Advice on faith and family planning

[beth804]

Thank you for reading my post–I’m a new member searching for some advice. I’ve been married for 20 years, and we have 4 children, the last 2 conceived while using NFP (although my husband and I are well trained in it, without getting too personal, my signs are often very unclear). We are very happy to have our children, of course, but with each pregnancy my morning sickness and postpartum depression become more severe, to the point that it became dangerous to the health of myself and my unborn baby. My doctor strongly recommended use of ABC, and in my exhaustion and depression, I accepted it. My husband (cradle Catholic) and I had tried abstinence, and it caused a lot of tension and unhappiness in our relationship. He has seen how much I suffer during my pregnancies and in the postpartum period, and thinks that God would have mercy on me for trying so hard for so long to keep the Church teachings. However, Church teaching says He would not. I have tried prayer, I’ve asked for so long for the strength to continue with NFP and any pregnancies that might result, but the strength hasn’t come. I had been very active in our parish, but knowing that I’m now in a state of mortal sin, I’ve stopped attending church with my family. I can’t be a member in good standing of the Church while using ABC, but I am not exaggerating when I say I can’t face another pregnancy.

I miss the Church, especially Our Blessed Mother. It hurts me to know that I can’t be right with God because of this, when I’ve tried so hard and sacrificed so much and agonized over this, especially when so many Catholics use ABC without a second thought. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone else been in this situation, or have any suggestions? Thank you again for reading this, and for any advice you can offer.

 

[Em_in_FL]

First off - I’m so sorry you are struggling with this. I know it can be so overwhelming feeling “trapped” like that.

What method of Natural Family Planning did you use?
Have you ever considered a different method?
I know many women who have found that changing methods has helped make their signs easier to understand. Plus, as we age our bodies change (especially after having children), it’s certainly not unheard of to have confusing signs.

There are many NFP methods available, though you may have to put forth some effort to get educated in other methods. I know it can be challenging to find teachers and classes in your area, so if you do a little research you may be able to find at-home courses or online materials that can help you.

Here are a few resources by method:

Sympto-Thermal Method
nfpandmore.com/
ccli.org/

Creighton Model
creightonmodel.com/

Marquette Method
nfp.marquette.edu/

Billings Method
boma-usa.org/

Also, I highly recommend looking to see if there are any NFP-only physicians in your area (sadly, there are none in my area!), but they may be able to really help guide you in the right direction and give you the support you need. There is a good directory of NFP-doctors here:
onemoresoul.com/nfp-directory

God bless you - don’t give up!!!

 

[anruari]

Beth

Many Many people sin in many many ways. That does not make it Right, not reduce your or my culpability if we commit the sin, knowing what the Truth is.
Don’t let that faulty logic sway your decision. (the logic of: “But everyone else is doing it…”)

It is vital to realise that other than a total sterilization, no form of ABC is 100% effective.
Almost all abortions are sought by women who were already using some other form of ABC.
So the pill wont stop you from having another baby.

There are many variations of NFP. Some are very simple rules, and not a whole lot more complicated than the Rhythm Method, Others are highly sophisticated and provide additional guidance for people who need to have an increased level of confidence in the chances of fertility.

I’m not an instructor, but my understanding of the Billings method, and the similar Creighton method, is that between menstruation and your identified “Peak Fertility” day, if you follow the “Rules” correctly, then your chances of conception are low.
However if a very high level of confidence is required, then all these days can be considered to be “Wait” days.
Which ever method is used to identify ovulation, the safest method of NFP for avoiding conception, is to abstain between the start of heavy menstrual flow, and 3 days after a positively identified time of “Peak Fertility”.
If using a compound method such as the Sympto-thermal or a method that measures hormone levels, the Prediction of ovulation can then be confirmed by the subsequent rise in hormone levels just after ovulation. (Or other indicators)

Once this has been positively identified, and the appropriate number (3 i think) of “Wait Days” has passed, you will have 10 - 11 days of infertility until the start of your menstruation. Provided the ovulation is properly identified, these following days are VERY VERY safe as times when you do not need to abstain, and your chances of conception are comparable to the chances of being the only all balls winner in a major Lottery. (i-e in the region of 8 billion to 1 against)

This variation (I recommend you research it properly: I am not an instructor in any method) gives better protection than almost all forms of ABC, and still leaves just under half the month available for intimacy.

Long term abstinence sucks. I know. My wife and I have had some long periods of total abstinence due to medical reasons. But when you do need to abstain, I recommend that you both seek other (non sexual) forms of intimacy, and make sure the other is not feeling rejected or unwanted. This definitely helps.

 

[jmj777]

I can completely relate to your situation. I could have written the same post. My advice is to persevere in your prayer life and if you can try go to Confession often for an increase in graces and strength to overcome. Above all – come back to Church. Remember Jesus came for the sinners in need of healing! Don’t allow the evil one to trick you into thinking you do not belong there. Go to Mass, even if you don’t receive. Never underestimate the value of the sacrifice of the Mass! The highest form of prayer! May God bless you and Our Lady keep you!

Peace be with you.

+JMJ+

 

[7armyrugrats]

Have you tried using a fertility monitor at all? There are a few different types on sale and at various prices as well. I used the OvaCue very successfully to avoid for three years even though I had no success with other methods of NFP. During one of our many moves, my monitor broke and we took it as a sign from God that we no longer needed to avoid (that, and my husband was deploying so abstinence would replace the monitor anyway), but I am positive it would still be working successfully if we hadn’t crushed it. It is very simple to use, you just place the sensor on your tongue each morning until the monitor beeps. You are given a reading of fertility, so you can decide how strictly you choose practice. We averaged only 5 -7 days of abstaining each month, but if we were more determined to avoid we would abstain about 10 days. It’s great because my husband could check the monitor’s reading at anytime to help him decide if he should initiate something or not instead of me needing to “shoot him down” each time.

I will pray for your family. Hope you all find where God wants you to be.

 

[CradleJourney]

Thank you for reading my post–I’m a new member searching for some advice. I’ve been married for 20 years, and we have 4 children, the last 2 conceived while using NFP (although my husband and I are well trained in it, without getting too personal, my signs are often very unclear). We are very happy to have our children, of course, but with each pregnancy my morning sickness and postpartum depression become more severe, to the point that it became dangerous to the health of myself and my unborn baby. My doctor strongly recommended use of ABC, and in my exhaustion and depression, I accepted it. My husband (cradle Catholic) and I had tried abstinence, and it caused a lot of tension and unhappiness in our relationship. He has seen how much I suffer during my pregnancies and in the postpartum period, and thinks that God would have mercy on me for trying so hard for so long to keep the Church teachings. However, Church teaching says He would not. I have tried prayer, I’ve asked for so long for the strength to continue with NFP and any pregnancies that might result, but the strength hasn’t come. I had been very active in our parish, but knowing that I’m now in a state of mortal sin, I’ve stopped attending church with my family. I can’t be a member in good standing of the Church while using ABC, but I am not exaggerating when I say I can’t face another pregnancy.

I miss the Church, especially Our Blessed Mother. It hurts me to know that I can’t be right with God because of this, when I’ve tried so hard and sacrificed so much and agonized over this, especially when so many Catholics use ABC without a second thought. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone else been in this situation, or have any suggestions? Thank you again for reading this, and for any advice you can offer.

I am so sorry for the pain and struggle you are going through. Please don’t go through this alone - my suggestion is to find a priest or spiritual director who is able and willing to truly listen to you, and help you figure out how to deal with this. It may seem like you’re stuck in a catch-22 situation (been there myself), but you may not be as trapped as you feel. God loves us so much and He is the God who makes ways - not one who asks the impossible.

Your health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) are incredibly important to Him, as is your marriage. So pray, talk to someone who is a faithful Catholic willing to listen to your concerns and fears and willing to help you explore your options so that you can return to peace and joy in God.

I understand not attending church with your family - but if it’s possible, maybe for the moment you could try attending mass in another parish on your own? Even when I attended without receiving communion, I have found that simply attending can help me on my journey.

((HUGS))