Advice on disciplining cranky 15 yr. old

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lillith
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Lillith

Guest
Hey guys!

I have a 15 yr. old daughter that has always been cranky in the morning, ever since she was a baby, I knew better than to talk to her until say 10:00a.m…she just is not a morning person.

This morning I had to take her to school early so that she could get with a teacher and discuss some homework that she didn’t quite understand. I had a trouble sleeping last night bad…up until 4:30a.m…back up at 7:45a.m…so I’m grouchy.

There was a beachball in the front passenger seat of the van, and she kicked it over to my side of the car. “Kate” I said…she said “I was just trying to pick it up” (really snotty)…I said "well you don’t pick up a ball by kicking it in the drivers side…I’m trying to drive here. (sorta snotty…well maybe real snotty)…I got to thinking about her tone to me and it mad me angry. When I was a kid I could never have talked to my mother with any such of a tone, and I should have addressed that, but instead I told her that I was going to wake up and talk to her every mornng from now on until she becomes more human in the a.m…I told her she shouldn’t be so rude since I was doing her a favor…and then I got smart alec (remember I’m grouchy) and said as it was her turn to get out of the van “have a good day princess Kate”

She gave me a you die look and slammed the van door (I despise that!). I honked the horn for her to return and apologize and she ignored me totally (now I’m really mad)…I gave her a cell phone so she could call me and tell me what time to pick her up this afternoon because she had some sort of beta club meeting and I left a message “girl…I don’t know quite what I’m going to do yet but you are in trouble for sure”

Now I am in a quandry. I feel kinda guilty because I lost it, but I have to do something. I want to call her back and leave a message apologizing for my part, but that feels weak as a parent

She has a youth group mtg. at the catholic pastoral center, they are going to watch “what dreams may come” eat pizza and discuss the movie…and I really want her to go to that, so I don’t want to ground her…

What would you do in that situation…Gosh.
 
sounds like she needs to go to bed earlier. my normally docile daughter was a bear when she missed sleep. You do realize her entire purpose in life is to get a reaction out of her, don’t giver her the satisfaction.
 
I really value your advice (and anyone else that has raised a child to adulthood) This is my oldest and I feel freaked out at each new stage she enters.

Yes, I noticed that she likes to get my goat, so to speak. So…I should not call her back and leave a message apologizing…I should let her stew on what her discipline might be, and I should make her go to bed early tonight as discipline? I like that idea!

I didn’t want to add to the stress of her day, because she is a very motivated student and attends school like it is a job, and so my heart tells me to call her and leave a message saying something…I don’t know…

Is apologizing a weak thing for a parent to do, or is it a teaching oppurtunity?..
 
Oh just pray for her, I remember being that way as a teenager some days, my mother and father just ignored it and prayed, if they had egged me on or argued with me I probably would have got worse. They were very wise. My teenagers were pretty good too, and I handled the tough times with prayer too, some days were better than other’s. Once I remember one of my son’s called me a very bad name, once, I lost it, I was going to slap his face, but…I knew that wouldn’t help, I think the look of shock on my face really affected him. He immediately apologized and never ever said anything like that to me ever again. (and that was the worse I had to endure.) Thank God. Sometimes I think we all look for reasons to “fight”, its not a good idea. Just pray and talk to her later in the day when you are both in a better mood. That’s my best advice anyway.
 
Teenagers are like 2 year olds, they will test their limits with you. Just like 2 year olds they need and want bounderies. Privlegde removal is one of the best ways (I found) to deal with teens my kids are now 27, 20 and 17. The oldest being a girl and she tested me to no end. She loved the phone (mind you that when she was younge had only wall phones and no cells so it was easier,) ground her from it. The little sneak, would wait to we went to bed and call friends. So we removed them from the walls and put it under our bed. We only kept the phone in our room plugged in for emergencies. I could write a book on this one. But she’s a mommy now and understand what she put us through:p
 
40.png
Lillith:
Is apologizing a weak thing for a parent to do, or is it a teaching oppurtunity?..
Click to expand...
I think apologizing for our mistakes makes us better parents, and is definitely a teaching opportunity! We want them to honestly admit their mistakes, so we should do the same.

After putting in my 2 cents, I have to tell youI only have toddlers, so you can take or leave my opinion. 🙂

Janelle
 
Our son will be 15 in a few weeks, you have my prayers 🙂

Try to remember what it was like to be a 15 year old - I know I would not want to be 15 again.
 
40.png
janelle:
I think apologizing for our mistakes makes us better parents, and is definitely a teaching opportunity! We want them to honestly admit their mistakes, so we should do the same.
Click to expand...
Agree 100% with this one. I just finished reading a book called “Why Christian Kids Rebel” and the author speaks about this very thing. I’m gonna have to bump my posting about that book…
 
40.png
janelle:
I think apologizing for our mistakes makes us better parents, and is definitely a teaching opportunity! We want them to honestly admit their mistakes, so we should do the same.

After putting in my 2 cents, I have to tell youI only have toddlers, so you can take or leave my opinion. 🙂

Janelle
Click to expand...
Janelle…your advice is relevent and good…because you were a 15yr. old probably not that very long ago! 😉
 
SO…I should call her and leave a message apologizing for my part but tell her the she’ll be getting her hiney in bed earlier tonight?
 
40.png
Lillith:
SO…I should call her and leave a message apologizing for my part but tell her the she’ll be getting her hiney in bed earlier tonight?
Click to expand...
That is exactly what I’d do! One thing for which I am greatful, DS has always been a good sleeper, he goes to bed on his own between 9 and 10. He does not even wake up to answer the phone after he hits the bed (and some of those kids ring the phone at 1 am on a school night!)
 
Your daughter sounds JUST LIKE ME when I was her age! Even my mom said that she couldn’t talk to me until about 10AM!

Here are my suggestions:

#1. Don’t make her go to bed early, but rather suggest that she do so. Say “Kate, if you go to bed at least a half hour earlier, you’ll feel so much better in the morning.”

#2. Don’t call attention to her bad moods, and don’t make a big stink about it. My mom always complained to other people in front of me about my moods, so I always felt that was what made me who I was.

#3. Set up times when she can have the bathroom or other common areas to herself in the morning. If you have other kids, let her use the bathroom first, then let the others use it. I think 20 mins should be sufficient.

#4. Ignore her! Say as little as possible! If she cops an attitude, ignore it! Asking her to apologize when she’s still cranky will not heed a heartfelt apology. If I was really bad one morning, I’d come home after I had calmed down and apologize to my mom.

It gets better. I’m no longer a crank nowadays. I go to bed earlier and also I just plain got over it. It doesn’t last forver! And when she’s older you both can laugh at the morning memories together. 😃
 
40.png
Lillith:
Janelle…your advice is relevent and good…because you were a 15yr. old probably not that very long ago! 😉
Click to expand...
Thanks for the complement, but actually it’s been a good 16 years since I was 15. We just got started late. 😃
 
Well…for better or worse, I called my child :o

I want to tell you that I feel so much better! I told her that I was sorry for being a grouch and that she and I should both get our butts to bed earlier tonight, and I hope she has a good day.

I love all the advice I got…stratus Rose…TY…'cause there is hope for a grouchy morning person!

I decided when Kate was two that I was not going to do any discipline that made me feel punished…so I quit spanking…because it made me feel so bad, and why should I feel bad…I didn’t do anything wrong! And today, same thing…I was just as in the wrong as she was…so I apologized. It just feels right in my heart, and hopefully she will learn the value of owning up to her wrongs through me owning up to mine.
 
Suggestions:

Cut out caffeine & junk food.
Set a bed time, no phone/tv/computer in her room.
Take her to the doctor to check for sleep disorders.

She only does what you allow. Put your foot down. If she pulls that sort of cr*p at work she’ll get fired, at college she’ll get ejected from class.
 
40.png
Lillith:
Is apologizing a weak thing for a parent to do, or is it a teaching oppurtunity?..
Click to expand...
I think apologizing will show her that we all make mistakes and lose our tempers, and when we do, we should apologize. No one would suggest you get in the habit of apologizing each time she is gets in trouble, but in this case maybe it’s worth while.
 
Steph…I totally agree…I apologized this time because I was in the wrong along with her…but if I hadn’t lost my cool I sure as heck would not have!!

1ke…she is in bed usually by Ten…but last night she…washed her face, popped her zits, and painted her nails…stretching it to 10:30… 😉

She isn’t allowed computer access…I don’t have any junk food in the house…I will be making her start her bedtime ritual at 9:00 tonight and hopefully have her in bed by ten…
 
I think the apology was a good idea too. Our kids need examples on how to be humble. This was a perfect opportunity to provide that example to her- because the situatation escallated because of two cranky people. 😉

I would be curious to see how she reacts now. If she responds in kind- you’ve don’t have much to worry about. A young person who can humble themselves following example- won’t have far to go to learn to do it on their own.
 
I’d have to say that your daughter is exactly like I am in the morning. Actually, when i told my mom that i had to get up at 6 to get to classes, she laughed and said she could never see me doing that because nobody would be left in class at the end of it…i would’ve killed them all. Somehow I manage but I’m just not a morning person.

Give her some space in the morning, and don’t be snotty back to her. Chances are she isn’t thinking clear enough and probably doesn’t realize that she is being that cranky at all.
 
Lillith–I too have a teenaged daughter and I struggle with very similar scenarios. But I tend to “nip things in the bud”. I know that when I was a teenager that if I got away with something then I would continue that behavior. So with my daughter, bad behavior gets noticed and dealt with. We tell her when she is behaving unacceptably and she is told the consequences of continued bad behavior. I don’t want her to be under any allusions that she got away with something and can continue that behavior in the future. She is a great kid but still I think it is important to let her know when she oversteps bounds. Usually, her behavior shapes up immediately after my husband and I make it clear what was unacceptable and why.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top