Advice on husbands wandering eyes

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CaliSunshine

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I know that it is difficult for men to always control their thoughts when it comes to an attractive woman walking by. While this is a natural cross most (if not all) men to carry, it is still hard to wrap my head around it sometimes.

While randomly talking with my husband about emotionally cheating, we got on the subject of impure thoughts coming to his mind sometimes and how he actively needs to fight them. Probably not for the best, I asked him to elaborate on the thoughts. This sparked an argument and myself feeling very hurt and himself feeling very guilty.

While I trust my husband and know he is a good man, it is hard for me to know these sexually objectifying thoughts come to his head about random strangers from time to time.

I am seeking advice from fellow Catholic sister’s who deal with this.
 
Women do it too. It’s not a man problem, it’s a human problem.

I suggest you not ask your husband about this again.
 
St Joseph is a great Saint to chat with and pray to about marriage , family life and Chastity.
St Joseph is protector of the Universal Church and the home.

There are daily prayers, 9 day Novenas and 30 day novenas to St Joseph.

🙏
 
Do you think your husband would ever act on these thoughts? As in, are you worried he’s going to cheat on you?

Do you never have passing, transient thoughts about attractive men that you would never act on?
 
1ke said:
Women do it too. It’s not a man problem, it’s a human problem.

I suggest you not ask your husband about this again.
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This /\ no kidding.

Praying to St. Joseph is also a good idea.
 
I think it’s natural for you to feel hurt, but I don’t think it’s fair. A man could be married to a supermodel who meets every criteria of ultimate beauty (as defined by our culture) and he would still notice other women. It sounds like you’re calling him out for temptations… rather than actions. The temptations are impossible to avoid. Acting on them (or rather not acting on them) is what counts.
 
I know you asked for womens responses, but my wife said to me when I was (waaaaaay) younger: you’re married, not dead!

I have never considered cheating, but I do admire God’s craftsmanship! Nowadays, if its too much, I just take off my bifocals and, literally, evrrything is a blur!
 
twf said:
I think it’s natural for you to feel hurt, but I don’t think it’s fair. A man could be married to a supermodel who meets every criteria of ultimate beauty (as defined by our culture) and he would still notice other women. It sounds like you’re calling him out for temptations… rather than actions. The temptations are impossible to avoid. Acting on them (or rather not acting on them) is what counts.
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Well said.
 
1ke’s advice is spot on as usual.

Impure thoughts happen to everyone. However, there is a difference between getting a “fleeting thought” and then turning one’s attention elsewhere and dwelling on an impure thought.
 
There should be the courtesy of not following an attractive person with your eyes **in front of your spouse. ** Also, no one needs to hear any comments out loud, "Woo! Will you look at that one! ":rolleyes:

I told my husband a long time ago, if he is looking, I better not notice. It is disrespectful to me, and it would kill the fairytale that I am the only woman in the world to him. 😉
 
Remember even Jesus was tempted, instead of fighting with your husband try working with him to avoid falling for temptation, and unless you seriously think he is falling into temptation accept that he is going to remain faithful and trust him.
 
I have never been married, so take this from where it is coming from

However, I do think it is not really a good idea to ask a man to elaborate on this subject. After, we are all tempted to sin (sexual and non-sexual sins) and it is not an easy subject for anyone to talk about. Add in a hurt wife and it becomes a mess

Unless your husband has done something to give you cause for concern, I don;t think you should bring it up again.

However, I must admit, I am curious as to why you were discussing ‘emotional cheating’. That is something women struggle with more than men. Was it just a casual converstaion? Or is there a bigger issue in your marriage?

Angie
 
If he scans her up and down, or turns his head to follow her, a dope slap would be appropriate.

As well though, not asking questions which have a high likelihood of causing an argument if you don’t get a specific answer would benefit you/your relationship in the long run. Otherwise he will just start lying to avoid the conflict.
 
Don’t ask - don’t tell.

As long as he isn’t drooling or being otherwise obvious, it’s normal.
 
CaliSunshine said:
While this is a natural cross most (if not all) men to carry, it is still hard to wrap my head around it sometimes.
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Cali, I hope you don’t take this as beating up on you. I understand why your feelings were hurt…it’s just one of those things. I hope you guys move past it quickly.

But…I have to ask…is it REALLY that hard for you to grasp? Like, I know women tend to be less visually stimulated then men, but has it really never happened to you that you’ve been walking down the street, seen a guy you found attractive, and thought, “Wow, look at him…” I don’t mean followed him down the street drooling. I just mean a fleeting “bow chica wow wow” kind of thought.

I know this probably happens to men more than women, but I assumed women experienced it too.

I, for one, am under no illusions that my wife doesn’t find other men in the world attractive. Obviously, I trust her never to ACT on that attraction. But I’d be kidding myself if I thought she’d never noticed a guy in tight jeans or whatever.
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
I know this probably happens to men more than women, but I assumed women experienced it too.
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We sure do & you never get too old to appreciate a good looking guy. Bow chica wow wow indeed! 😉

I’ll have to admit I check out good looking old cars, too, but I don’t think it’s quite the same thing. With the cars I’m nudging my husband & saying “look at that!” 😃
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
Like, I know women tend to be less visually stimulated then men, but has it really never happened to you that you’ve been walking down the street, seen a guy you found attractive, and thought, “Wow, look at him…” I don’t mean followed him down the street drooling. I just mean a fleeting “bow chica wow wow” kind of thought.

.
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I actually know women who will point out a very good looking woman to their husbands. Both genders can appreciate good looks in both genders

‘Bow chica wow wow’ quite cathy 🙂
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
But…I have to ask…is it REALLY that hard for you to grasp?
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Based on the number of married women I know who refer to Chris Hemsworth in his character Thor as “yummy”… it is certainly not a stretch to know that women do the same thing. And how did Fabio get rich, famous, and American citizenship? Posing for romance novel covers.
 
1ke said:
Based on the number of married women I know who refer to Chris Hemsworth in his character Thor as “yummy”…
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I still remember scrolling down a thread all unsuspecting and coming across a picture of Orlando Bloom as Legolas. I think my heart stopped for a moment. Wow.
 
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