Advice on DH's clutter -- PLEASE!

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I once dated a pack-rat. The kind who picked up broken appliances, thinking he’d fix them, someday. I won’t describe his house and yard because others in this thread have already done it so well. 😉

NO WAY could I have married a pack rat. No. Way.

The way I see it, hoarding is a compulsive disorder and I have a compulsive need to purge!

I think hoarders who protest that they have a right to “their stuff” and try to act like the people who want to throw away their junk are infringing on their personal liberty are guilty of taking away the peace of mind, safety, and healthy environment of those who are forced to live with them.
 
mercygate said:
You are SO right.

Did I mention that my born-again effort to keep the bedroom picture perfect (it really IS a lovely room) gave him the idea (without my asking) to move a tacky cd rack down to the landfill – I mean, the basement. Not having that aluminum-tube contraption next to the 1860 marble-top dresser took 25 points off my blood pressure. And I didn’t even ASK!
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Ugh! What IS it about men and their hideously ugly CD racks?!
 
HOPEFUL_IN_UK said:
I think hoarders who protest that they have a right to “their stuff” and try to act like the people who want to throw away their junk are infringing on their personal liberty are guilty of taking away the peace of mind, safety, and healthy environment of those who are forced to live with them.
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Well, I’m not FORCED to live with him, and at least he likes classical music, so those gobbledythousands of CDs do not include even one rock album (thank God). But you are right: they can’t see that their “habit” is a peace-killer for others who have to trip over it, move it, and clean it (I don’t clean it).
 
Here’s a hint for those who may want to sneak bulkier items out of the house, particularly those that may actually be of value for someone: Freecycle.

Freecycle is your friend. It’s like Ebay or Craig’s List, only everything is free. All you do is list what you have and people (probably packrats) will come and take it away! Keeps the landfills less full and saves you the bother of finding a new home for it.

However, do NOT let your packrat know about Freecycle. If you do, you will regret it. They will be bringing home all sorts of horrendous things and you’ll be worse off than you were before.
 
KCtheMommy said:
But wait: your DH wants to keep it IN CASE a trash man comes by to get it? (psssst toss it when he’s not looking!) 😃
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And, should he ever notice it missing, tell him, “Oh, didn’t I tell you? The trash man came by and asked if we had it.”
 
Hi, this is my first post. I just had to tell you how much I enjoyed reading all these posts since my husband and I and our kids (5 of them) all have similar problems. I have been laughing so hard, there are tears running down my face. I have been reading a book about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and I think at least 4 out of the 7 of us have it, including the founders of this family, my hubby and me.

I started out tonight going to the living room to do something because I couldn’t sleep and then saw the computer on, and decided I should make my food order, but then I saw a letter from the Forum inviting me to participate. After wandering around several forums, I found this one and like I said, it feels very good to know we are not alone and to be able to laugh about it.

Every time I have a new baby the clutter takes on astronomical proportions, in between kids, I sometimes feel I am getting somewhere. Baby is now 8 months old and already crawling and walking along furniture. Sometimes I get some brilliant ideas, like if I moved the washer/dryer upstairs, then I could get the clean clothes put away (because I wouldn’t have to carry the baby and the clothes), then I think to do all that work and maybe she will be the last baby (I am 42 already). It’s hard to believe that the house was actually clean, the kitchen had all its surfaces free of piles when we had the Baptism when she was three weeks old.

I have a hard time throwing things away and so does DH, his reasons and mine are not usually the same. I am bad about food scraps, afterall they can be composted or fed to the chickens or used for making stock. At least I don’t keep them in the house. Also I must recycle everything. Today, though I threw out several pairs of sweat pants with holes, several shirts with stains, and socks, too. (Instead of saving them for rags!) I get annoyed with the amount of junk mail I get despite being on the nonsolicitations lists because I try to recycle it all, then of course anything with personal information on it, I have to shred too.

We have lots of books, some still in the shrink wrap, but others just well read. I try to give stuff away but it is hard to get it together (find all the parts), then hide it until it is given away.

I am just rambling on, I don’t know if I will ever make much progress in this area, but thanks for helping me laugh about it.
 
Little_Bit_Mary said:
Hi, this is my first post. I just had to tell you how much I enjoyed reading all these posts since my husband and I and our kids (5 of them) all have similar problems. I have been laughing so hard, there are tears running down my face. I have been reading a book about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and I think at least 4 out of the 7 of us have it, including the founders of this family, my hubby and me.

I started out tonight going to the living room to do something because I couldn’t sleep and then saw the computer on, and decided I should make my food order, but then I saw a letter from the Forum inviting me to participate. After wandering around several forums, I found this one and like I said, it feels very good to know we are not alone and to be able to laugh about it.

Every time I have a new baby the clutter takes on astronomical proportions, in between kids, I sometimes feel I am getting somewhere. Baby is now 8 months old and already crawling and walking along furniture. Sometimes I get some brilliant ideas, like if I moved the washer/dryer upstairs, then I could get the clean clothes put away (because I wouldn’t have to carry the baby and the clothes), then I think to do all that work and maybe she will be the last baby (I am 42 already). It’s hard to believe that the house was actually clean, the kitchen had all its surfaces free of piles when we had the Baptism when she was three weeks old.

I have a hard time throwing things away and so does DH, his reasons and mine are not usually the same. I am bad about food scraps, afterall they can be composted or fed to the chickens or used for making stock. At least I don’t keep them in the house. Also I must recycle everything. Today, though I threw out several pairs of sweat pants with holes, several shirts with stains, and socks, too. (Instead of saving them for rags!) I get annoyed with the amount of junk mail I get despite being on the nonsolicitations lists because I try to recycle it all, then of course anything with personal information on it, I have to shred too.

We have lots of books, some still in the shrink wrap, but others just well read. I try to give stuff away but it is hard to get it together (find all the parts), then hide it until it is given away.

I am just rambling on, I don’t know if I will ever make much progress in this area, but thanks for helping me laugh about it.
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www.flylady.net

It’s saving my life!
 
HOPEFUL_IN_UK said:
Here’s a hint for those who may want to sneak bulkier items out of the house, particularly those that may actually be of value for someone: Freecycle.

Freecycle is your friend. It’s like Ebay or Craig’s List, only everything is free. All you do is list what you have and people (probably packrats) will come and take it away! Keeps the landfills less full and saves you the bother of finding a new home for it.

However, do NOT let your packrat know about Freecycle. If you do, you will regret it. They will be bringing home all sorts of horrendous things and you’ll be worse off than you were before.
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I am so afraid of the freecycle. So terribly afraid. For two reasons:
  1. I may think I neeeeeeed something listed on there.
  2. I will empty the entire house.
Actually I was going to go on and see if I could trade baby girl clothes for baby boy cloth diapering stuff.

Can I freecycle a chihuahua? LOL
 
Little_Bit_Mary said:
Every time I have a new baby the clutter takes on astronomical proportions, in between kids, I sometimes feel I am getting somewhere. Baby is now 8 months old and already crawling and walking along furniture. Sometimes I get some brilliant ideas, like if I moved the washer/dryer upstairs, then I could get the clean clothes put away (because I wouldn’t have to carry the baby and the clothes), then I think to do all that work and maybe she will be the last baby (I am 42 already). It’s hard to believe that the house was actually clean, the kitchen had all its surfaces free of piles when we had the Baptism when she was three weeks old.
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My clutter and mess gets worse with each child too. I am having another. In a few weeks. sigh Bring it on, bring on the MESS! :eek: :cool: :eek:

Welcome to the forums by the way! We have a pretty great group of people…
 
KCtheMommy said:
Mine too! Which I think MercyGate and I are having such a good chuckle in this exchange.
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My daughter, a single Flybaby, lives 3000 miles away – (only she’s a BO). Quite by chance, both of us broke the home blessing hour into 3 sessions and do it on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings along with the daily missions. It was fun to find out that we do it the SAME!

Having lived with DH throughout her childhood she’s a ruthless, reactive, tosser. A one bedroom apartment doesn’t allow for accumulation of junk.
 
I am cracking up reading these posts! I have been married for 38 years to a pack rat and can relate to all of it! Listen, my husband once brought home all the pipes from a PIPE ORGAN that was in a church that was being torn down. He put them in the garage, and there they stayed for YEARS, until we moved. We never had a car in that garage. We got married in 1969 and he saved every single returned check we ever wrote until about 3 years ago-- thousands of them!

We had some bad storms a few years ago with tornado warnings and everything, and I went down to the basement with my grandaughter and promptly decided it was safer upstairs because of the things that were piled everywhere, teetering and tottering, just waiting for a little jolt to knock them over on us. I don’t know what the answer is, because nothing to get rid of his clutter has ever worked. I just insist it be confined to a few places, but it is UNBELIEVEABLE. My house looks fairly neat, but don’t open the garage dooor, go down the basement, or into the spare room. And you are taking your life in your hands if you open a closet. It will be this way until I die, then my kids will have to clean it up, I guess.
 
CB_Catholic said:
I am cracking up reading these posts! I have been married for 38 years to a pack rat and can relate to all of it! Listen, my husband once brought home all the pipes from a PIPE ORGAN that was in a church that was being torn down. He put them in the garage, and there they stayed for YEARS, until we moved. We never had a car in that garage. We got married in 1969 and he saved every single returned check we ever wrote until about 3 years ago-- thousands of them!

We had some bad storms a few years ago with tornado warnings and everything, and I went down to the basement with my grandaughter and promptly decided it was safer upstairs because of the things that were piled everywhere, teetering and tottering, just waiting for a little jolt to knock them over on us. I don’t know what the answer is, because nothing to get rid of his clutter has ever worked. I just insist it be confined to a few places, but it is UNBELIEVEABLE. My house looks fairly neat, but don’t open the garage dooor, go down the basement, or into the spare room. And you are taking your life in your hands if you open a closet. It will be this way until I die, then my kids will have to clean it up, I guess.
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Our daughter tells us that we have to live forever because there is no way she is going to be stuck with this mess!

Like you, the “habitation” rooms of the house are actually quite lovely. It’s just the closets, basement, attic and garage.

OK: WHAT can we do to move these dudes? Maybe they’re all Mormons – living on their own planet.
 
Our town has a trash clean up week. You can set nearly anything on the curb and the trash man will take it away. It is always a battle. I toss out as much as I can and my husband drives around and finds everyone elses stuff to bring home. This year he brought a snow blower home. It doesn’t work so I dropped it off at the repair shop. This is a good year. In the past he has brought home more than I got rid of.
 
dkoinzan said:
Our town has a trash clean up week. You can set nearly anything on the curb and the trash man will take it away. It is always a battle. I toss out as much as I can and my husband drives around and finds everyone elses stuff to bring home. This year he brought a snow blower home. It doesn’t work so I dropped it off at the repair shop. This is a good year. In the past he has brought home more than I got rid of.
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So how do you handle the obvious problem that you have no “right” to toss out “his” stuff?

I barely survive the squabbles when I throw out something of MINE and he brings it back in the house, and I throw it out again. The rule is: you tossed it, so I found it, so now it’s mine and you have no control of it. My foot hit the floor on THAT one and he’s just going to have to deal with the fact that nothing (of mine) that I throw out will EVER be allowed back in the door.
 
dkoinzan said:
Our town has a trash clean up week. You can set nearly anything on the curb and the trash man will take it away. It is always a battle. I toss out as much as I can and my husband drives around and finds everyone elses stuff to bring home. This year he brought a snow blower home. It doesn’t work so I dropped it off at the repair shop. This is a good year. In the past he has brought home more than I got rid of.
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Ah, yes…Saving other people’s garbage.
My stepfather, & the man next door never bought a new bulb for the outside lights in their lives. They would:rolleyes: stop every time they saw the guys who work on the roads, up in their little buckets changing the bulbs in traffic lights. Then they brought them home & recycled them on the porch, on the back of the house, in the garage…“Free outdoor light bulbs! Isn’t this great??”…
Yes, you **do **have to change them every time you turn around.They weren’t taking out NEW ones; these were ready to blow any minute…One of them–I’m still not sure which-- picked up a rusted out old Cosco stepstool/chair from someone else’s junk, & they both used it to stand on while they changed the yard lights.🤷 🤷 (Do you have any idea how much more electric power you need to burn, to use one of those behemoth bulbs instead of a nice regular outside-use light bulb?)
 
mercygate said:
So how do you handle the obvious problem that you have no “right” to toss out “his” stuff?

I barely survive the squabbles when I throw out something of MINE and he brings it back in the house, and I throw it out again. The rule is: you tossed it, so I found it, so now it’s mine and you have no control of it. My foot hit the floor on THAT one and he’s just going to have to deal with the fact that nothing (of mine) that I throw out will EVER be allowed back in the door.
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I’m not a very nice person. I don’t know if my take on it is good, but I’d tell him that the space occuppied by the offending item is MINE and I want THAT SPACE BACK.

Also, if I were married to a packrat, I would absolutely be sneaking things out of the house. I’d throw away “his” stuff. Because I have a right to an orderly, safe, and peaceful home.
 
mercygate said:
Our daughter tells us that we have to live forever because there is no way she is going to be stuck with this mess!

Like you, the “habitation” rooms of the house are actually quite lovely. It’s just the closets, basement, attic and garage.

OK: WHAT can we do to move these dudes? Maybe they’re all Mormons – living on their own planet.
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Well sooner or later they are going to have to find their own planet, because they are running out of room on THIS one!!!
 
We have a 3 car garage. With no cars in it.

My husband has electronic parts every where!

Books? I never see him read! Books everywhere!

But my pet peeve?

All the receipts he saves then folds into a little square and puts in his wallet then when the wallet gets full he puts them in drawers. Any drawer!

Then I have to unfold them to make sure they are not important ( because he says they might be) and then I have to shred them!
I have bags of “little squares” that he was suppose to shred that he hasn’t!

The “little squares” are mating can you hear them? SSSSH! Listen!! That is the sound of “little squares” multiplying!

I’m not crazy.

I hear them.

I do.
 
You don’t really have to open and read the receipts. If you’re worried about privacy, then burn them or put them in a bucket and get them wet, then toss them. Nobody will be able to open/read them, then.

You have a right to throw them away. You can give him a deadline: put them all in a box and say, “I’m going to throw these away on Monday. Please go through and make sure that there’s nothing truly important in there.” Then, follow through. If he takes them out of the box and tries to reinstate them in your home, then throw them away. If he gets angry, tell him, “If they were important to you, you would have dealt with them.” Then, just drop the subject and leave him to be angry if he wants to.

You have a right to the space they are occupying. You have a right to a clean, safe, and sanitary home.
 
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