Advice on growing feelings

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SillyZebra

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Hello all! I have a problem. I am a VERY shy person. Female single mom of a teenage daughter and I am at the tail end of a relationship that has fallen apart. I seem to always, in the past, become involed with the wrong people. Sometimes, really bad people who at first seemed wonderful, hiwever yhe vast majority of these past relationships have been with non-christians.
I am totally on fire for the Lord right now! I have absolutely Not been looking to get involved with anyone. That beening said,… there is a lovely gentleman who I have met and gotten to know some recently and I really care about him as a friend but those feelings are turning into more. He is fully aware of my situation with my ex, and has met my ex. I have been praying constantly for him and his wellbeing lately, but also for discernment. Are these feelings really more than just infatuation? I feel so at peace and so content when i am near him. I don’t lust after him but rather I desire to be near him. Lile I want to hear his voice and his laugh. I want to pray with him and worship with him. Okay,… so he is a hugger… he hugs all of his friends and fellow church members so I won’t read into that but it is so nice when he hugs me. Now I gave to be honest and say that I feel like I can, and I have, been able to tell him anything that is bothering me or that is on my mind— which is good because he is my sponsor into the church. This is what makes the situation so difficult for me. I don’t want to read into something that is nothing more than friendship affection. I am not accustomed to being around people who are good God fearing Catholics. But something happened the other day that made me wonder, and made me really see that my feelings are bedoming more than just friendly. He saw me vome into the church, and of vourse i Light up every time i see gim, and we hugged-- but while we were hugging he kissed the top of my head and told me he was so glad to see me. The only thing that made me pause was the kiss. I nearly melted.
I am far too shy to do or say anything about this…that is why i am here.
Please, tell me your thoughts on this. I feel like i am over analysing this because I am infatuated with this Godly man.
 
SillyZebra said:
Hello all! I have a problem. I am a VERY shy person. Female single mom of a teenage daughter and I am at the tail end of a relationship that has fallen apart. I seem to always, in the past, become involed with the wrong people. Sometimes, really bad people who at first seemed wonderful, hiwever yhe vast majority of these past relationships have been with non-christians.
I am totally on fire for the Lord right now! I have absolutely Not been looking to get involved with anyone. That beening said,… there is a lovely gentleman who I have met and gotten to know some recently and I really care about him as a friend but those feelings are turning into more. He is fully aware of my situation with my ex, and has met my ex. I have been praying constantly for him and his wellbeing lately, but also for discernment. Are these feelings really more than just infatuation? I feel so at peace and so content when i am near him. I don’t lust after him but rather I desire to be near him. Lile I want to hear his voice and his laugh. I want to pray with him and worship with him. Okay,… so he is a hugger… he hugs all of his friends and fellow church members so I won’t read into that but it is so nice when he hugs me. Now I gave to be honest and say that I feel like I can, and I have, been able to tell him anything that is bothering me or that is on my mind— which is good because he is my sponsor into the church. This is what makes the situation so difficult for me. I don’t want to read into something that is nothing more than friendship affection. I am not accustomed to being around people who are good God fearing Catholics. But something happened the other day that made me wonder, and made me really see that my feelings are bedoming more than just friendly. He saw me vome into the church, and of vourse i Light up every time i see gim, and we hugged-- but while we were hugging he kissed the top of my head and told me he was so glad to see me. The only thing that made me pause was the kiss. I nearly melted.
I am far too shy to do or say anything about this…that is why i am here.
Please, tell me your thoughts on this. I feel like i am over analysing this because I am infatuated with this Godly man.
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Please don’t get involved until your daughter is out of the house. He must be free to marry and so must you. Meaning there should be no canonical restrictions before you date.
 
I am actively seeking an annulment right now, but yes I am single. I was married to my child’s father but he left me for another woman years ago and we have since divorced. The most recent relationship I refered to is over as well.
 
You should not be dating until if and when your annulment comes through. Until then, stay close to God and ask him to help you figure out why you are drawn to the wrong men. Then, someday you will all ready to begin again if possible.
 
SillyZebra said:
I am actively seeking an annulment right now, but yes I am single. I was married to my child’s father but he left me for another woman years ago. The most recent relationship I refered to is over as well.
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You aren’t free to date until your annulment is confirmed.
Also, he must be free to marry.

But even with all of that I encourage you not to be quick to bring multiple men into a young daughter’s life. Example is key, and molestation rates are high.

You can wait.

Get your house in order so to speak.
 
Well, my daughter will be 18 in a few months and I completely agree that it is not the right time to date. I absolutely want my annulment completed first. When and if I become involved with anyone it will be a Godly Catholic man, but these feelings came up and I wanted to get some advise. I really appreciate you all! My poor choices in the past have been due to my own lack of faith and ungodliness. My life has truly taken a 180 degree turn and I am not looking back.

I guess what I am really concerned with is, even though I do not intend to do or say anything about my feelings until I have my annulment completed and give myself some time… am I reading too much into this?
 
SillyZebra said:
Well, my daughter will be 18 in a few months and I completely agree that it is not the right time to date. I absolutely want my annulment completed first. When and if I become involved with anyone it will be a Godly Catholic man, but these feelings came up and I wanted to get some advise. I really appreciate you all! My poor choices in the past have been due to my own lack of faith and ungodliness. My life has truly taken a 180 degree turn and I am not looking back.

I guess what I am really concerned with is, even though I do not intend to do or say anything about my feelings until I have my annulment completed and give myself some time… am I reading too much into this?
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You are reading more into this than is good for *you *right now, and that is all that matters.

Try to put some distance between you, not in an unfriendly way, but to keep any thoughts out of his mind. And try to keep thoughts of him out of your mind. It will be hard, but now is not a good time for this sort of thing.
 
Yes, I think this may be best. Thank you.

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughtful answers!
God Bless!!!
 
SillyZebra said:
Well, my daughter will be 18 in a few months and I completely agree that it is not the right time to date. I absolutely want my annulment completed first. When and if I become involved with anyone it will be a Godly Catholic man, but these feelings came up and I wanted to get some advise. I really appreciate you all! My poor choices in the past have been due to my own lack of faith and ungodliness. My life has truly taken a 180 degree turn and I am not looking back.

I guess what I am really concerned with is, even though I do not intend to do or say anything about my feelings until I have my annulment completed and give myself some time… am I reading too much into this?
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I’m going to be frank, and blunt. Know that I’m not trying to be harsh to be cruel.

Your entire premise is based on fleeting emotion in a highly charged emotional scenario where your RCIA sponsor is involved with a very intimate aspect of your life ( your faith) and he is in a position of leadership, and superiority.
In the past, you mentioned that you thought the guys you got together with were good and they ended up bad. So you in particular, have to be incredibly cautious to guard against what you describe as bad judgement in the past. You dont have the luxury of giving your instincts the benifit of the doubt.

Now, comes the other shoe. Your post reads like a young girl in love for the first time. You are a mom of a 17 year old girl that has a lot going against her because of your past relationships. She needs a mom who can logically bring her down to earth. Who can help her dicern a Godly good Catholic man, who can help her navigate a very pivotal time.
That is where your fire for your newfound faith should lead you. This would be proof of a true 180 turn in your life. A powerful example to someone who needs it.

Again, not trying to be mean, just offering a perspective and opinion with very little sugar…
And I am sorry about that.
 
Again, not trying to be mean, just offering a perspective and opinion with very little sugar…
And I am sorry about that.

I agree with you actually. All of this has been unexpected for me and has been rather surprising. I am a fairly logical person and that’s why I came here for advice…you all have said exactly what I have been thinking. Thank you for such good, honest and wholesome advise. Because my instincts have been poor in the past I am glad to see that I am on the right track this time…at least I am in agreement with everyone here so far including you! My focus is my faith and trying to be a good example for my daughter. As I said before these feelings caught me off guard and I have no intention of acting on them as the timing is horrible. Yes, I need to “clean house” before any romantic notions should be considered.
Thank you for your honesty. Oh, and please don’t apologise for stark honesty! There is so little of it in this world today that it feels like a breath of fresh air!
 
If he’s the right man he’ll understand and wait for you. In the meantime, work on yourself- counseling, spiritual direction, volunteer work/ministry, and of course focusing on your daughter.
 
I suggest keeping a journal, and writing and recording about your past and present and hopes for your daughter and your future.

People here at CAF have given you some very good advice. The only thing I can add, is when you can, make a novena, and I suggest St. Joseph is a very excellent patron saint for a lady.

I made a novena many years ago asking for St. Joseph’s intercession. I asked that he help me find my career and a good husband. He did both!

God Bless you SillyZebra.
 
Thank you, St. Joseph is a great source, this is a wonderful suggestion!
 
macstar said:
If he’s the right man he’ll understand and wait for you. In the meantime, work on yourself- counseling, spiritual direction, volunteer work/ministry, and of course focusing on your daughter.
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Oh goodness Yes! This is so very true!
 
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