Advice on feeling trapped

[duskyjewel]

Well, that does seem reasonable. So the other stuff is like pick-up games, unpedictable, sporadic, and not seriously infringing on time spent together?

I agree then, that you need to stand up for yourself, but not like what Gaurdian suggested. But also talk to your wife about why she feels she needs to act this way. Most of this kind of thing is rooted in fear, and you two need to find a way to get her past that into a healthy, secure place.

 

[hasikelee]

Oh, and I wanted to add, perhaps she isn’t going all crazy on you…perhaps this is just a simple misunderstanding.

I have a ton of fun hanging out with my hubby and I love doing everything with him…shopping, cleaning, reading, go out to eat, etc. I don’t feel insecure if he is with other people, I simply love doing activities all the more because I am doing them with him.

(It’s a great exercise motivator!)

In other words, I see him as my main form of companionship and comradeship.

So, sometimes I forget that he wants to spend the evening doing his own thing and spending time alone. Or, I overlook his relationships with other people, such as guy friends who want to celebrate a guy’s b-day with football and beer.

This only becomes an issue for us because I am a go-go-go person. I like every day planned out with lots of fun activities and I “tell” him what they will be. He appreciates this practice, but sometimes feels unable to speak up about other activities.

Fortunately, we’ve worked out a method for making sure each of us has equal say and we’ve compensated for one person being exuberant and the other person being subdued.

Maybe this is all you need to do…

 

[strngrnrth]

To the OP:
Your desire to spend a night a week with your friends is entirely normal.
If I were you, I’d smother her with attention on the other six nights until she gets sick and tired of it. Maybe that way she’ll be glad to get rid of you for an evening!

That might not work. I tried doing absolutely sickening gooey stuff with my exbf like staring up close into his eyes with mine all bugged out and fllowing him around making squeak toy noises and talking baby talk – he liked it and said it was too bad I didn’t do that all the time – said it was “beautiful” for the few “seconds it lasted”. Some people just need more attention than thre is time in the day to receive attention in. They are literal bottomles pits. They think they’re “playing it cool” when they’re being clingy and pursuing you and then when they feel secure they really let out all the neediness.
Nothing works in that case. Everything backfires because they think they are starving and therefore they see themselves as victims all the time.

 

[drafdog]

Seems to me that the ceremonial had both of you promise something about “forsaking all others.” If she isn’t forsaking all others, she isn’t holding up her end of the promise. Sounds as though there is a lot of involvement with her family. What about being involved with your family? You need to get some balance here.

Matthew

 

[GStewart]

You are the Head of the Household, she is NOT, period.

This information below will help guide you and your wife.

scripturecatholic.com/
scripturecatholic.com/husband_headship.html

I have seen a lot of people change drastically after marriage as if one spouse believes they have an actual license over the other one. God gave everyone free will. She is NOT a co-CEO If she does not want to live and trust in you, then set her free before she really traps you by having children, that adds way more complexity to the equation of life.

Marriage is a man and women coming together to give of each other the way Christ gives to His Church and people. If she is not able to get her head around giving of herself, you will not be able to force her or change her. Let her go and find someone who will give of themselves.

Once you are married, you have taken a lifelong vow to that person til ‘death do you part’. This advice to ‘let her go and find someone else’ would be breaking a vow you made to God. Pray, communicate, and God will give you the graces you need as He promised when he made matrimony a holy sacrament.

 

[whatevergirl]

I just want some advice. I am getting frustrated with my wife because I feel she doesn’t allow me to do anything without getting her approval. She puts guilt on me if I want to go to just play a pickup football game with my friends for an hour or two, or just to do normal things. I’m always willing for her to go do her things she wants to (shopping and when she wants to visit her friends) and I feel we do quite a bit together. We are very involved with her family as to go to her brother’s bball games and she informed me all tournament games I must go to, no question.

She does work second shift, We do work opposite shifts so I do understand to a point, but she offers nothing to do when she wants to do something, which is hard for me because I am a busy body. I just get the feeling of her being CEO instead of Co-CEO. We’ve been married for a little under a year and I just pray it gets better!

Hi johnny;

I’m sorry this is happening–I can see where you are feeling mothered, and perhaps trapped. I think, like the others have advised…maybe set aside some quality time to discuss what is at the heart of these requests. (demands) I don’t believe that once two people marry–their friendships and hobbies need to go out the window. The majority of our time should be spent nurturing our marriages, but one spouse shouldn’t be demanding things over another, and treating him/her like a child. Now we are only hearing your side of the story–there are two sides to every coin, as we know, but for face value, I would say that you should have a heart to heart with her–and that you are feeling, quite frankly, mothered, and that is not healthy for a marriage. My husband goes to watch a football/hockey game with a friend/brother now and again–and I go to the mall now and again with friends. Nothing at all wrong with this. Nothing. Not having any friends can be problematic. I could see if you were asking weekly, or constantly–but your requests sounds ‘normal’ to me, so I think you need to express your thoughts to her, and see where it leads. Good luck to you! I have a feeling you’ll get to the bottom of it, sooner or later, and things will improve. Don’t be afraid to confront issues like this…because if you don’t…you’ll only grow resentful of your wife.

You both are in my prayers.

 

[whatevergirl]

You are the Head of the Household, she is NOT, period.

This information below will help guide you and your wife.

scripturecatholic.com/
scripturecatholic.com/husband_headship.html

I have seen a lot of people change drastically after marriage as if one spouse believes they have an actual license over the other one. God gave everyone free will. She is NOT a co-CEO If she does not want to live and trust in you, then set her free before she really traps you by having children, that adds way more complexity to the equation of life.

Marriage is a man and women coming together to give of each other the way Christ gives to His Church and people. If she is not able to get her head around giving of herself, you will not be able to force her or change her. Let her go and find someone who will give of themselves.

even though my husband is head of the household, he shouldn’t make demands of me that are unreasonable, either…hopefully, you didn’t mean it like it appears.

 

[cecilia97]

I bowl one night of the week when she is at work. But that is my only time that I have committed to. The rest of the time is with her. Sure, I don’t always spend time with her as in holding hands, but I am around the house with her talking with her.

Are your bowling group and the pickup football group you’re talking about all men?