Don’t rely on feelings. The devil can make you feel really good too, not afraid at all, and you are plainly under serious attack, having heard things that BOTH the Orthodox AND the Catholics would never tell you (such as that you’ve committed the unforgivable sin, or that you’re going to Hell for being Catholic). So now is a time to just not trust anything you hear and rely completely on God
in the absence of consolations or private revelations. Private revelations are superfluous, if you believe God’s Word in the Scripture, Tradition and Church. You don’t
need them, though they can help, but now is a time when they’re not helping and where trusting them or believing anything you hear from them is your greatest weakness. Once you’re out of the time of trial and are hearing things that all connect with the Church’s teaching, then you can begin thinking about whether or not some of these things are from God. But for now, just try to tell yourself, “I will not pay any attention to ANYTHING I hear in private revelation, OR to my feelings, but will rely on faith in the Church
in the will.”
Your thoughts about converting are not intellectual reasoning . . . they are entirely feelings and spiritual experiences. The Orthodox will be as quick as the Catholics to tell you that this is not reliable. I strongly recommend that you read, “Peter, Jesus and the Keys,” so that your
mind will be absolutely certain that Catholicism is true. For the testimony from Scripture and the Early Church is extremely clear on this point.
Here’s the link:
amazon.com/Jesus-Peter-Keys-Scriptural-Handbook/dp/1882972546
If you buy a used copy, it’s only $5, but if you get it new, it’s $20. Either price is pennies when set against the struggle you’re going through right now. Not that it will remove you from the trial – I’m sure the devil will simply throw something else at you if you debunk this one – but it will show your intellect plainly that Catholicism is the true faith.
The problem is that your feelings and spiritual experiences, which the devil is able to wreak havoc among right now, are not giving you good guidance, and you continue to give serious consideration to what comes to you through that form of communication.
STOP. Pray to God for the spiritual strength and faith to ignore ALL consolations and ALL private revelations. Rely on faith purely through the will while saying “humbug” to faith through the feelings. If you flee from ALL private revelations, feelings and spiritual experiences right now, you
will survive this trial

.
You’re in an extreme situation. The level of
self-abandonment the course I’m recommending would require is great. But God never intended that any Christian should have to rely on private revelation for guidance, or should have to discern which voice belongs to God. You don’t need to worry about that, because He has given
public revelation which addresses ALL the concerns you’ve been raising! God’s Word in public revelation is here for you, responding to all your problems. You can receive it and God’s will along with it if you reject all spiritual experiences and feelings and ignore every one of them, even if they’re from God. God won’t be angry at you for ignoring His voice given through private revelation (as St. Faustina and some of the other saints did). Ignore every voice and feeling you experience and cling to the Church alone until the trial ends. All this requires is your
will.
Pray to God that you might have the strength to always give your will to His Church and ignore all feelings and private revelations.
The biggest threat to you is your own personal reliance on feelings and private revelations. In other words, your biggest threat is yourself. If you can throw the “self” out of the equation by, in humility, abandoning all spiritual experiences and treating all of them with disregard, whether from God or the enemy, and cling solely to the Word of God as given in public revelation, you will then be established on rock rather than on the sand of personal discernment.
That sand of personal discernment and private revelation has sent hundreds of millions in contradictory directions. It sent Marcion and his followers in the Early Church into the grave heresy of taking multiple books out of the Bible and turning Christianity into Gnosticism. It sent Arius and the Arians into denying the divinity of Christ. It sent the Protestants into rejecting seven books of the Bible, throwing out Tradition and Magesterium and dividing into tens of thousands of contradictory theologies. Private revelation, when trusted above God’s public revelation, the faith “revealed once for all” (Jude 3) is the seed of chaos and spiritual disaster. Get away from it! Get away from all of them, and like St. Jerome, St. Faustina, St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas and all the others lovers of the Church, you will find that the Church is all you need and love! The Church holds that one revelation given “once for all,” and because that revelation was given “once for all,” you need nothing added to it.