Advice on dating Protestants

[NFrancis]

I think I might date a Protestant.
Does anyone have any advice from your experiences. I don’t know how it’s going to work. But, I’ve been praying for a girlfriend and now I think that God is saying I can go out with her (a protestant), but it kind of scares me that she’s not Catholic so I want advice.

 

[Ahimsa]

I think I might date a Protestant.
Does anyone have any advice from your experiences. I don’t know how it’s going to work. But, I’ve been praying for a girlfriend and now I think that God is saying I can go out with her (a protestant), but it kind of scares me that she’s not Catholic so I want advice.

What type of Protestant? What’s her theological perspective? What does she think about Church History? I want to see more data.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Protestants are wonderful people, but I strongly recommend looking for a Catholic girl. Religious divisions in the household might feel okay when it’s just you and her, but if you were to marry her and she agreed the children should be raised Catholic, your religious divisions could nonetheless easily become very painful. I’ve heard that story many times before. People expect that it will be all right but then when the issues really start surfacing, especially when children come on the scene, it becomes very painful.

Don’t do that to yourself. Families should be united, and parents should be united for the sake of their children. I strongly recommend finding a Catholic young adults group in your area (you can ask at local parishes to find these), or going to one of the online Catholic dating sites which helps young people with the same interests, living in the same area, to connect with one another.

If you feel God is telling you to date this girl, I recommend you talk with your spiritual director about it, or if you don’t have one, then talk to your local priest. I’m sure the girl is a wonderful person. The difficulty is you’re talking about doing something that, while morally permissible, is definitely not recommended, because of the division that so often painfully emerges in families where the married couple disagrees on important religious beliefs. You have other, better options.

 

[Scoobyshme]

My advice is, don’t. Not that they’re not nice people sometimes, etc. But dating is for the purpose of seeking a suitable spouse. Why put the extra burden on yourself of perhaps marrying someone who is not spiritually compatible with you from the beginning?

Seek a nice, faithful, orthodox Catholic to date. And at least you won’t have that obstacle to overcome. And, you’ll have someone who can grow with you in the faith.

Just sayin’…

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

Don’t do it.

 

[BeeCatholic]

At the risk of making a lot of people mad, what if God wants him to date her because He thinks she would be open to converting? If the poster feels God has spoken to him, allowing him to date her, wouldn’t there be a reason that we don’t know?
How happy is she in her church?
I was “raised” with the First Christians, on Easter and Christmas, when we went to church. My dad’s family was Baptist. My paternal grandfather’s family was Catholic. Although I was only exposed to the Church for weddings and funerals, I always felt “right” there. Then I met, dated, and married a Catholic man. I converted. Actually, I attend Mass way more than he does, as do our children. God gave me my way into the church.

 

[TheQuestioner]

Don’t be so negative guys. It really does depend. What is her status on Catholic doctrine? Church history? How old are you both? What is her status on the Catholic Church? Does she go to a protestant Bible Study? Will she want to come to a Catholic one? You have the advantage in one day converting her since you are the guy (sorry ladies, hard facts).

All of these things need to be asked.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

At the risk of making a lot of people mad, what if God wants him to date her because He thinks she would be open to converting? If the poster feels God has spoken to him, allowing him to date her, wouldn’t there be a reason that we don’t know?
How happy is she in her church?

He’s not talking about friendship or about religious dialogue but about actions that could lead to marriage. He also didn’t say God wants him to date her but that he felt God would permit it. That is a perfectly valid statement, for the Church does teach that dating or even marrying non-Catholics is often permissible.

Of course it’s up to him. It is often permissible to marry a non-Catholic. However, there is usually a lot of strife when this occurs, especially when children emerge and their upbringing has to be considered. Sometimes a Protestant spouse will initially agree that the children will be raised Catholic, but when the time comes, she changes her mind. Or she becomes hurt and distressed because of the beliefs she disagrees with, which her children hold. Families very frequently get hurt this way. It’s a terrible burden, when that happens. I experienced the pain of religious division in my own family, when I converted to Catholicism. It’s often a terrible experience, to have a family divided in faith. So I don’t recommend walking into that when you have plenty of other good options.

Having strong friendships with Protestants, and working with them, praying with them, partying with them or dialoguing with them wouldn’t be an issue I’d worry about, though, if you’re strong in your own faith.

 

[cmscms]

Dating someone with different religious beliefs (when one is a devout Catholic) can cause a lot of strife. And this can actually happen between 2 Catholics with different views. For example, I strongly believe the second I enter a church there is no talking (unless to join in prayer) until the priest says ‘This mass is ended go in peace’. I have been to church with people who consider themselves Catholic and yet think nothing of wisperring before mass.

So, the fact that this girl is protestant on the surface appears like a show stopper. However, once you get to know her, there is a small possibility she will convert (but I would not bank on it). If she doesn’t want to convert, you will be left with a life full of compromise. If you can’t handle it, don’t do it.

Example, I know a couple where the woman was buddhist and after they got engaged the man became Catholic. So they compromised and got married in a Christian church. He felt he had to take her feelings into consideration. Personally, I would resent having to have to make those compromises.

So… unless you know in the bottom of your hear God is saying ‘This is the girl for you’, don’t do it

CM

 

[choy]

find out what her faith is about, and see if this is a potential for conflict in the future. if it is, then don’t go through with it. but if its not, then by all means. many Protestants are open minded and would be respectful of other people’s faith. there are some that are hostile particularly to the Catholic faith. if that person belongs to such group, this would beceom a source of conflict in the future, and best to avoid it early on

 

[NFrancis]

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I’ve decided that unless I am certain that God wants me to date her I will not unless she is converting to Catholicism or has most Catholic beliefs. Anyways, I think maybe God wants me to convert her (and then I could possibly date her). On facebook it says she is “Christian.” I think that would indicate that she isn’t really dedicated to any specific faith.
I really don’t know how I would do this. I work with her at Kroger and sometimes we get time to talk when there aren’t customers, but I doubt religion would likely come up and if it did we probably wouldn’t have long to talk about it. I feel a call to apologetics/evangelization. I have been studying Mary recently and birth control a little. What topics do you think I should study to help convert her?

Also, I would appreciate your prayers that I do God’s will. I will offer up prayers for those who pray for me.

Also, I have a blog about things I have studied and just random things I think of or find.
romanloyalist.blogspot.com/

 

[Lief_Erikson]

If she says she is “Christian,” she is Protestant. Go to Catholic.com and read through the articles in their “Library,” about Mary, Ark of the Covenant, about the Intercession of Saints, about the Real Presence, about Faith Alone and Scripture Alone, about Tradition, the Magesterium and the Papacy, all the key issues that create controversy. Purgatory too, probably, and Confession. They have excellent tracts and articles on all of those teachings. You should also look up the Indulgences and read about them online, perhaps from the Catholic Encyclopedia. Protestants often have a lot of misconceptions about that history.

Prayer to Jesus through the Virgin Mary is the key, though, to your evangelistic effort. Simply pray and keep praying, especially the Rosary, and offer Masses for her and maybe novenas. Invoke the aid of great saintly missionaries like St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Francis de Sales, St. Francis Xavier, St. Vincent Ferrer, St. Paul the Apostle, St. Ignatius of Loyola, St. Anthony of Padua (Hammer of Heretics), and Saint Dominic. These heroes of the faith will surely be a marvelous help to you if you pray to them consistently for your friend. Prayer and sacrifice are the keys of victory. The Virgin Mary, the Mediatrix of All Graces, will help you in everything.

Prayer is something you can’t measure with your eyes and it might look like it’s not having an affect for a long time, but God hears and sees our faithful perseverance. It is the front line of our spiritual battle, not the second. Prayer is everything. Without prayer we can do nothing. Get informed through the articles I suggested, and possibly some good apologetics books defending the Catholic faith. Then, when the Lord opens the door for a conversation relating to Catholicism to take place, you will be there for your friend.

God bless you on this enterprise! It is a truly wonderful thing you are planning to do. Praise God for your spirit of service to His Kingdom .

 

[Catholic1954]

I dated a Protestant once. We celebrated our 33rd wedding aniversary this past April. It took him 20 years to convert to the Catholic Church, the Holy Spirit’s timetable, not mine.

 

[NFrancis]

I dated a Protestant once. We celebrated our 33rd wedding aniversary this past April. It took him 20 years to convert to the Catholic Church, the Holy Spirit’s timetable, not mine.

If I am supposed to date her than how would I know if she would be okay with NFP and raising our children Catholic? I don’t want to start a relationship and just breakup after she figures out about these beliefs. Did religious differences cause struggles in your marriage?

 

[thistle]

I think I might date a Protestant.
Does anyone have any advice from your experiences. I don’t know how it’s going to work. But, I’ve been praying for a girlfriend and now I think that God is saying I can go out with her (a protestant), but it kind of scares me that she’s not Catholic so I want advice.

I was a Methodist when I married my Catholic wife. She prayed daily for 10 years for my conversion and God answered her prayers in 1991.

 

[jmcrae]

At the risk of making a lot of people mad, what if God wants him to date her because He thinks she would be open to converting?

If he wants to evangelize her, he should just do that. A person should not be dating the same person that they are evangelizing.

I was “raised” with the First Christians, on Easter and Christmas, when we went to church. My dad’s family was Baptist. My paternal grandfather’s family was Catholic. Although I was only exposed to the Church for weddings and funerals, I always felt “right” there. Then I met, dated, and married a Catholic man. I converted. Actually, I attend Mass way more than he does, as do our children. God gave me my way into the church.

If you wanted to become a Catholic, there were easier ways.

 

[BeeCatholic]

If you wanted to become a Catholic, there were easier ways.

I married my husband because I love him. I became Catholic because I love God.

OP, when you talk to this girl, don’t be afraid to bring God into your conversations. Make it simple, like ask what she did over the weekend. She will probably reciprocate by asking about your weekend. Then you can say “oh, I did this, that, and attended mass.” If she quickly changes the subject, you’ll pretty much have your answer.

BTW, my husband and I met within days of graduating high school while working at a local grocery store. It’s been 21 years now.

 

[Prayerbook123]

I think I might date a Protestant.
Does anyone have any advice from your experiences. I don’t know how it’s going to work. But, I’ve been praying for a girlfriend and now I think that God is saying I can go out with her (a protestant), but it kind of scares me that she’s not Catholic so I want advice.

Hi NFrancis;6793212, this is a very complicated issue, you’ve got to look at it not so much as one person dating another, whatever your intention with regard to dating might be, but one culture dating another. Think about your own family, how you came to believe the various tenets of Catholicism and your loyalty and faithfulness to these, which can be summarized by the Creed that we say every Sunday.

And then, your girlfriend’s culture, which, as you noted was Protestant, which means, I think, that there’s some component of the Creed that the culture of your girlfriend’s upbringing does not agree with.

Saying one is Catholic and saying one is Protestant, after all, means something. Catholics believe in the totality of the Church’s teachings, Protestants, by definition, don’t. This reflects not just a totality in the present, but throughout the various stages of growth and spiritual development as one ages. If a Protestant paradigm persists in the same way for your girlfriend, how will this play out with respect to love, sex, and the Catholic mandate for educating future children in the Catholic faith, for example?

Isn’t it true that you can really never know what critical component of Catholicism a Protestant will not agree with? It’s not really the tenets of our faith that we’re talking about here, it’s the paradigm; deferring to guidance by the Church as a Catholic, versus declining to accept the authority of the Catholic Church as a Protestant, for example.

I agree that it’s a very scary situation because of the uncertainty principle going into this meeting of cultures, I’m not saying this with rigidity, but it shouldn’t be ignored, either.

 

[NFrancis]

So, yesterday at work, she was talking about stuff and she quickly asked me if I wanted to go see twilight with her. I’m not really sure if I said anything, I don’t think I got the opportunity to- it happened kind of quickly. However, would it be okay to go with her as friends or would that be too much like a date? I’m not very social and don’t ever do things like that with other people. Would it be okay to let her know that I like her, but tell her I don’t want a relationship with her.
Yesterday in a homily, the deacon was talking about evangelization and he said that sometimes we have to basically be more social -- I think that was what he was saying. He talked about how he hasn't introduced himself to his neighbors for twenty years.

 

[hdog]

i am protestant…maybe a cathoprot i have no idea what i am