Advice please on the Sin of Omission

[dostoyevskyfan]

In the past, I have been guilty of receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin, although at the time, I was unaware that I was compounding the offense. I am now aware of the severity of my past actions. At my former parish there did not seem to be a dress code and if I were a betting man, I would be willing to wager that over 50% of the people who received communion had not been absolved in confession or did not even know the meaning of the term “mortal sin” and what exactly constitutes it, since the church consisted primarily of young people. Do you think this is really a pervasive problem with respect to the average Catholic? There were no kneelers, and at one point, no crucifix. A few years ago I switched to a parish that offers the Tridentine Mass and am much happier there spiritually.

 Anyway, my question is: should I say anything to my Catholic friends who may, by no fault of their own, be ignorant of the finer points of the CCC? Many Catholic friends (and even family members) sometimes miss mass, engage in other mortal sins, and then receive communion anyway. Since mortal sin is characterized by being “committed with full knowledge, both of the sin and of the gravity of the offense” does that mean, through their ignorance, they are NOT in a state of mortal sin? Would it be prudent not to say anything because they cannot be held accountable before G-d by definition? I feel like in the case of some friends, knowing their behavior patterns (masturbation, premarital sex, etc) that NOT telling them, or at least just telling them not to receive, would actually be more spiritually advisable since, knowing them, they are highly likely to persist in their behavior and bringing the knowledge of mortal sin to their consciousness would only “officially” put them in a state of mortal sin, which may be worse than not saying anything at all. In some cases, I really feel like other people’s choices are none of my business. Secondly, remaining silent clearly bothers my conscience—would not saying anything make me guilty of the sin of omission, and is that a mortal sin for myself? 

 I have one relatively new friend from graduate school who is a catholic and is planning to get married to a non-catholic in a non-denominational chapel. Should I go out of my way to tell her that, unless she gets permission from a bishop, the church will not recognize her marriage as valid and she will be guilty of adultery for the rest of her life at the risk of ruining the friendship? I really don’t want to be a “you-know-what-hole”.

 There are many more scenarios, and I just don’t feel comfortable saying anything mostly because I am not exactly perceived as pious. I keep the intensity of my religious devotion to myself. Sometimes I lie to others and say I'm doing something else to escape to say the rosary. I also feel like a hypocrite /Pharisee and the passage of removing the wooden beam from my own eye before commenting on other people’s splinters really comes to mind which leads me to my next question. I am not a saint and have no intention of becoming one. I aspire to get into heaven via purgatory while no one else is looking. I fall into mortal sin quite often and then abuse the sacrament of penance. Sometimes I sin with the intent of confessing the sin afterwards (which is also a mortal sin correct?). If I confess to abusing confession, will I be absolved of taking advantage of confession even if I intend to abuse confession again and then confess to confessing to intending to abuse confession…ad infinitum? Is G-d’s mercy a legal loophole? It is not that I intentionally aim to injure the Creator, but rather, and lamentably, I am a slave to sin. I recite the rosary regularly, sometimes in a cathedral for the indulgence, but it still seems like I’m playing Russian roulette. If I don’t die in mass, after confession, or wearing my brown scapular, I will probably end up in one of Dante’s outer circles. With any luck I’ll end up in purgatory. Worst case scenario, I honestly don’t anticipate much of a change since my life thus far has been a hell of its own. In this respect, like Blaise Pascal, I don’t really have anything to lose. Can anyone offer some good advice?

 

[IntegraCatholic]

Hello, and welcome to the forums! There are a lot of things to consider here. First, yes, to commit a mortal sin, one must have full knowledge, but someone can be ignorant of what knowledge he is supposed to have, as you have mentioned. Is that ignorance culpable or inculpable? Regarding matters of sexual morality (which are a part of natural law and cannot be excused by ignorance) or the commandments of the Church (e.g., to assist at Mass on Sundays and holy days), someone cannot really be inculpably ignorant. If someone is a Catholic (or a member of any even secular organization), he has an obligation to know the rules of that group and to follow them. If someone is so poorly catechized that he doesn’t even know the precepts of the Church, while his parents and priests surely must take some blame, ultimately, he has to face this charge himself before God. It is a mortal sin to be ignorant of the basic tenets of the faith, and this ignorance does not excuse culpability when it directly results from this ignorance.

Ultimately, therefore, you have an obligation to inform your friends and family (in a prudent way–in private, especially regarding matters of the 6th and 9th commandments). You can do this any number of ways. Perhaps the best is by lending them an article on the subject or some like thing. Otherwise you could explain that you heard a sermon about it, etc. This will make them feel less attacked. I’ve tried all sorts of different things with my own family, and if we really love them, we will want them to be saved. Even though it can be difficult to do, we really have an obligation in charity to do this insofar as it is possible. Of course, we know that to instruct the ignorant and to admonish the sinner are two spiritual works of mercy, both of which seem to apply to you. Once you have done this, you don’t have to continue badgering the person about it; that can make it worse, but you simply ought to correct the person whenever your correction can do some good. Regarding what is and is not someone’s business, we have to recognize that every choice of someone who is a member of the Body of Christ is our business in the sense that we are all members of the same Mystical Body (the Church) and we are all trying to save our souls.

Concerning your friend who is to be married, you absolutely should tell her. As I said above, you should do so kindly and gently but without compromise. Of course, you would not be permitted to go to the wedding in the first place, so that would likely cause problems in any case (depending upon how close you two are). We cannot set aside our duties–and even if there were no duty, which there is, how can we show such little concern for this person’s soul?–in order to maintain a friendship on this earth. If we truly care for someone, we will do all we can to help him save his soul for eternity; a true friend is someone who helps you get to heaven.

My friend, we have to be serious about our salvation. I see your condition, and most of us have gone through similar cycles of varying severity. We are trying to improve, but nothing happens. We continue back into the mire of sin, but we can’t give up. That’s not an option. As I said, salvation is a very serious matter. It is very difficult to realize the gravity of such a scenario without making mental prayer. I highly recommend to you, if it is at all possible, to make a retreat of several days in a truly spiritual setting, in silence, in meditation and re-examination of the purpose of this life, which is a journey to eternity. For this purpose, I cannot recommend any works more than those of St. Alphonsus Liguori. Together with his books of meditation, of course St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. Francis de Sales are also important, but I really think you would do well to make a retreat or at least begin making mental prayer using St. Alphonsus’s works, above all his “Preparation for Death.” We cannot be content with our sin and then go to confession afterward, continuing forever in sin with no attempt to amend our lives. This is an invalid confession to begin with. If, however, you commit sin even presumptuously, you can be forgiven in confession later if you sincerely repent at that time and have a true contrition and firm purpose of amendment (which includes avoiding whatever occasion it is that you commit sin). If you do not avoid the occasions, you will never, ever, avoid the sin. You will always be in danger of falling, and because your will has been so weakened, you will always fall eventually. Your only recourse is to trust in God, make meditation and fervent prayer everyday for the grace to withstand your temptations, and avoid the occasions that cause you to sin. You have to prefer death to sin, or you will not succeed in this arduous journey that our Lord calls you to. Again, it is impossible to underestimate that absolute necessity of mental prayer for you (and everyone) to avoid sin. If you cannot find “Preparation for Death” at your local bookstore or someplace you know, you can get an abridged version from TAN, but I think you’d be better off with the unabridged version. There are a lot of other works from St. Alphonsus that you will profit from. Here are links to what TAN offers:

“Attaining Salvation” Meditation Book

“Incarnation, Birth, and Infancy of Jesus Christ” Meditation and Spiritual Reading Book

“Preparation for Death (Abridged)” Meditation Book

I will keep you in my prayers, and I hope you will take this very serious advice to heart. It is not my opinion but the perennial teaching of moral theologians and spiritual authors concerning habitual sinners. God bless you.

 

[RoryMcKenzie56]

Hey dostoevsky fan,

You had a lot of questions. I thought IntegraCatholic made some excellent points.

His argument regarding all of us members of the Body in Christ make it our business to try to lift each other up. I don’t think I care less about your friends than you do. They are part of me. We are in this together. If they hurt, I hurt. If you are going to purgatory (and I don’t assume that. That was kind of silly of you although I know what you meant.), one of them might respond as a saint. You don’t know their interior lives necessarily either. So I encourage a mentality of responsibility for your friends, relatives, and neighbors but especially those of the household of faith.

That said…we are to be prudent. We can exercise our own judgment as to what “medicine” would be best. If we love, it seems to be easier to correctly diagnose what is needed. Sometimes exterior sanctity can be accompanied with interior vices that make us not really loving of someone we are trying to instruct or admonish. We can’t care more about the behavior than the person. If we love the person truly, we can use our judgment, do what we think will be most helpful, and if we are misunderstood, and unite ourselves with Christ in being misunderstood if offense is taken. But if we love the person as God loves them for a supernatural reason, good will inevitably come from our interactions with them. So the most important thing for our friends and loved ones is that we work very hard at destroying our own self-will, and even our natural affections if they are in conflict with God’s love in us for them. The best thing we can do for any of our loved ones is not an offering of wise words, but to submit to being sanctified ourselves.

I know that isn’t very specific. It isn’t meant to be. You know best how verbal communications will be received. I want you to be rid of the mentality that it is “none of your business.” It is your business, and it is mine too. I love your friends in Christ. They are part of me and part of my family. “None of my business” is a false reason for remaining verbally silent. Ordinarily, I operate with a rule that says, “Unasked for advice is seldom heeded, and most often resented.” If you read the Proverbs there are good instructions as to why sometimes we are in a position to admonish, and other times not.

I have a suspicion that until you take your salvation more seriously, and knock off with this playing around with purgatory business, your friends are going to take the highway to hell. They don’t need your words. They need your love and your life. Now I have admonished you. I have rebuked you. Why? You have drawn me out. You have asked. I love you. (It doesn’t hurt that you like Dostoevsky too!) You have given a green light in asking for advice, and even criticism. My advice has been requested, and if it is resented, I would be surprised.

In general, we have to save ourselves to save others. How about this? Maybe only by becoming a great saint, can your friends go to purgatory! If you settle for mediocrity and do make purgatory, that’s great you. You get a nice beatific vision forvever after only a few centuries of intense suffering. But it would be tragic. Your failures will not be yours alone. Salvation is not an individualistic exercise. That is why Christ’s holiness saves. It continues to save as His life is lived in us. You are called to be Christ to your friends, loving them as He loved St. Magdalene, not with condescending disgust of her sin, but with elevating love for the potential of divine union with her corrupted and aching soul. How can you have an inkling of faith and love in Christ without embracing and being motivated by such thoughts Dostoevsky fan?

A retreat would be great. If that is impossible, The Devout Life by St. Francis deSales walks the Catholic sinner through conversion from the mentality of mediocrity to a spirit of devotion. I think the exercise takes around thirty days. It will involve a general sacramental confession, as would a good retreat. You have to tell a good priest when you enter the confessional that you want to make a general confession and why. Anyway…I am getting ahead of you if I say much more. Make no mistake, the eternal resting place of eternal souls in the far flung future and far flung places of Creation rest on our decisions for depravity, mediocrity, devotion, or sanctity. Quit thinking only of yourself in this respect.

In Christ’s Love,

Rory

 

[otjm]

There is an old phrase (and Ricky Nelson sang the song) that fools rush in where angels fear to go.

If people do not ask your advice, then you give it at risk of a number of possible consequences: anything from being politely ignored to finding your group of friends are no longer even acqaintences.

Giving opinions when one is asked and the hearer doesn’t like the message is hard enough.

Giving opinions when one is not asked in general is a short road to being told to stuff it - and that might be the politest comment.

It is easy to take a self righteous attitude and say “Well, I warned them; if they go to hell then they chose it and deserve it”. That can approach the pharisaical very rapidly. It is much harder to, as St Francis was alleged to have said, “Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words”. And you are more likely to ahve your message received if they are open to hearing it; if they are not open, you need to do two things: pray - constantly - and be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit (which may only occasionally happen).