Advice, Prayer, Support - Relationship

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Norm640

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I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and the kind I have isn’t recognizable. All the strange compulsions are done in my brain. But what this leads to is feelings of numbness, fear of what I might do, and a detachment. 99% of the time it is under control, and by that I mean I am on medications and I socially isolate myself. When I care about someone or something the fears start.

I’ve been on here many times before complaining about my lack of love life, but the one thing I want the most is also one of the things I fear the most, because I’m afraid of getting hurt.

There is a girl I have gone out with now for 2 weeks. I felt really comfortable when I was with her. And I have prayed very intensely about it, asking God to show me if she is the one, or to prevent me from getting hurt.

I wonder if the fact that now I’m going through an OCD episode and feel “out of love” with her is God telling me she’s not the one, or if my OCD is driving this entirely. She has a lot of “guy” friends, including an ex boyfriend who helps her out a lot. Now, she has MS, and he lives close by, so I see the rationale in that. She lives about an hour from me. But she hugs him and sometimes kisses him hello. My brain runs wild with that. She is a good person, and has told me she cannot be in a relationship with him.

I am starting to feel as if I truly am meant to be alone. The fear of being hurt, or of trying to head off being hurt is strong. It is almost as if I now resent her when she hasn’t done anything wrong.

Did I blow this up when I shouldn’t have? Does God have any interest in me? I don’t want to hurt this girl, and I don’t want to be hurt. But I’m walking on a wire here. I have asked God for an unmistakable sign, but a)I know God doesn’t work that way, and b)Would I doubt that sign (the old joke about the guy who asked God for help but didn’t realize it when it came).

My mind never stops. And I feel like a loathsome person now for having negative feelings about a girl that I shouldn’t even have. Little things that are no big deals in a relationship- she talks about herself a lot, she doesn’t ask me how I’m doing that much- I blow up into deal breakers.

The only other real relationship I ever had was with a girl 2,000 miles away. That distance might have helped me because I knew she was unreachable. Or maybe I didn’t have problems because I didn’t care for her.

But I am tired of going through this…I am so lonely, yet being in a relationship is killing me. Does anyone have any advice for me, for this hypersensitivity/jealousy ? I try every day to pray the DMC, the Rosary, the Memorae, the St. Jude Prayer, and the Sacred Heart. Sometimes I feel that I am evil, and praying these things just compounds my judgment.

Thanks to everyone who reads this long post.
 
Yes, God loves you very much! I can’t say whether your relationship is good, bad or neutral, but I will certainly pray for you and your condition.

Michael
 
Praying God’s will be done, trust in Our Lady, she’ll help you! May she bless you.
 
Holy Michael the Archangel defend us in the day of battle.
Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host,
by the Power of God,
thrust down to hell, satan and all the wicked spirits,
who wander through the world for the ruin of souls.
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession and was left forsaken. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you I come, before you I stand, a sorrowful sinner. Despise not my words, O Mother of the Word, but in your mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen
 
Norm640 said:
I’ve been on here many times before complaining about my lack of love life, but the one thing I want the most is also one of the things I fear the most, because I’m afraid of getting hurt.

There is a girl I have gone out with now for 2 weeks. I felt really comfortable when I was with her. And I have prayed very intensely about it, asking God to show me if she is the one, or to prevent me from getting hurt.

I have been there and done that.

I am starting to feel as if I truly am meant to be alone. The fear of being hurt, or of trying to head off being hurt is strong.

I feel this same way every day of my life.

I am so lonely, yet being in a relationship is killing me.

Again, I have always felt the same way.
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Some of us are ment to be alone, I certainly believe that this is true for me. For you, I cannot say. I will suggest that you get counselling on the subject and also speak to a priest to guide you, before making any serious decision about relationships. I have personally decided to be single all my life, I simply do not have the strength for a relationship even though I often desire one. I find more peace being single, and I mean totally single, no casual sex, no anything else, just pure single.
 
I don’t want to be alone. I hate it…it is one of the worst feelings in the world. Like I am dying inside. But I notice that when I’m alone at least I can’t hurt anyone or anything.

I have prayed for signs. I have prayed for miracles. But I don’t even know if I could see one if it came my way.

I have a lot of love in me…but it gets hijacked by anxiety and insecurity.

Thanks for your responses.
 
I will pray for you, but I can tell you what I think you are doing. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was very young, and it kind of went away with the exception of worrying over my relationships, which have since gone away also. I believe you are hearing your gut tell you that she is not the one. She has lots of guy friends and an ex that is also her friend, which is not inherently bad, but something that is hard to sit well with when dating someone that has all those friends of the opposite sex. Perhaps you should wait until that fear isn’t there and your needs are being met, first by God, and then by the girl you find that doesn’t have lots of guy friends, seems devoted to you, after God of course, etc. I really think you are hearing your gut tell you it isn’t right and instead of listening to your inner voice, which could be God or just your common sense. And instead of listening you are obsessing. Try listening to that voice and just leave the relationship. Concentrate on higher things for yourself and on your relationship with God and one day you will meet the person for you where that fear isn’t there. This may not be right, and I hope I don’t offend. Just my opinion and I hope it helps
 
Problem is, every girl I meet, indeed most girls, have guy friends. At least in my neck of the woods. I have run away from girls before because of my gut instinct. But we have a lot in common, and, well, maybe I just want it too much. If God came down and told me, point-blank, to move on, I would. Or would take it under consideration, lol. But I think it is more me than her…I just think my OCD gets in the way of anything. I am trying to be understanding…I’m trying to to be jealous.

My OCD has ruined more relationships than I can count…

And now I feel completely numb and resentful of her, even though she hasn’t done anything. This is my major stumbling block in life. Money and love, two things I’ll never have but desperately need .

I had one girl who I was with for 2 years, and she loved me unconditionally. But I felt nothing romantic for her. Nothing at all.

I know in the end God wants us happy. I have prayed that if this girl and I aren’t meant to be together that God reveals it to both of us, and that no one will get hurt.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amoungst women,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death
Amen
 
***Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death
Amen.

:crossrc:***
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Norm640 said:
Problem is, every girl I meet, indeed most girls, have guy friends. At least in my neck of the woods. I have run away from girls before because of my gut instinct. But we have a lot in common, and, well, maybe I just want it too much. If God came down and told me, point-blank, to move on, I would. Or would take it under consideration, lol. But I think it is more me than her…I just think my OCD gets in the way of anything. I am trying to be understanding…I’m trying to to be jealous.

My OCD has ruined more relationships than I can count…

And now I feel completely numb and resentful of her, even though she hasn’t done anything. This is my major stumbling block in life. Money and love, two things I’ll never have but desperately need .

I had one girl who I was with for 2 years, and she loved me unconditionally. But I felt nothing romantic for her. Nothing at all.

I know in the end God wants us happy. I have prayed that if this girl and I aren’t meant to be together that God reveals it to both of us, and that no one will get hurt.
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With this being said, and what I am sure you know about what Jesus says about if your right arm causes you to sin, cut it off. He doesn’t say that exactly but you get the point. I would have to look up the scripture to quote it accurately. But basically, if these relationships do not enhance your life and your walk with Jesus, then wouldn’t it be safe to say that you are better off without them? What do you think Jesus would want for you? I would say that wherever fear lies is where you DON’t want to be. Perhaps you need to concentrate on you, go see a therapist or psychologist. There are are ton out there that would be willing to work with you with some behavior modification which is one of the major therapeutic treatments for OCD. Get your spirit in order, and to me it sounds that during this time in your life you would be better off with lots of friends. Don’t worry about a girlfriend yet. Not to say that you are too young or something, I don’t even know how old you are, even if you said it I’m not thinking about it. Just concentrate on getting YOU healthy,
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
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