advice please!

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karrienicole

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I need some advice on how to handle my step daughters confirmation.

I will give you a little back ground on the situation with my husband, his ex wife and myself.

my husband tries to keep peace with her for there daughters sake and that can be very hard to do at times because of the type of woman his ex is.

I have not really spoke to her in about 1 1/2 because i just got to the point where i couldn’t deal with her.

The ex has crossed the lines many many times and has said and done many hurtful things to us.

So here’s my problem…

We just received an invitation for my husbands daughters confirmation (next week) and at the bottom it said it there is a gathering after mass and its at her house, and the invite said it was from all of us. me,my husband and the ex! what!!??? we didn’t even know about it!!

Anyway,I can handle the mass and i know I SHOULD BE THERE AND I WILL.

But how do i handle the after gathering at her house,with her friends and her family?

She is so fake and selfish that the thought of being at her home really makes me sick to my stomach. If it were at a restaurant or something like that it would totally different and i wouldn’t have such a big problem with going.

Is it wrong of me to think that our side of the family could have a separate party for my step daughter?

Is it wrong of me not to attend the after party?

And what about my husband should he just go with out me??

I really could use come advice because i really do want to do the right thing! Thanks
 
I’d look at it from the point of your stepdaughter. She has her mom, her dad and you (her stepmom) to celebrate a wonderful moment in her life with. I think you should be a big person for the sake of your stepdaughter and present a united front at the party. If you didn’t go, you’d be slighting your stepdaughter more than her mother.

I really can sympathize with your husband’s ex being a hard to get along with person–BUT I think that you need to be the bigger person here and go along with the party gracefully. 👍

ETA: I see nothing wrong with having another party including your family at some point…but I wouldn’t throw your own party and opt out of the other one. 🤷
 
Put the child first, be a gracious guest, smile and be friendly to everyone.
 
kevinsgirl said:
I’d look at it from the point of your stepdaughter. She has her mom, her dad and you (her stepmom) to celebrate a wonderful moment in her life with. I think you should be a big person for the sake of your stepdaughter and present a united front at the party. If you didn’t go, you’d be slighting your stepdaughter more than her mother.

I really can sympathize with your husband’s ex being a hard to get along with person–BUT I think that you need to be the bigger person here and go along with the party gracefully. 👍

ETA: I see nothing wrong with having another party including your family at some point…but I wouldn’t throw your own party and opt out of the other one. 🤷
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Thanks alot for your (name removed by moderator)ut. When you said not to opt out of the first party to have our own is a good point i guess:(
 
I will tell you what my mother would tell me.
First and foremost, this day is about a young woman and her faith.
It is not about how well her parents/step parents can get along at a party thrown in her honor.

Yes, she should have asked you permission to put your names on the invitation. She didn’t and there’s nothing you can do about it now.

You are now a host of the party and in my opinion, you should start acting like one(forced or not). This means that it would be inappropriate for you to miss the party. Also, as a host you should be sure that everything that is needed for the party is in place. This means calling your husband’s ex and asking if there is anything you can help with. It also means thanking her for including you on the invitation (yes I know you didn’t ask for that) because you are proud of her and happy to be a part of the celebration.

Keep in mind that this may be an opportunity for two of you to host this event and move past your differences out of respect for a mutual child.
 
fancyfrancie said:
I will tell you what my mother would tell me.
First and foremost, this day is about a young woman and her faith.
It is not about how well her parents/step parents can get along at a party thrown in her honor.

Yes, she should have asked you permission to put your names on the invitation. She didn’t and there’s nothing you can do about it now.

You are now a host of the party and in my opinion, you should start acting like one(forced or not). This means that it would be inappropriate for you to miss the party. Also, as a host you should be sure that everything that is needed for the party is in place. This means calling your husband’s ex and asking if there is anything you can help with. It also means thanking her for including you on the invitation (yes I know you didn’t ask for that) because you are proud of her and happy to be a part of the celebration.

Keep in mind that this may be an opportunity for two of you to host this event and move past your differences out of respect for a mutual child.
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Are you friends with the ex??? LOL. J/k
I respect your (name removed by moderator)ut but I totally disagree.
 
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