Advice on Marital Dilemma

[TJdolphin]

*I have been married for over 3 years now, and only since about 18 months ago have I rediscovered my faith and been strongly practicing. You could have described me as a “Cafeteria” Catholic most of my teens and early twenties. Just to be short, my problem is that the final meeting between the priest, my husband and me, we had to give him the baptismal certificates. My husband’s mom had died about two years before that time, and most of his records and documents no one really knew where they were. The priest was very accomodating, and just said he should go to the church where he was baptized, and have them fax a copy and it would be all OK. Now my husband’s mom was not the best mom in the world, and he was not raised as really any denimonation. So he had a hard time trying to actually find out where he was baptized, if at all

As the wedding got closer, I started to get stressed, especially about him not being able (and not trying all that hard) to get the baptismal certificate. At the time I really didn’t understand the reasoning behind it, I just wanted to get the things we were supposed to do, done. He finally faxed what I thought was his certificate over, but in reality he got his freind ( a graphic’s designer) to make one for him. I only know this now because he told me. He figured that it wouldn’t “matter” anymore. Now that I know alot more about my faith, I understand that it does make a difference, and my husband not being baptized would have changed things. It’s not that I am all that mad at him, because he (or me for that matter) didn’t understand what was going on. He just figured it would be easier to make one up because he thought I’d be “mad” at him because he really wasn’t baptised.

My problem is now what do I do now knowing this?*

 

[cathologos]

1. Don’t panic.
2. See your priest – together. If your husband’s baptismal status cannot be verified, that’s not an insoluble problem. He can be conditionally baptized (e.g., “If you are not already baptized, I baptize you, in the name of…”). It’s a standard option in RCIA, because the real baptismal status of non-Catholics can’t always be determined (some denominations, and many local churches, in America aren’t big on record-keeping).
3. As for what it may mean for the status of your marriage if your husband isn’t baptized (although my guess is you’re not going to be able to determine conclusively that he’s not – it’s often possible to determine if a person is baptized, from certificates/record, but the absence of those records doesn’t constitute proof that he’s not, which is why the “conditional” baptism is used) – again, don’t panic about it. Your priest will know how to straighten it out.

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

often mothers do record things in their family bible, and forget about it.

 

[LittleDeb]

I have been married for over 3 years now, and only since about 18 months ago have I rediscovered my faith and been strongly practicing. You could have described me as a “Cafeteria” Catholic most of my teens and early twenties. Just to be short, my problem is that the final meeting between the priest, my husband and me, we had to give him the baptismal certificates. My husband’s mom had died about two years before that time, and most of his records and documents no one really knew where they were. The priest was very accomodating, and just said he should go to the church where he was baptized, and have them fax a copy and it would be all OK. Now my husband’s mom was not the best mom in the world, and he was not raised as really any denimonation. So he had a hard time trying to actually find out where he was baptized, if at all

As the wedding got closer, I started to get stressed, especially about him not being able (and not trying all that hard) to get the baptismal certificate. At the time I really didn’t understand the reasoning behind it, I just wanted to get the things we were supposed to do, done. He finally faxed what I thought was his certificate over, but in reality he got his freind ( a graphic’s designer) to make one for him. I only know this now because he told me. He figured that it wouldn’t “matter” anymore. Now that I know alot more about my faith, I understand that it does make a difference, and my husband not being baptized would have changed things. It’s not that I am all that mad at him, because he (or me for that matter) didn’t understand what was going on. He just figured it would be easier to make one up because he thought I’d be “mad” at him because he really wasn’t baptised.

My problem is now what do I do now knowing this?

It sounds like this is a “disparity of cult” issue. When one person in a marriage is unbaptized it leads to a different description of the marriage. Here’s the run-down:

A Catholic marriage between two Catholics is considered a Sacramental marriage.
A Catholic marriage between two Christians when one is a different Christian denomination is still called a Sacramental marriage, but the paperwork acknowledging “disparity of cult” must be part of the process.
A Catholic marriage when one person is not Christian (ie Buddist, Hindu, Atheist) is called a Good and True marriage and the disparity of cult paperwork applies.

These are all canon law terms. I doubt most people even realize there is a difference. Civil law has it’s laws, and The Church has hers. If a Catholic marries outside the Catholic Church and then later applies for annulment it is usually granted due to “lack of canonical form.” That means that a Church law was not met.

I think your best bet is to humbly discuss with your priest. It sounds like your hubby just didn’t know what the paperwork was about. It was a severe error in his judgment but fear can do that to you. He might have thought that he couldn’t marry you without the baptismal certificate. As you have seen, it is very possible to marry an unbaptized person so someone should have made that clear to your hubby. It is serious enough to look into since it could be possible grounds for annulment. (Non-issue for you since you are not seeking annulment.) But, anything that could be grounds for annulment is a serious issue.

I’m not a canon lawyer, I just read up on this stuff a few years back. Good luck, God bless you and please let me know how it turns out. I’ll be praying for you. Welcome back to The Faith!