Advice please!: Friend wants to get married for the wrong reasons

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lemonadish

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Hey everyone. So I have this friend (not Catholic, a Protestant evangelical “I’ve been saved” girl) who is almost 19 years old and in her first year of community college. She is finally dating this guy she’s liked for a really long time and they’ve been dating for about 9 months. A little bit of (important) background, she was obsessed with this guy when she was in 10th grade and he was in 11th and he didn’t feel the same. She tried to date him a couple more times over the following 2 years, was rejected each time, and in the meantime dated tons of guys just because she wanted to date someone. So now this guy FINALLY feels the same about her and they’re dating. As he lives 3 hours away from her, their entire relationship has been texting and phone calls and occasional weekend visits where they play house, sleep in the same bed, go “too far” (she’s an unchaste virgin, basically), spend the weekend drinking and lie about it all to her parents. She is quite literally obsessed with him, 24/7, all she talks about is him. And now she’s telling me she wants to marry him as early as this summer. I asked her why and it’s because she A) wants to be able to “express her love for him” by being able to have sex with him and B) wants to assure that he’s going to stay with her. But this is okay to her, because “she loves him and he loves her”. I think she’s stuck in the mindset of how it was in high school, her loving him and him not feeling the same way. So she wants to get married to make sure he does love her, I guess? I couldn’t tell ya.

This girl is my best friend and I don’t want her to make the mistake of marrying this guy for the wrong reasons. What should I do or say? Should I do or say anything?
 
I would, as calmly and dispassionately as possible, tell her what you told us.

It sounds like you are very skeptical of this guys feelings for her. If he doesn’t really love her, a wedding probably won’t make him more loyal.

they spend the weekend drinking? That can’t be good.

They really should waite. A long engagement never hurt anyone.
 
I’m sorry everyone to not have mentioned, he has expressed interest in marrying her. That’s the problem. She heard this and took off and won’t come back down to Earth. The other thing is he is lightly pressuring her into eloping to Vegas. Kinda in a “haha, just kidding” manner, but it’s pretty obvious he’s serious. I think he just wants the live-in wife and sex thing. Ughh.
 
As a friend, I think it is your responsibility to say something and talk some sense into her.

You should remind her of what an important step marriage is, and that she shouldn’t rush into it. It seems that she is infatuated and not really in love, and that their relationship is unhealthy. Clearly if she has been obsessed by him for such a long time, she can’t think straight right now because she’s just too happy to finally “have” him.

Like kesa said, tell her everything you told us. Make her realize that she is not getting married for the right reasons.
 
I was going to suggest that she talk to a good priest, but she is not Catholic. So, instead, I would suggest that she speak with her pastor. Hopefully, he will be able to give her the advice she needs.
 
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