish because I am angry and upset that he’s conflicted, something I haven’t shared with him. However, if becoming a priest is God’s plan for him and it will make him happy I want him to do it. I just don’t know what to do.

You need to step away from the relationship and give him the time and space he will need for true discernment. He needs to contact the vocations director in his diocese. He needs to spend time in prayer and reflection, perhaps on retreat, and take his time in discernment.

He should not be dating while discerning the priesthood.

 

[Hardenedxheart]

We have known each other for quite some time before we dated. Sorry, it does seem fast the way I wrote it, but it’s not. Sorry. Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[Sharonreg]

Been there and have also felt the “this feels like a God plan”. My words, not quoting you. First, I would say proceed cautiously with that thought. Sometimes it is easy to project our wants to be God’s will. Your friend is facing a monumental decision in his life–commitment to a life of marriage and family or a commitment to the priesthood. That’s a big choice to make. I can see where the indecision on his part could cause you hurt, frustration, maybe even anger. And it’s true, this young man could be in your life for a reason–it just might not be the reason you want/think it is. I would suggest giving him some space and time to discern which is the best path for him and ultimately for you. He needs to be able to make his decision prayerfully and freely. Is your love for him selfless in that you want the best for him as we’ll as yourself? For myself, I would prefer having someone who can commit himself to me (and I to him) without doubt about choosing another life path. Ask yourself the same question, if the position was reversed and you were conflicted between marriage and the religious life, what would you do? God’s way, time, and reasoning are not always our way, time, or reasoning. I wish the best for you both. Blessings.

 

[PJH_74]

Has he considered becoming a permanent Deacon? If his call is to the Word and being there for people this might be the answer.

As someone who is married to a Lutheran Pastor, a call is a very definite thing in my experience. A person who is called often will only be happy in their call, a person who is not will not last that long. Ministry is very demanding. If you end up married to him as a permanent deacon sometime in the future, remember that your marriage is also part of that call. Consider that if he has leanings toward the deaconate and you end up marrying him. Otherwise, I wouldn’t go to far from him, but he needs to have this sorted before you both move too far forward.

Best of luck to you!

 

[PatriceA]

Whoa. Slow down there. You have been in a relationship 3 months and you “know” God put him in your life “for a reason” and you “know” you “want to marry him”. I think that’s a little premature.

You need to step away from the relationship and give him the time and space he will need for true discernment. He needs to contact the vocations director in his diocese. He needs to spend time in prayer and reflection, perhaps on retreat, and take his time in discernment.

He should not be dating while discerning the priesthood.

I don’t agree with your first part 1ke. One can certainly know they are to marry the person they are dating even after only three months. My husband and I certainly did. If one has properly discerned God’s will, then God’s timing can certainly be that short when finding a spouse, or even shorter in some cases.

BUT, what seems to be missing in the OP’s relationship is that discerning process, especially on the part of the boyfriend. I agree with you that he shouldn’t be dating until he has properly discerned God’s vocation for himself.

The OP should end the relationship for the time being and give herself and her boyfriend the time to properly discern God’s will for each of them individually.

 

[ffg]

Whoa. Slow down there. You have been in a relationship 3 months and you “know” God put him in your life “for a reason” and you “know” you “want to marry him”. I think that’s a little premature.

There are a lot of people living long lives of healthy marriage who met their spouse and ‘knew’ the ‘click’ quickly.

Time is meaningless if growth in understanding does not occur. It doesn’t take months or years to have meaningful conversations to see if lives would align. (obviously, including prayer)

Getting back on subject, I would agree, he shouldn’t be evaluating the priesthood while dating. I’m sure he’s a big boy, if he can’t conclude that a priestly evaluation is sans dating, that should help your decision making.

There are a lot of decisions after marriage in life that have 2 or more paths, having an ability to attack decisions correctly is a quality you want to look for in a spouse.

Obviously, this decision of his is a big one, so you want to see him going about it correctly. Dating and evaluating the priesthood do not go hand in hand.

 

[mountee]

One thing I am completely certain of is that your boyfriend needs the time and the space to discern God’s call for his life. Until he resolves this voice inside of him he will be conflicted about his future. You sound like the perfect person to help him through this, encourage him to do whatever he needs to do in order to move forward with his life.