Advice on dating

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AngelEyes94

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I am 21 and the guy I was dating was 22. We broke it off after 2 months. He went to my youth group in high school and we reconnected a few months ago and that is how we started dating. He knew the importance of my faith from the get go and how I live my life by Catholic teaching. He has had struggles in his young adult life and has stopped practicing. He believes in God and prays but definitely struggles. When we first started dating I was under the impression he was just scared to come back to the church because he was nervous about some sins he needs to confess. We ended up breaking up this past week… A few days before Christmas because I mistakenly told him about my future husband list. He read my list and felt like he couldn’t fulfill my expectations. We talked about our relationship for 8 hours straight before we officially broke up and he left. He kept saying he doesn’t feel like he is in the place to come back to church yet and doesn’t want me to resent him if he never comes back. He keeps comparing to how easy it was for him to convert to Catholicism was to how he feels now. I guess 1 night at youth group brought him to the faith. He kept saying he didn’t understand why he didn’t want to go to church yet after being with me for two months. I don’t know wha to do. I am going to see him this week and we are going to talk. I know I want to apologize for him seeing my list and being pushy about church because I misunderstood where he was coming from. I’m really worried about his soul now. I’m afraid if we are really done he will never come back. He is in a state of mortal sin and I don’t want him to not get to heaven if he doesn’t come back to the church before his time comes. What should I do? I prayed to God before we started dating to take him out of my life if this wasn’t meant to be and he didn’t take him out. I don’t have the gut feeling that this should be the end.
 
AngelEyes94 said:
I am 21 and the guy I was dating was 22. We broke it off after 2 months. He went to my youth group in high school and we reconnected a few months ago and that is how we started dating. He knew the importance of my faith from the get go and how I live my life by Catholic teaching. He has had struggles in his young adult life and has stopped practicing. He believes in God and prays but definitely struggles. When we first started dating I was under the impression he was just scared to come back to the church because he was nervous about some sins he needs to confess. We ended up breaking up this past week… A few days before Christmas because I mistakenly told him about my future husband list. He read my list and felt like he couldn’t fulfill my expectations. We talked about our relationship for 8 hours straight before we officially broke up and he left. He kept saying he doesn’t feel like he is in the place to come back to church yet and doesn’t want me to resent him if he never comes back. He keeps comparing to how easy it was for him to convert to Catholicism was to how he feels now. I guess 1 night at youth group brought him to the faith. He kept saying he didn’t understand why he didn’t want to go to church yet after being with me for two months. I don’t know wha to do. I am going to see him this week and we are going to talk. I know I want to apologize for him seeing my list and being pushy about church because I misunderstood where he was coming from. I’m really worried about his soul now. I’m afraid if we are really done he will never come back. He is in a state of mortal sin and I don’t want him to not get to heaven if he doesn’t come back to the church before his time comes. What should I do? I prayed to God before we started dating to take him out of my life if this wasn’t meant to be and he didn’t take him out. I don’t have the gut feeling that this should be the end.
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I think you know what the answer is.

You can’t get this young man to heaven if he doesn’t want to go, and he can keep you from getting there. You can’t even get him to Mass.

The whole point of having a “future husband list” is to keep you from getting mixed up in marginal relationships like this one. Read your list again and run, run, run!

Don’t see him this week. You already broke up and talked for 8 hours. There’s absolutely no good that can come out of seeing him again this week.
 
Maybe you should just remain friends with him…for now. He’s clearly not ready to return to the Church yet. Pray for him! Maybe he’ll come around 🙂 But don’t get your hopes up on him, just in case it doesn’t work out.
 
AngelEyes94 said:
I am 21 and the guy I was dating was 22. We broke it off after 2 months. He went to my youth group in high school and we reconnected a few months ago and that is how we started dating. He knew the importance of my faith from the get go and how I live my life by Catholic teaching. He has had struggles in his young adult life and has stopped practicing. He believes in God and prays but definitely struggles. When we first started dating I was under the impression he was just scared to come back to the church because he was nervous about some sins he needs to confess. We ended up breaking up this past week… A few days before Christmas because I mistakenly told him about my future husband list. He read my list and felt like he couldn’t fulfill my expectations. We talked about our relationship for 8 hours straight before we officially broke up and he left. He kept saying he doesn’t feel like he is in the place to come back to church yet and doesn’t want me to resent him if he never comes back. He keeps comparing to how easy it was for him to convert to Catholicism was to how he feels now. I guess 1 night at youth group brought him to the faith. He kept saying he didn’t understand why he didn’t want to go to church yet after being with me for two months. I don’t know wha to do. I am going to see him this week and we are going to talk. I know I want to apologize for him seeing my list and being pushy about church because I misunderstood where he was coming from. I’m really worried about his soul now. I’m afraid if we are really done he will never come back. He is in a state of mortal sin and I don’t want him to not get to heaven if he doesn’t come back to the church before his time comes. What should I do? I prayed to God before we started dating to take him out of my life if this wasn’t meant to be and he didn’t take him out. I don’t have the gut feeling that this should be the end.
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Keep praying for him, but he, and only he, is responsible for the state of his soul. It sounds like God HAS taken him out of your life, now. Make your apologies and then let him go.
 
AngelEyes94 said:
I am 21 and the guy I was dating was 22. We broke it off after 2 months. He went to my youth group in high school and we reconnected a few months ago and that is how we started dating. He knew the importance of my faith from the get go and how I live my life by Catholic teaching. He has had struggles in his young adult life and has stopped practicing. He believes in God and prays but definitely struggles. When we first started dating I was under the impression he was just scared to come back to the church because he was nervous about some sins he needs to confess. We ended up breaking up this past week… A few days before Christmas because I mistakenly told him about my future husband list. He read my list and felt like he couldn’t fulfill my expectations. We talked about our relationship for 8 hours straight before we officially broke up and he left. He kept saying he doesn’t feel like he is in the place to come back to church yet and doesn’t want me to resent him if he never comes back. He keeps comparing to how easy it was for him to convert to Catholicism was to how he feels now. I guess 1 night at youth group brought him to the faith. He kept saying he didn’t understand why he didn’t want to go to church yet after being with me for two months. I don’t know wha to do. I am going to see him this week and we are going to talk. I know I want to apologize for him seeing my list and being pushy about church because I misunderstood where he was coming from. I’m really worried about his soul now. I’m afraid if we are really done he will never come back. He is in a state of mortal sin and I don’t want him to not get to heaven if he doesn’t come back to the church before his time comes. What should I do? I prayed to God before we started dating to take him out of my life if this wasn’t meant to be and he didn’t take him out. I don’t have the gut feeling that this should be the end.
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You got off that ride easier than you might have. By a guy being honest about where he was at. And where he expected to be at. Listen to the advice you’ve got on this. Don’t keep playing with fire. Go find a guy who’ll meet your goals.

Unless of course your goals are crazy complicated. Or really unworldly specific. I mean are you asking for a roses-a-day kind of guy or something? I don’t know. Just seems like you’re now the one willing to compromise instead of the other way around. 🤷

Peace AngelEyes.

-Trident
 
One reason God didn’t take him out of your life is because He gives* us* free will. He lets us make our choices. He says well, here it is, make your choice. I can’t really say what God does. I know the best way to know God’s will for you is through faithful prayer, living a holy life. It almost sounds like you were interviewing this guy for the job of husband. That would frighten most guys away. Can you just date, form a friendship, without any demands for the time being? Maybe he will start going to church with you. I don’t know. Maybe he’s not the right one for you. I do know a few ladies who married men because God didn’t take them out of their lives and they are in miserable marriages. Think this one through with your intellect and not your heart. Maybe you are getting too emotionally invested. If you are concerned for his soul, pray for him and don’t ever stop. I am praying for you along with the other posters. God bless.
 
AngelEyes94 said:
I’m really worried about his soul now. I’m afraid if we are really done he will never come back.
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This kind of jumped out at me when I was reading your post.

You sound like a very caring person, full of compassion and love for others. However, your post, especially the quote above, leads me to think that you are putting a great deal of personal responsibility on yourself to save his soul, as if you and having a relationship with him could be what converts and ultimately saves him.

The problem with that is that he already has a Saviour. (I know you realize that, but oftentimes women think that they have power to change a man, when they really don’t.)
It could be true that he drifts farther away from the faith; however, God called him before didn’t He? Undoubtedly, someone was praying for him, and he entered youth group and there was a spark, right? In actuality, God never stops calling us, so He will continue to pursue this young man, but he needs to respond to God’s grace.

This is where you can come in.

It may not be God’s intent for you to date him, but maybe He had you two meet so you could pray for him. There’s a lot of people out there who don’t give a second thought to another person’s soul, but you aren’t one of them. You sound like a true friend! He needs your faith filled prayers. Never underestimate the power of God when we pray with faith! It may not happen overnight, but prayer and fasting on his behalf will do a lot more for him than you can imagine. May God bless you!
 
Nacho45 said:
If he isn’t husband material, he isn’t boyfriend material.
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👍

And in future, keep that “list” to yourself until you are feeling secure about a relationship. That’s an huge thing to spring on someone. It was too soon, and he isn’t the “one”.

Good luck.
 
AngelEyes94 said:
. We talked about our relationship for 8 hours straight .
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I really need to ask, did you sit at a table for 8 years with no washroom breaks? I find it hard to believe anyone could talk about anything for 8 hours straight without even getting up to stretch
AngelEyes94 said:
. . I am going to see him this week I prayed to God before we started dating to take him out of my life if this wasn’t meant .
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umm… God is not going to interfere with your free will. It is contradictory to pray to God to remove someone from your life and then make plans to see that person
 
Anglewannabe said:
umm… God is not going to interfere with your free will. It is contradictory to pray to God to remove someone from your life and then make plans to see that person
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Also, what would that even look like?

Wouldn’t it probably need to involve your boyfriend winding up being taken away by the federal witness protection program, or something else even more unpleasant happening to either him or you?

Don’t make God do your dirty work for you.
 
Xantippe said:
Also, what would that even look like?

Wouldn’t it probably need to involve your boyfriend winding up being taken away by the federal witness protection program, or something else even more unpleasant happening to either him or you?

.
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:rotfl:
 
Anglewannabe said:
I really need to ask, did you sit at a table for 8 years with no washroom breaks? I find it hard to believe anyone could talk about anything for 8 hours straight without even getting up to stretch

umm… God is not going to interfere with your free will. It is contradictory to pray to God to remove someone from your life and then make plans to see that person
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We sat on my bed in my room and talked. We hung out from 6p to 10p then at 10 when he was going to leave we started talking about our relationship because I told him my heart was guarded with him. Then we talked till 6am in circles where the relationship eventually ended
 
Xantippe said:
Also, what would that even look like?

Wouldn’t it probably need to involve your boyfriend winding up being taken away by the federal witness protection program, or something else even more unpleasant happening to either him or you?

Don’t make God do your dirty work for you.
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I wasn’t making God do my dirty work. I was trying to keep myself from doing something that wasn’t his will. With my previous relationships when I prayed about it I knew I shouldn’t have been in them. With this one I did not have the gut feeling it wasn’t right.
 
Anglewannabe said:
Yikes ! That is putting yourself in the temptation of sin. Not a good idea
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I’m fully aware of situations that lead to temptation. But that has nothing to do with this and we also discussed if hanging out in my room was too tempting we would stop.
 
The relationship with this guy seems to be going nowhere. Give it a rest and perhaps you will get back together in a few months. But, most likely not. I don’t think he is interested. If so, he would let you know. It sounds cold, and you have hope. Praying for you to be at peace.
 
Even for a Catholic, showing or discussing a husband list or marriage plans after 2 months is a lot of pressure for a 22 year old guy.

I don’t know what’s on your list-but if this guy has the positive character traits of what you are looking for that’s a start. If you are looking for a perfect husband - there are no perfect people. Your decision should be based on how far off the mark he falls on things.

For example-if he is pro abortion or has anti catholic views–loose him. If he is rediscovering the sacraments and tenets of the church, and needs work in this area-I would give him a chance and be a role model.

There is serious dating and not so serious dating. Perhaps you can dial this down to a date here and there if you want to get to know this guy more. If he has a strong character and just needs to adjust a bit-thats what I would do.
 
mommy_k said:
Even for a Catholic, showing or discussing a husband list or marriage plans after 2 months is a lot of pressure for a 22 year old guy.

I don’t know what’s on your list-but if this guy has the positive character traits of what you are looking for that’s a start. If you are looking for a perfect husband - there are no perfect people. Your decision should be based on how far off the mark he falls on things.

For example-if he is pro abortion or has anti catholic views–loose him. If he is rediscovering the sacraments and tenets of the church, and needs work in this area-I would give him a chance and be a role model.

There is serious dating and not so serious dating. Perhaps you can dial this down to a date here and there if you want to get to know this guy more. If he has a strong character and just needs to adjust a bit-thats what I would do.
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He doesn’t have anti Catholic views except for gay marriage. When I told him I live my life by my faith and I am saving myself for marriage he said he didnt expect anything less of me and knew that going into this. He just isn’t sure if he wants to come back to the faith.
 
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