Advice & Prayer For Stress - Please be sensitive

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CRATUS

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I’m a young adult. I am more a sensitive sort I do not easily let things go, especially being disrespected. The main culprit of my stress is the current class load - which I need to be focused on more. Trying to be a better Catholic. Time management. I need stop using this forum as a substitute for real life friends. I feel like I call my family and friends more back home because I have not made worthwhile friends in college yet. I am not sure why I spend so much time online. My last year til grad. Difficult classes. I wanted work more to prove to my friend that I could handle it. I am getting a little tired of my friend undermining my job. We live together. No one is perfect. I notice I end taking the blame for almost everything and apologizing to her. I am getting tired of it. Sometimes she too forgets to lock the door, wash the dishes, etc but I do not constantly remind her of it because I respect her. I guess I was raised to learn to ignore people’s petty comments. I want to learn to live with people where I am respected equally (this may be far-fetched) and ideal. We are about the same age, she talks down to me like I am child. When I am moody or being rude to her, she has no problem calling it to my attention. As for her, if I were to remind of her every last of her faults are a roommate it would end in an argument. She always has an excuse. For example, I confronted her once about how I did not like the way she spoke to me - I guess it was her exam day. She blamed me for why she got a C instead of an A. I would not say she is the main reason for my stress. I just wish I either learned to ignore her bad attitude more or learned to stand up for myself every now and then. It is not good at my age, I cannot generally get worthwhile sleep. My mind wanders too much. I am always use sleeping pills to sleep. For a good year now I just could not sleep get good sleep regularly. My anxiety level is too high.
 
Ok, first of all, don’t expect to be respected until you earn respect. If you think college is bad wait until you’re the low man in the totem pole at a job. While you as a Christian must be respectful, that does not mean that you have to be a doormat. If the good Lord can holler and run around flipping tables then you can, in a charitable way, confront your roomie. As for being sensitive, that can be a great gift. You probably pick up on more than others and are far better at empathizing. It also means that the petty remarks you claim to ignore will eat away at you more. As for time management and socialization, you need to ask for help. Choose a professor or upperclassman you trust, and listen to the advice they give you.
 
At the start of every day, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.
Sounds simple? It can be. I recommend small devotions like this when people are overwhelmed. Things that are DOABLE in times of being over-committed, over-stressed, and over-burdened with tasks. I also recommend, if you’re going to go online, that you visit
www.sacredspace.ie
As you enter the prayer (which takes no more than 8-10 minutes) that you click on the little “helps” on each page.
Pray fro your roommate. be as diligent as you can with chores without being consumed by them, and when she complains, just smile, and say, OK, I’ll do better. Let’s work on it together. And them walk away to your room, close the door.

Peace.
Go to a place of peace, and study. Reflect on the day as you lie in bed each night, give it to the Lord in prayer, and get some rest! And, as the previous poster said…go to a trusted prof and ask for time management skills.
Peace friend!
Clare
 
Is it possible for you to move out and live on your own? I think maybe the peace and quiet would be more conducive to you getting your work done. If not, just try to separate yourself from your friend as much as you can. Study in your room, or at the library.

Don’t feel you need to respond to everything she says. “I’m sorry you feel that way” should be enough. There is nothing like living with a friend to ruin the friendship. :rolleyes:

Try not to call home so much. College is a time of learning to separate and stand alone from your friends and family. This is a very important year for you! Use your time for your school work because that is the purpose of you being there.

If you are having problems you need help with, every school has a counseling center available. There is no harm in going there, they know how to help. You would be surprised how just that once a week visit will help you.

May God bless you and guide you.
 
(not yet officially Venerable) Theresa Higginson has a glint in her eye. She was a teacher and a housekeper, by turns
 
You do sound so very stressed. Stress is such a horrible magnifying glass to look through.

May you find a moment of silence, to take a deep breath. May you feel God’s arms around you, holding you. May you find a moment to quietly say the Lord’s Prayer. May your stress be eased.

God bless, Cratus.
 
My thoughts: I am sorry you are under so much unnecessary pressure. Think if you should try harder to fulfill your responsibilities as a roommate. It would cut out a lot of tension. A lot of people can only see faults in others but not their own, You can’t change people but you can change how you respond to situations. Try not to obsess over hurts. You have to learn to let them go and not hold on to the disappointments. When called down just say, thank you for telling me, or it won’t happen again. A gentle response will be a kind of closure for you on the subject. And pray for your roommate. If you must, get a new roommate. It wasn’t your fault that she got a C instead of an A. She can’t pin that one on you. Praying for you.
 
Unfortunately this situation has not gotten any better. I used to sleep over at my friend’s place. We give each other dirty looks when we see each other. “cold-shouldering.” We do not talk or we try to avoid each other’s presence in the kitchen. I do not think her very loud door-slamming is an accident or coincidence. I think it is a sign of passive-aggressive behavior.
 
What you are dealing with is very common in college; however, that does not mean it is easy.
I went through a lot of what you are describing in my college years. Just a couple suggestions:
  1. Get out of this roommate situation as soon as you possibly can. Live with someone else.
    Almost every aspect of your life including mood, health, weight, income, are all affected by the people you interact with. One criteria I heard in a sermon went something like: Dose this person tolerate you, or celebrate you? If the answer is the former, leave. Celebrate others, and seek out people who “celebrate you”, and don’t expose yourself to people who “tolerate you”.
  2. Stop over loading yourself. I graduated on time with exactly the hours required and not a single extra hour. When you overload, performance will suffer. It is a common mistake.
  3. Stay in church as you are doing. Several times I faced critical decisions on what to study, who to live with, whether to stay in school vs. leave for a year etc. and I credit making the right decision and listening to the right people (not the wrong people) with showing up for Mass. It is amazing to me when I see people who make decisions at critical junctures that cost them decades in the wrong relationship, wrong career, or wreck their health, and they never “connect the dots” with showing up and trying to hear God’s guidance, and the avoidable bad decision.
  4. Stay in contact with your friends and family that you trust. You need their unconditional support. Do not replace good people in your life with the wrong people to “fit in”.
  5. Look for some activity or sport that you are interested in as a way to meet the right people. That is where you will find people who “celebrate you”. In school, I met the people who “celebrated me” in study groups, a club sport, and at the track. I did not meet a single one in the college “social scene”.
  6. Try to remember that the journey is important. So try to keep the journey enjoyable. My wife did this better than me in school and her school years were wonderful whereas mine were unnecessarily hard. I am avoiding that mistake in my current journey and keeping things fun along the way. So far I am having a lot of fun, while working and studying hard on an “Eddie the Eagle” type of journey. ha ha. If you see this movie you will realize that everyone played a role in Eddie’s eventual success. So being around the right people does not mean judging the wrong people. In the movie, the person who would not sign Eddie’s autograph in the first part of the movie, carried him through his greatest challenge in the end of the movie. So keeping that positive attitude is important. The glass is always half full.
Good luck.
 
dedo said:
What you are dealing with is very common in college; however, that does not mean it is easy.
I went through a lot of what you are describing in my college years. Just a couple suggestions:
  1. Get out of this roommate situation as soon as you possibly can. Live with someone else.
    Almost every aspect of your life including mood, health, weight, income, are all affected by the people you interact with. One criteria I heard in a sermon went something like: Dose this person tolerate you, or celebrate you? If the answer is the former, leave. Celebrate others, and seek out people who “celebrate you”, and don’t expose yourself to people who “tolerate you”.
  2. Stop over loading yourself. I graduated on time with exactly the hours required and not a single extra hour. When you overload, performance will suffer. It is a common mistake.
  3. Stay in church as you are doing. Several times I faced critical decisions on what to study, who to live with, whether to stay in school vs. leave for a year etc. and I credit making the right decision and listening to the right people (not the wrong people) with showing up for Mass. It is amazing to me when I see people who make decisions at critical junctures that cost them decades in the wrong relationship, wrong career, or wreck their health, and they never “connect the dots” with showing up and trying to hear God’s guidance, and the avoidable bad decision.
  4. Stay in contact with your friends and family that you trust. You need their unconditional support. Do not replace good people in your life with the wrong people to “fit in”.
  5. Look for some activity or sport that you are interested in as a way to meet the right people. That is where you will find people who “celebrate you”. In school, I met the people who “celebrated me” in study groups, a club sport, and at the track. I did not meet a single one in the college “social scene”.
  6. Try to remember that the journey is important. So try to keep the journey enjoyable. My wife did this better than me in school and her school years were wonderful whereas mine were unnecessarily hard. I am avoiding that mistake in my current journey and keeping things fun along the way. So far I am having a lot of fun, while working and studying hard on an “Eddie the Eagle” type of journey. ha ha. If you see this movie you will realize that everyone played a role in Eddie’s eventual success. So being around the right people does not mean judging the wrong people. In the movie, the person who would not sign Eddie’s autograph in the first part of the movie, carried him through his greatest challenge in the end of the movie. So keeping that positive attitude is important. The glass is always half full.
Good luck.
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