Advice on a sticky situation

[awfulthings9]

Hey all,
I am currently my brother’s fiance’s sponsor for RCIA. She has almost no religious background. My brother was baptised Catholic, but stopped going at around age 7, when our parents got divorced and our Catholic mother stopped going.
The problem I have now is that they are living together (against my advice, of course). However, both her parents and ours encouraged that arrangement. I have hoped that through my instruction to her and what she received in RCIA (we have a very good program), I could convince them that the arrangement is not proper. However, they recently just put an offer on a house and had that offer accepted, so my uphill battle just got steeper.
Both are very spiritually malnurished at this point, though she seems to be really open to what she is learning in RCIA. Their wedding date is in the summer of 2007.
So, do I continue to be her sponsor through RCIA, give her the proper instruction on the church’s teaching on sexuality and leave it in their hands to accept God or reject him through their actions? That’s option A.
Or, option B, do I tell her that I don’t think she’s ready to join the church and that we should probably hold off on RCIA until next year (when they will still be living together, but only for a shorter length of time before the wedding).
Option C, continue to be her sponsor, but leave it to the priest in his interviews with her and my brother to discern if they are ready to enter the church and trust his judgement.

If she doesn’t enter the church, my brother will probably not pursue confirmation, in which case they will have to seek a marriage outside the church. At the same time, is it not an overt mockery of reconcilliation if I take her to that point and she confesses but continues to live in the “near occasion of sin” by sharing a house and most likely a bedroom with him? I would hope that, through the sacrament of Eucharist, reconcilliation, and confirmation, she might receive the grace to live a more Christian life, but if in mortal sin, she shouldn’t be receiving al of these. Any advice? I’m not sure what direction to go.

 

[Marilena]

Talk to your priest about this issue. One definitely wants them to
continue with RCIA. Your priest will be able to give you a correct
answer. Talk to him as soon as possible.

 

[BillP]

Right now your Brother and his fiance have no real sense that what they’re doing is wrong. Their spiritual journey into the Church through RCIA will correct that.

It is VERY unlikley that they are going to change their behavior BEFORE they understand WHY they should do so. Frankly, I think its unreasonable to expect it.

In option B you talk about telling your future sister in law that she’s not ready to join the Church. Well, of course she’s not! Isn’t that why she’s in RCIA?

At this point I suspect it is a choice between leading them gradually to an understanding or losing them altogether.

Just my $.02

 

[vluvski]

I agree, talk to the priest.

I was absolutely apalled at the number of couples living together on my engaged encounter last weekend. I’d say at least 60% of the couples, and I only know of 2 of us out of 11 are living separately.

I always thought it was the Church’s policy not to marry couples insisting upon cohabitation? I’d be more hesitant about the marriage than about the RCIA. After all, there is no inherent moral objection to members of the opposite sex (for whom there would be no near occasion of sin) living together for financial considerations. (I’m not promoting this in the least, I think it’s a poor idea.)

Perhaps you can try a secular approach with statistics showing how high the divorce rate is for couples who live together before marriage. The financial benefits of sharing a house are far outweighed by the increased chance of divorce, the scandal it creates, and the near occasion of sin it puts the couple in. Is there anywhere she or he could stay for the duration of the engagement?

Have she and your brother read/listened to anything about Theology of the Body? I strongly recommend Naked Without Shame which can be purchased for under $5 from www.giftfoundation.com.

 

[Gerry_Hunter]

At the risk of giving a headache from the echo, do talk to your priest.

There is an obstacle they each will face soon anyway. Before her reception, or his Confirmation, there will have to be the Sacrament of Penance. It would be very bad if either made a bad confession and did not tell of their situation. And if they did tell of their situation, would absolution be forthcoming without a commitment to place their lives back under God’s ordinances?

This isn’t just a bump on the road for them to ride over; it’s a barrier, that sooner or later is going to have to be torn down. The good news is that God’s grace abounds, and with your evident and genuine concern, and the help of your priest and the RCIA people, the project of tearing it down can be addressed sooner, rather than later.

Blessings,

Gerry