Advice please on talking about receiving Communion

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Lovemyfaith

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I know a woman who has 20’s something daughter. Her daughter was baptized, but received no other Sacraments. The family does not practice any religion formally.
The woman told me her daughter has been attending Mass with a friend for the past few months. She said her daughter likes the stories (I guess the readings) and prayers, but wasn’t crazy about the other “hoopla”. She also said she thought her daughter received Communion, which to her was fine because Communion should be about what you feel your relationship with God is. She also said her daughter wasn’t hurting anyone, so it shouldn’t bother me. I told her to tell her daughter to speak to the priest, which I doubt will happen.
I am at a loss of what I can tell these “free spirits”. I would like to see the daughter go to RICA classes (which I also suggested) to learn the faith and then make a decision of if it is right for her. I cannot stress enough how nice this family is, and I would like to help them without coming across as judgmental. The mom also told me she feels people should practice many religions because it is better to have pieces of what you are comfortable with in your faith, rather than stick to one dogma.
Any advice please.
 
I’d say that each religion has a ‘culture’ of its own, loosely speaking - a whole bunch of often unspoken understandings and expectations that goes with it. In the case of Catholicism we’ve had 2,000 years to build up this culture. This includes our understanding of what the Eucharist is and is about, which is entirely different to that of many other Christian groups.

The ‘culture’ of a faith whose place of worship you visit needs to be acknowledged and respected the same way you’d acknowledge and respect the culture of a foreign country you were visiting. You go to Japan, for example, you learn to take off your shoes before entering a house, regardless of whether you’d do so at home. You respect their customs. You maybe even learn a little of the language and use it during your stay there.

Should be the same with any place of worship, whether Catholic or Pentecostal, Hindu, Buddhist or Muslim. Most people going to a Catholic mass soon learn, for one thing, to stand, sit and kneel at the correct times, and make the correct responses along with the rest of the congregation. They learn that people don’t shout ‘Amen’ or ‘Alleluia’ during the sermon (usually) as they do in other denominations. And they respect that, no matter what tradition they come from.

Why then not learn how we whose Mass it is view Communion and respect our views if WE see it as inappropriate for a non-Catholic to participate? It is, after all, our Communion, not a Baptist, Pentecostal or what-have-you Communion. Different philosophy behind it.
 
rciadan said:
Do you have access in any way to the daughter?
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Not really, without going through the mom. They live in another state. It looks like the daughter is going with a friend (female) who I am guessing is catholic. Before this, there was no formal religion (the mom has said parents should raise their children with the tools to choose what works for them) so I don’t want to risk turning the daughter away.
 
Lovemyfaith said:
Not really, without going through the mom. They live in another state. It looks like the daughter is going with a friend (female) who I am guessing is catholic. Before this, there was no formal religion (the mom has said parents should raise their children with the tools to choose what works for them) so I don’t want to risk turning the daughter away.
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jThen you may just want to ask the mother to forward some information such as a small pamphlet for some sort that explains what Mass is and the Ctholic understanding of what Communion is and how to receive it worthily.
 
since you don’t have contact with the daughter, but you do with the mother, who has a bushel of misinformation and misconceptions of her own that are in danger of harming her own spiritual health, why not be a good Catholic friend to the mother first? The sacramental status of the daughter is the province of the pastor and bishop where she resides, and as an adult, she, not her mother, will make her own personal decisions about that, so hope the friends she has their will guide her.
 
puzzleannie said:
since you don’t have contact with the daughter, but you do with the mother, who has a bushel of misinformation and misconceptions of her own that are in danger of harming her own spiritual health, why not be a good Catholic friend to the mother first? The sacramental status of the daughter is the province of the pastor and bishop where she resides, and as an adult, she, not her mother, will make her own personal decisions about that, so hope the friends she has their will guide her.
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Well, I think I do try to be a good catholic friend to the mother, but my explanations of what the teachings of the Catholic Church are on the reception of the Lord were just not getting through to her, which is why I asked for advice. My explanations were mostly about having an understanding of what the faith is about through RCIA. The mother’s idea is you can develope your own understanding and act on it. The mother and daughter are very close and live near each other, so the mother would encourage her daughter to do what she feels rather than what is taught. I find that to be a common practice these days, of picking what feels right to you, especially among people who feel they are living good lives.
As far as the daughter’s friend, I am hoping she will be a good influence, but I am not sure if she even knows the daughter has not received her Sacraments according to the church.
 
Pray for them—this is the best help you can give.

I would ask the mother if she would go to any place of worship and disregard the practices. She may not believe it is wrong, but she does not get to make the teachings.

Would she go as a guest to a country club and disregard the rules? Maybe eat in the pool or on the tennis court?

or go to a formal affair is shorts?

This is more a matter of respect, if she doesn’t believe. She does not think it is wrong.

You can only let her know the teachings. God doesn’t force anyone, and he could. There is no way you can enforce these teachings. You did the best you were able.

God bless you for caring enough to try.

Lux
 
Buy one of the following for your friend, as a gift to her:
  • Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2nd edition (1997 - green
    paperback) - $19.95
  • Catechism of the Catholic Church (Doubleday, 2003 - white hardcover - no glossary, smaller font) - $14.95
  • Compendium of the Catholic Church (USCCB 2005, paperback, 200 pgs.) - $24.95
  • Handbook for Today’s Catholic (A Redemptorist Publication by John O’Connor) - $4.95
You can probably find lower prices on the Internet, through amazon.com.

You won’t be able to make your friend read anything, but if it sits around for long enough, she (and her daughter) may pick them up and learn a little more about the faith.
 
quite frankly I don’t think the timing is right for buying CCC and other books for the mother, your friend. You will have more influence now by your own witness and prayer, You have already come along way by beginning to help her identify her “issues”, which you can then address one by one, in a personal way. For instance, showing, not in a long lecture but over time, how you came to your current understanding not alone, because your own efforts did not take you far enough, but through good teaching, listening, reading etc.

You will probably find that her real “issues” are much deeper and will take a lot of time and patience to uncover and address. Not that you are going to probe, but the more confident she feels in your friendship, and in your faith, the more likely she will be to ask for help, or express readiness to listen. Be prepared it may take years, and pray daily for her and her daughter.
 
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