Advice re marrying a non Christian

[mj2409]

Today my son brought his girlfriend home to meet us. They have been together for more than an five years since college. Both graduate next year, my son as a medical doctor, and she as a civil engineer. However she is Hindu, and is not willing to consider getting baptized, as she says she would be “lying” by calling Jesus her “God”…as she has prayed and believed in another God all her life. When they have children she has agreed to having them baptized, but would like to expose them to the Hindu religion too! like taking them to the temple etc. I’m concerned that the children will end up confused, but how do I make her and my son understand this?
Does the Catholic Church have a stand on this?

 

[ClearWater]

Today my son brought his girlfriend home to meet us. They have been together for more than an five years since college. Both graduate next year, my son as a medical doctor, and she as a civil engineer. However she is Hindu, and is not willing to consider getting baptized, as she says she would be “lying” by calling Jesus her “God”…as she has prayed and believed in another God all her life. When they have children she has agreed to having them baptized, but would like to expose them to the Hindu religion too! like taking them to the temple etc. I’m concerned that the children will end up confused, but how do I make her and my son understand this?
Does the Catholic Church have a stand on this?

All excellent questions.

 

[Catholic1954]

If your son and his girlfriend are serious about marriage, then they need to see a priest ASAP. Certain permissions need to be obtained, but it is possible for them to marry. Just because she is not interested in converting now, doesn’t mean she won’t change her mind in the future. Be a strong (but mostly silent) Catholic example and leave the rest to the Holy Spirit.

 

[ServusHumilis]

Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but the Church would not allow them to marry unless she agrees to only raise the children in the Catholic faith, and that agreement would go out the window if she has plans to expose them to Hinduism. The children would be confused no doubt if what you describe were to happen. From what I recall learning in 8th grade humanities, the two faiths are quite incompatible with eachother. I feel for you, though all I can really do is offer a few prayers…

Pater Noster…
Ave Maria…
Gloria Patri…

 

[Withburga]

Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but the Church would not allow them to marry unless she agrees to only raise the children in the Catholic faith

You’re not wrong, although it may be worth mentioning that this can be dispensed by the proper authority (although that is not to suggest that it would be, or that it is likely to be). This strengthens the case for the couple discussing the matter with a priest so as to be aware of the canonical elements of their situation. Prayers and best wishes.

In Christ,
Withburga

 

[JRKH]

Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but the Church would not allow them to marry unless she agrees to only raise the children in the Catholic faith, and that agreement would go out the window if she has plans to expose them to Hinduism. The children would be confused no doubt if what you describe were to happen. From what I recall learning in 8th grade humanities, the two faiths are quite incompatible with eachother. I feel for you, though all I can really do is offer a few prayers…

Pater Noster…
Ave Maria…
Gloria Patri…

Children can be raised Catholic and still be (in fact will be) “exposed” to many things - including other faith traditions.

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

Today my son brought his girlfriend home to meet us. They have been together for more than an five years since college. Both graduate next year, my son as a medical doctor, and she as a civil engineer. However she is Hindu, and is not willing to consider getting baptized, as she says she would be “lying” by calling Jesus her “God”…as she has prayed and believed in another God all her life. When they have children she has agreed to having them baptized, but would like to expose them to the Hindu religion too! like taking them to the temple etc. I’m concerned that the children will end up confused, but how do I make her and my son understand this?
Does the Catholic Church have a stand on this?

There is a lot missing in your post and it makes it hard to advise…
You do not speak much about your son’s faith here. Is he practicing? How firm is HE in the faith? This might be just as great a concern as his marrying someone of another faith.

That said and assuming a great love between your son and his lady, the Children need not be “confused”. Ours is a God who IS Agape Love (1 John 4:7-8) and since this Love is very often present in other faiths, how can we deny our God’s influence there?

Be patient, advise your son to seek the counsel of his priest and spend some time getting to know this young lady, her views and her faith.

Peace
James

 

[Nacho45]

Why do people get themselves into this sort of position? How many times must we be told to not marry someone who is not of the same faith? People seem to think they have all the answers when they should be listening to the advice we have already been given. My advice to him would be to find a wife to share his faith. My advice to you is pray and I will pray with you.

Lord, have mercy!!!

 

[ServusHumilis]

Children can be raised Catholic and still be (in fact will be) “exposed” to many things - including other faith traditions.

Peace
James

And why encourage it even further?

 

[JRKH]

And why encourage it even further?

It’s not a question of encouraging or discouraging. It’s simply a fact that children will be exposed to many influences.
The question should be how to handle these things in a manner that is healthy for the children.

If these two young people decide to marry, the children will be exposed, either directly or indirectly to the two faiths. The mother not taking them to temple will not prevent exposure for if their mother truly believes in her faith, they will see it as part of her daily life.
If their father truly believes his faith, then they will see it as part of his daily life.
If love pervades the house and the relationships then obviously God will be present and the children will be encouraged in their love for God.

If, on the other hand, one or both parents do not truly embrace their respective faith - the children will see this too - and this will be the dominant influence on them for they will not see it in their daily lives. Instead they will see hypocrisy.

This is why I asked the OP about her son’s spiritual life.

Peace
James

 

[AClaire11]

In my experience, children with parents from two different faiths usually end up rejecting both. My cousin’s husband, for example, had a Catholic father and a Muslim mother. That seems more doable than a Catholic and a Hindu, right? Same God and everything. They tried to expose him to both, and now he’s an atheist.

She says she’s willing to have them baptized…Is she under the impression that’s all that is required? What about 1st Communion and Confirmation? Mass every Sunday?

Even ignoring the potential outcomes for the children, this could cause a lot of stress and arguments if they can’t agree on how to raise the kids.

 

[ClearWater]

In my experience, children with parents from two different faiths usually end up rejecting both. My cousin’s husband, for example, had a Catholic father and a Muslim mother. That seems more doable than a Catholic and a Hindu, right? Same God and everything. **They tried to expose him to both, and now he’s an atheist. **

She says she’s willing to have them baptized…Is she under the impression that’s all that is required? What about 1st Communion and Confirmation? Mass every Sunday?

Even ignoring the potential outcomes for the children, this could cause a lot of stress and arguments if they can’t agree on how to raise the kids.

Interesting.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Today my son brought his girlfriend home to meet us. They have been together for more than an five years since college. Both graduate next year, my son as a medical doctor, and she as a civil engineer. However she is Hindu, and is not willing to consider getting baptized, as she says she would be “lying” by calling Jesus her “God”…as she has prayed and believed in another God all her life. When they have children she has agreed to having them baptized, but would like to expose them to the Hindu religion too! like taking them to the temple etc. I’m concerned that the children will end up confused, but how do I make her and my son understand this?
Does the Catholic Church have a stand on this?

They need to see a priest.

Children can be raised Catholic and still be (in fact will be) “exposed” to many things - including other faith traditions.

Peace
James

It’s actually fairly hard for a couple to completely avoid exposing their child to the faith of one of the parents.

Why do people get themselves into this sort of position? How many times must we be told to not marry someone who is not of the same faith? People seem to think they have all the answers when they should be listening to the advice we have already been given. My advice to him would be to find a wife to share his faith. My advice to you is pray and I will pray with you.

Lord, have mercy!!!

That’s pretty easy for someone in the West to say, but Indians for example if you aren’t a Latin Rite Catholic in Goa or Nasrani in Kerala are going to have a rough time because the dating pool would be extremely limited.

 

[Nacho45]

That’s pretty easy for someone in the West to say, but Indians for example if you aren’t a Latin Rite Catholic in Goa or Nasrani in Kerala are going to have a rough time because the dating pool would be extremely limited.

I did not originally say this. I simply repeated the advice provided from Scripture and Tradition. Besides, who ever said doing the right thing was the easy thing? Life is tough.

 

[His_helpmeet]

In a strict sense, the Church forbids mixed marriages (marriages of a Catholic and a non-Catholic) because these often occur to the detriment of the children’s faith formation. (In other words, the children are often raised without any faith at all, as the parents are unsure which faith to teach them, so they decide to raise them in a secular tradition and let the children decide for themselves what to believe when they reach adulthood. The problem with this is that the children often do not adopt a faith of their own even in adulthood, as they have no background in any religious faith.) However, the Church recognizes that sometimes people decide to marry those outside the faith. As a “lesser of two evils” option (the other evil being that these Catholics will marry outside the Church) the Church may give a dispensation allowing the Catholic to marry a non-Catholic. In order for the dispensation to be granted, the Catholic MUST agree to continue practicing his/her faith and to raise the children in the Catholic faith. Conversion of the other party is NOT a requirement and, in fact, it is strongly discouraged that the other party convert solely to preserve family unity - conversion must come from a since belief that Catholicism is the true faith.

Sadly, the mixed marriages that I have seen have often suffered difficulties due to the fact that both parents do not share the same beliefs. It’s not impossible for a mixed-faith marriage to work, but it does add a degree of difficulty. (Interestingly, out of the 6 kids in my family, 3 of us are married - and we all married fellow Catholics.)

 

[KCT]

. I’m concerned that the children will end up confused, but how do I make her and my son understand this?
Does the Catholic Church have a stand on this?

You probably can’t make them understand. The Church does not forbid it. Hopefully they will talk with a priest to at least see what the expectations are.

Being a mother in law and grandmother means biting your tongue often. Really, really often.