Advice to granddaughter going to college?

[Ginmer]

My granddaughter will start college this August. She has always gone to catholic school from kindergarten and now graduating high school. All her life , her friends, relatives etc are all catholic. I am worried about secular influences now that she will be interacting with people who will try to sway her in her beliefs. I want to sit her down and talk to her about this but don,t know if I should “mind my own business”. I just want to warn her about others who think differently and raised differently. She is a very smart loving child. Should I keep my mouth shut?

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Perhaps warn her about drinking to excess?

When I went to college, I commuted. But I really was amazed at the amount of alcohol kids consumed. I remember hearing about a girl who was supposed to attend a semiformal dance. She didn’t show up because she drank too much beforehand and passed out in the hallway of her dorm.

And if it isn’t a Catholic college she should perhaps join the Newman center.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

My granddaughter will start college this August. She has always gone to catholic school from kindergarten and now graduating high school. All her life , her friends, relatives etc are all catholic. I am worried about secular influences now that she will be interacting with people who will try to sway her in her beliefs. I want to sit her down and talk to her about this but don,t know if I should “mind my own business”. I just want to warn her about others who think differently and raised differently. She is a very smart loving child. Should I keep my mouth shut?

I don’t think you should say anything, but I don’t know your granddaughter. I’m still a student, and I was much more inclined to stick with my faith when I didn’t have relatives preaching at me. If she’s truly faithful, then exposure to other ideas can only strengthen her faith.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My granddaughter will start college this August. She has always gone to catholic school from kindergarten and now graduating high school. All her life , her friends, relatives etc are all catholic. I am worried about secular influences now that she will be interacting with people who will try to sway her in her beliefs. I want to sit her down and talk to her about this but don,t know if I should “mind my own business”. I just want to warn her about others who think differently and raised differently. She is a very smart loving child. Should I keep my mouth shut?

A lot of it depends on the familial relationships and level of faithfulness of the entire family. If you are close, like older parent close, words of wisdom may indeed be well heeded.
But if she was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic ( truly) school. And has parents who educated her, raised her in the faith, took her to regular confession and Mass, prayed with her every day etc. then you won’t have much to add. If however the education was CINO and the family parish iciparion lacking then perhaps you should start with the evangelization of your child, (thier parent).
Either way while grandparent wisdom can be productive if timely and done right, real direction here should come from the parents.

 

[RC1960]

The Catholic Answers Focus podcast looked at this subject. Teresa Tomio had a book recently published about this. too. Listen to the podcast for background and perhaps send her the book/ebook. You’re not alone.

 

[7_Sorrows]

If there is a Newman Center on campus, suggest she introduce herself to the priest and get involved. We have a wonderful priest at our Newman Center who has activities
everyday for the Catholic students. He is great with the young people and restaurants
deliver dinner a few times a week when they have a speaker or other activities.
I actually enjoy the Masses with the students at the Newman Center more than at my
own parish. There are fewer people and the students participate so joyfully in the music and everything else.

 

[Ginmer]

A lot of it depends on the familial relationships and level of faithfulness of the entire family. If you are close, like older parent close, words of wisdom may indeed be well heeded.
But if she was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic ( truly) school. And has parents who educated her, raised her in the faith, took her to regular confession and Mass, prayed with her every day etc. then you won’t have much to add. If however the education was CINO and the family parish iciparion lacking then perhaps you should start with the evangelization of your child, (thier parent).
Either way while grandparent wisdom can be productive if timely and done right, real direction here should come from the parents.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I think I will voice my concerns to her parents and try to find out if there is a Newman center at the school, if they do I just might mention that to her and hope she will be interested. Bless all the posters at CAF. Thank you

 

[Havard]

Yes! Aurora Grifffin, a recent Harvard grad (2014) and Rhodes Scholar, wrote a book called “How I Stayed Catholic at Harvard.”

youtube.com/watch?v=6_iEWJ7nUhY

The book is published by Ignatius Press. Hope it helps!

 

[Estevao]

I’m a big believer in apologetics. Our youth need to be trained in apologetics, the reasons for belief, and I fear that they are woefully unprepared for things like going off to a secular college or working in a secular city. I also believe that most the reasons people give for leaving the Church are very sophomoric, so I think even a passing acquaintance with apologetics is enough to give one enough reason to keep the faith.

I think this talk could help her, it’s geared right towards someone like your granddaughter

youtube.com/watch?v=8N_5DVyeynA

 

[Lea101]

I’m a big believer in apologetics. Our youth need to be trained in apologetics, the reasons for belief, and I fear that they are woefully unprepared for things like going off to a secular college or working in a secular city. I also believe that most the reasons people give for leaving the Church are very sophomoric, so I think even a passing acquaintance with apologetics is enough to give one enough reason to keep the faith.

I think this talk could help her, it’s geared right towards someone like your granddaughter

youtube.com/watch?v=8N_5DVyeynA

Strongly agree. I notice my peers tend to lose their faith for reasons that aren’t even that intelligent. Knowing the answers to typical questions people tend to ask about the church is a good start (ie why is there a need for the pope, why is moral relativism wrong, why is abortion not allowed etc)

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I think I will voice my concerns to her parents and try to find out if there is a Newman center at the school, if they do I just might mention that to her and hope she will be interested. Bless all the posters at CAF. Thank you

You are welcome! You sound like an amazing grandparent.

 

[redbetta]

As a current undergraduate sophomore, assure your granddaughter that, even if it seems like everyone is doing it, be it drinking or hooking up, there a lot of people that don’t. I go to a secular school and the majority of students are not the stereotypical partiers. This is especially true for low income/first generation students who are especially conscious not to lose their scholarships and want nothing more than to move themselves up the socio-economic ladder. This is also true for students with disabilities who may need to work twice as hard as the average student.

Also, it may seem like everyone has the same viewpoint, but it is really a loud minority made up of largely the same type of people. Students like myself who are first generation and studying a difficult field often tend to hold more Catholic values, but do not have time to engage the opposition because we are too busy studying/doing research/doing work-study. I wish I can give a counter-argument to the folks who have the bizarre mental gymnastics we often see today, but I need to give up everything for school.

Here is a story: my friend, also a Catholic, was in a Spanish class here in which they had watched a Spanish movie about a man seeking assisted suicide and they were debating it. She was the only person arguing for the pro-life stance and the professor was giving her a hard time. No one stood up to the professor, but, in the class evaluations at the end of the quarter, most of the students detailed the event and criticized the professor for being trying to block opposing viewpoints, even if they themselves agreed with the professor. The professor in question two years later does not teach the class anymore and, I am not sure whether this episode was the reason why. Regardless, when you think you are alone on campus, you are probably not. Students might be afraid to speak up, but, are there nonetheless.

Also, the biggest hardship I have faced transitioning from 14 years of Catholic schooling to university was not so much being exposed to people of different beliefs, but adjusting to the fact that professors are not really educators, especially in STEM. I have had amazing teachers at my Catholic schools that were teaching clearly because it was a labor of love. So, it was really hard adjusting to the fact that many of my professors either don’t know how to teach and/or are only doing it because they have to and that I mostly have to teach myself the material. This alone made me wish I had gone to a public school. Hopefully your granddaughter is not going to a big research institution like I am in.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Strongly agree. I notice my peers tend to lose their faith for reasons that aren’t even that intelligent. Knowing the answers to typical questions people tend to ask about the church is a good start (ie why is there a need for the pope, why is moral relativism wrong, why is abortion not allowed etc)

I think this is spot on!
But also I think it’s important to teach them in a kind way that sin is sin. Missing mass is grave matter, getting drunk/high is grave matter, premarital sex is grave matter. Not necesssarily because we want to scare them or threaten them, but rather so they know if they do mess up, if they damage thier relationship with Jesus, the Church is there to help them repair it through reconciliation. It’s an amazing grace filled sacrament that repairs a broken person. But one can’t take advantage if one doesn’t go, and one won’t go if they haven’t been told and taught when and why to go…

 

[alphawoman]

I think this is spot on!
But also I think it’s important to teach them in a kind way that sin is sin. Missing mass is grave matter, getting drunk/high is grave matter, premarital sex is grave matter. Not necesssarily because we want to scare them or threaten them, but rather so they know if they do mess up, if they damage thier relationship with Jesus, the Church is there to help them repair it through reconciliation. It’s an amazing grace filled sacrament that repairs a broken person. But one can’t take advantage if one doesn’t go, and one won’t go if they haven’t been told and taught when and why to go…

Yes, yes, yes.

Really, being informed is empowering–informed both wrt Church teaching and having a real understanding of others’ beliefs.

 

[on_the_hill]

My granddaughter will start college this August. She has always gone to catholic school from kindergarten and now graduating high school. All her life , her friends, relatives etc are all catholic. I am worried about secular influences now that she will be interacting with people who will try to sway her in her beliefs. I want to sit her down and talk to her about this but don,t know if I should “mind my own business”. I just want to warn her about others who think differently and raised differently. She is a very smart loving child. Should I keep my mouth shut?

I think you can talk with her without talking at her. Also, there is a point where you have to let go and trust that she’ll make good decisions.

Our daughter started (Catholic) college this past fall and she has faced a whole lot of bad “influences” that we never expected her to have to face so soon. She’s living with people we wouldn’t have wanted her to associate with a year earlier.

She’s made good decisions. One of the best might be to transfer to a different college.

 

[twoangels]

My granddaughter will start college this August. She has always gone to catholic school from kindergarten and now graduating high school. All her life , her friends, relatives etc are all catholic. I am worried about secular influences now that she will be interacting with people who will try to sway her in her beliefs. I want to sit her down and talk to her about this but don,t know if I should “mind my own business”. I just want to warn her about others who think differently and raised differently. She is a very smart loving child. Should I keep my mouth shut?

Mind your own business. If you speak up, you’ll play into all the negative stereotypes of Catholics and all the reasons to leave and not trust the faith. A person with strong faith does not need to fear the world or bury her head in the sand. If she asks for advice, encourage her to see doubts as opportunities to seek new knowledge. Never let an “I don’t know” lead to “It is therefore not true.” Doubting is a natural part of the faith. “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

 

[7_Sorrows]

Mind your own business. If you speak up, you’ll play into all the negative stereotypes of Catholics and all the reasons to leave and not trust the faith. A person with strong faith does not need to fear the world or bury her head in the sand. If she asks for advice, encourage her to see doubts as opportunities to seek new knowledge. Never let an “I don’t know” lead to “It is therefore not true.” Doubting is a natural part of the faith. “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

I had an average religious upbringing. It was non-Cathoic, public schools, and lukewarm church attendance. I wish so badly that while I was in high school or
before I went to college someone would have sat down with me to explain what my baptism and confirmation meant and how my relationship with Christ was supposed
to be a lifelong commitment and not a temporary, imaginary part of my childhood.
I wish someone would have given me words of wisdom and advice as I was being
confronted by so many new challenges and temptations. It might have saved me some heartache that someone cared about my soul. Yes, we all go through our journey
of faith, but it is important to know that evil exists and how important it is to keep your
life on track.
I don’t know how close a relationship this grandmother has with her granddaughter, but even if she writes a letter or invtes her to lunch or gives her a prayerbook to remind er not to abandon her faith it at least is something she can use weigh against as she leaves the nest on her journey to begin her own life.

 

[twoangels]

I had an average religious upbringing. It was non-Cathoic, public schools, and lukewarm church attendance. I wish so badly that while I was in high school or
before I went to college someone would have sat down with me to explain what my baptism and confirmation meant and how my relationship with Christ was supposed
to be a lifelong commitment and not a temporary, imaginary part of my childhood.
I wish someone would have given me words of wisdom and advice as I was being
confronted by so many new challenges and temptations. It might have saved me some heartache that someone cared about my soul. Yes, we all go through our journey
of faith, but it is important to know that evil exists and how important it is to keep your
life on track.
I don’t know how close a relationship this grandmother has with her granddaughter, but even if she writes a letter or invtes her to lunch or gives her a prayerbook to remind er not to abandon her faith it at least is something she can use weigh against as she leaves the nest on her journey to begin her own life.

How can someone explain the importance of that in one meeting or letter? The reality is that how an adult lives their faith will have a far greater impact than one simple meeting. The overall religious formation of a child is a lifelong thing. It’s a daily thing. If we reduce the faith to being a member of a club and burying our heads in the sand if we ever feel challenged in our faith, than that actually works against any real preparation for when we go out into the outside world.

I actually feel blessed that my religious education had been a bit neglected. Afterall, in 6th grade, my teacher dropped the religious class and told us we were being raised Catholic and knew what that was all about. Instead she spent the hour talking about peer pressure. I was then switched to the public school and the CCD class I was put involved the teacher giving up because everyone refused to do the homework and often didn’t bring their books. She turned it to a Q and A session but the questions the kids asked weren’t helpful. It was all “Why is this sinful?” So my parents homeschooled me but we hated the textbooks and decided to just talk about God but then that went to the wayside as well. I had two years of prep for confirmation and then failed an exam in college about world religions when it came to my own faith because I thought the reason I hated the texts and wasn’t getting anything out of the Q and A was because I knew it all.

The big thing to teach is to be a truth seeker. I transferred to a Catholic University because the questions college put in my head had me studying things I wasn’t getting credit for. I wanted to take theology courses.

I will say this. The greatest challenge that shook my faith was learning about cognative bias, that is our tendency to isolate our information to confirm our own beliefs. It made me question whether my resistence to doubt wasn’t just a result of this poor form of reasoning. But I ultimately decided that if I doubted everything to the degree I was being told I should doubt religion, than I could see that everything I knew was the result of social conditioning. This limitation wasn’t limited to religion. And the reality was I knew my doubts had more to do from ignorance. So of course, seek answers. Seek the truth. That’s what perserved my faith and made my faith grow deeper.

Encouraging ignorance and a fear of other opinions is a step toward encouraging people to see your beliefs as not being strong enough to stand up to reason. Why investigate at that point? Why search for answers to questions that people simply shame you for asking? That same makes it seem like there are no answers and that causes doubt to go unexamined and become unbelief.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Perhaps warn her about drinking to excess?

When I went to college, I commuted. But I really was amazed at the amount of alcohol kids consumed. I remember hearing about a girl who was supposed to attend a semiformal dance. She didn’t show up because she drank too much beforehand and passed out in the hallway of her dorm.

And if it isn’t a Catholic college she should perhaps join the Newman center.

When I was at uni the Catholics were the worst for this including some priests I have fond memories of a retreat weekend where the priest made his debut on the karaoke machine.

I was very lucky as there was a wonderful Catholic ministry at my university that really started me thinking seriously about my faith which up until then had been pretty lukewarm. Do you know if there is anything like this at her college? If so I would encourage her to take advantage of it.

 

[7_Sorrows]

How can someone explain the importance of that in one meeting or letter? The reality is that how an adult lives their faith will have a far greater impact than one simple meeting. The overall religious formation of a child is a lifelong thing. It’s a daily thing. If we reduce the faith to being a member of a club and burying our heads in the sand if we ever feel challenged in our faith, than that actually works against any real preparation for when we go out into the outside world.

I actually feel blessed that my religious education had been a bit neglected. Afterall, in 6th grade, my teacher dropped the religious class and told us we were being raised Catholic and knew what that was all about. Instead she spent the hour talking about peer pressure. I was then switched to the public school and the CCD class I was put involved the teacher giving up because everyone refused to do the homework and often didn’t bring their books. She turned it to a Q and A session but the questions the kids asked weren’t helpful. It was all “Why is this sinful?” So my parents homeschooled me but we hated the textbooks and decided to just talk about God but then that went to the wayside as well. I had two years of prep for confirmation and then failed an exam in college about world religions when it came to my own faith because I thought the reason I hated the texts and wasn’t getting anything out of the Q and A was because I knew it all.

The big thing to teach is to be a truth seeker. I transferred to a Catholic University because the questions college put in my head had me studying things I wasn’t getting credit for. I wanted to take theology courses.

I will say this. The greatest challenge that shook my faith was learning about cognative bias, that is our tendency to isolate our information to confirm our own beliefs. It made me question whether my resistence to doubt wasn’t just a result of this poor form of reasoning. But I ultimately decided that if I doubted everything to the degree I was being told I should doubt religion, than I could see that everything I knew was the result of social conditioning. This limitation wasn’t limited to religion. And the reality was I knew my doubts had more to do from ignorance. So of course, seek answers. Seek the truth. That’s what perserved my faith and made my faith grow deeper.

Encouraging ignorance and a fear of other opinions is a step toward encouraging people to see your beliefs as not being strong enough to stand up to reason. Why investigate at that point? Why search for answers to questions that people simply shame you for asking? That same makes it seem like there are no answers and that causes doubt to go unexamined and become unbelief.

It doesn’t have to be a one time meeting, but it opens a line of communication to the faith. I had an aunt and uncle who were the only practicing Catholics in my family.
I wish they would have opened up a line of communication to me about the Catholic
faith because I had so many questions before I was confirmed in the Episcopal church
and if they could have approached me and asked if I had any questions about the Catholic faith and how it differed from the Episcopal church at least I could have had information and seeds could have been planted.
Granted, the granddaughter could be very immature and stubborn and rebellious and abandon totally how she was raised, but I would hope that would not be the case. If the seeds are planted, she can decide whether to water them and grow.