Advice on Catholic dating?

[mandy2]

Hello
So I am 18 and currently in a relationship with a great guy. We are both Catholic and he is my first boyfriend and I am his first girlfriend So we are both new to this. (We’ve been together for 5 months). So we first got caught up in the whole “dating as the world tells us” and although we have both promised to keep our virginity till marriage, we did do things like overly kissing and things like that. We then regretted it and confessed it individually. We still sometimes get caught up in it (not to the extent of before) but we talk about it and really make efforts to not go so far into it. So we are doing good, then I hear from some people online that you should hold off on ANY kind of kissing till marriage. Is that true?
One other thing, since it is my first relationship I struggle with the idea that God is no longer the only man in my life. But at the same time my boyfriend is just as strong in his faith as I am. And he can help me get closer to God. For example, he prays with me, we go to adoration together, sometimes daily mass, and help out with youth groups at my church.
Should I be feeling so guilty about having a boyfriend?
I’ve thought before maybe God was calling me to the religious life, but it wasn’t a good time, and I know God only calls through joy!
Any comments, advice or prayers please Thanks God bless!!!

 

[DevotedChild]

Though I don’t have much experience with dating I will try and help with what I know. Just so you know, I applaud you for doing the right thing in keeping the relationship chaste and focused on God and not each other. That is hard to do in this world.

When it comes to the kissing issue, you need to know what will or what will not bring you into sin. If you are unsure, from what I gather that you are, from kissing too much I would suggest just leaving it at a peck kiss and try and find other innocent ways to show each other affection.

If you think that maybe that he is replacing God in your life, which you indicated as your fear, then take a little time away from your boyfriend to take some time to talk with God about it but from what you describe your boyfriend doesn’t sound like he is replacing God but is helping you find God, which is what he is supposed to do. But if in your mind that is not how it seems then take that time away from your friend to spend some with God to straighten it all out. Your boyfriend sounds like he will understand if you do decide to take some time away for prayer.

You can still discern your vocation while you are dating. And you are right that He calls us through a deep and profound joy for what He calls us to be. My question that I would have you ponder then, is this relationship, which discerns marriage, bringing me a deep, underlining and profound joy or do you feel as though there may be more that God is calling you to? Have you and your boyfriend both discern and pray about this together. If you feel that you are called to do something more, then marriage may not be calling you to. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that he is calling to the religious life because he may call you to be single or a consecrated virgin but is diffidently something to look into. It will take time and prayer to find God’s voice in your life and finding where He is leading you to but be patient and just “enjoy the ride”.

God Bless you for trying to keep your relationship chaste. That is so hard to do in this world anymore. As a twenty year old leaving in the US, I know this too.

God Bless you and your boyfriend and may you hear His voice and take His hand in confidence that He will lead you to where He wants you to be, to that which will bring you the most joy into your life.

God Bless.

 

[Zekariya]

When it comes to the kissing issue, you need to know what will or what will not bring you into sin. If you are unsure, from what I gather that you are, from kissing too much I would suggest just leaving it at a peck kiss and try and find other innocent ways to show each other affection.

Grate advice. I just want to add… You also need to know that what might be okay for you could be an occasion of sin for your boyfriend. Men tend to get turned on sexually at a quicker pace then women.

 

[Cojuanco]

Grate advice. I just want to add… You also need to know that what might be okay for you could be an occasion of sin for your boyfriend. Men tend to get turned on sexually at a quicker pace then women.

And what might be OK for him might be a near occasion of sin for you. Men tend to be more eaaily sexually excitable, but sometimes women can be more so than the average man, or their suitor. These things take prudent judgment.