Advice on speaking with one's adult children on matters of their faith

[renelorio]

My children are ages 22, 25 and 28. The oldest, when pressed, has told me he does believe in God. My 25 years old, after 12 years of catholic schools before four years and a degree from a Jesuit college, doesn’t attend mass. My 22 year old daughter is engaged to marry next year. With the help of boyfriend’s father (who is studying for Permanent Deaconate) realized it is best to be married by a priest in a church. I pray every day for my children might have a deeper relationship with Jesus and grow an active faith. What advice might you have for me as to how to discuss faith and the church with adult children that do not seem to have an interest in faith?

 

[jmcrae]

I think the best thing to do is simply to live your own faith openly and without apology, but without insisting on them doing the same. They are adults and they have made their choices. You can no longer require them to go to Mass as you did when they were living with you, but you can make sure they see you going to Mass every Sunday, and make sure they know that they are welcome to come with you, should they so choose.

Also, speak freely and naturally to them about how God is working in your life, without dragging your witness kicking and screaming into just any conversation, but inserting it gently in the places where it naturally fits - for example, if you hear of someone in an accident or seriously ill, mention that you will pray a Rosary for their intentions, or if someone is sharing good news, express thanks to God for His blessings on us, and if someone is asking how your day is going, mention that God is with you in your day.

 

[stayathomemommy]

Stand firm, live your faith vibrantly, and pray fervently. Your zest for our Lord with easily come up when discussing what you are reading, retreats you are attending, powerful homilies you heard recently, and the hope is they will want that in their life. Depending on their personality and your relationship with them it may be counter productive to really push them to talk. But if they see your concern they might open up to you. If they live near you try and spend more time with them, they might be living in a world, surrounded by people without faith. If they are in close contact with you maybe it will keep them in touch with reality!

I always ask those who have already raised their children, “What would you do differently?”

I am in the midst of raising my young children and pray i will raise holy children that never leave the church. what things can i do that you did or didnt do to solidify their faith now?

 

[Rascalking]

Ma’am-

I’m 29, and was raised Catholic. I rebelled big time when I was younger, and still have that sense of rebellion in me.

What turned me off more than anything was my mother preaching to me through email, phone chats, personal face to face, etc. When your questioning something (which I am convinced is a natural part of the growth process) the last thing you want is someone just screeching at you and not paying attention to any of your claims.

If you can debate without getting angry, ask them why they are what they are. Do they seem to be falling under the influence of the new athiests? Do they have problems with suffering and existence? Do they think the Catholic church isn’t the true church, and that they might be Anglican, Methodist, Baptist…etc… Try to answer some of their questions to the best of your ability or point them to a book that can answer them. If they’re not interested, then love them like crazy, talk about whatever you can, and never forget to pray for them.

Preaching to them and acting holier than thou (And I am NOT accusing you of either ) is perhaps the worst thing you could do, aside from exiling them from your life.

Good luck.

 

[KCT]

Pray and sacrifice.

 

[churchsecretary]

Well, I can tell you what worked for me! I practiced as a Protestant for about 15 years, various denominations, before settling in as an Episcopalian for 10 of those years. I even got married in a Protestant church. My parents told me that they were glad that at least I was going to church, even if it wasn’t the church of their choice. Although they went to the baptisms of my three older children (all in Episcopal churches) they always went to Mass, too.

I agree with the other posters that any kind of harping is not going to work. Leading by a quiet, yet constant, example, does. AFter I was back in the church, my Dad told me that he had been praying for me for YEARS to come back–& the prayers were finally answered.

Now I have a 19 year old daughter who refuses to go to church. Forcing doesn’t work. So I pray for her. My 13 year old daughter is already beginning to question me on Church teachings–thankfully, she chose our parish DRE as her confirmation sponsor, so there is someone else to help answer a lot of the questions!

Keep on praying. I often pray to my daughter’s confirmation saint for her.

 

[Sr_Sally]

I agree that prayer and sacrifice (perhaps you could fast once a month for them?) is the best advice.

Also, speak to them as you would any other adult about your faith. Imagine what you would say to a young co-worker who asked about your faith or who expressed athestic thoughts. And realize that in some situations silence might be the best response.

Are you still in the same parish you were when they grew up? Perhaps some get togethers with devout families they knew from high school, a favorite priest, or someone similar. I wouldn’t make it a hugh big deal, but a simple bbq or other event that you might have in the normal way. Just a slightly different guest list!