B
BettyAnne
Guest
Im writing because I need advice on how to help my sister out of an abusive marriage. My sister has been married for like 13 years to an abusive man…so many stories so little space. Briefly, he was abusive from very early on in the relationship even though she didn’t really realize it, even now she doesn’t realize it started a long time ago. It was insidious at first, he was controlling and condescending. Then it escalated. I lived with them for like a month after I had moved to a city where they were living at the time. This was about 4 years into the marriage. There I witnessed how he berated and humiliated her all the time by calling her stupid because she would forget to do something or calling her ugly and telling her to cover up when she bought clothes etc. He did that to me a couple of times and she insisted it was because “he cares”. At the time it was her responsibility to work and take care of the household finances, keeping the house clean etc while he got his professional degree. I was young and I had never witnessed someone like this before (or since actually). One time he was scolding her in front of me and I had nowhere to go and didn’t know what to do, I said nothing, he snapped at me for “judging him” and kicked me out of their house with nothing. I literally had said nothing but he said he saw it in my eyes. For two years my sister and I did not speak. She started retreating, loosing all her friends etc. Its been 10 years of incidents like this.
Fast forward to today, she has children and she is in a precarious situation. She lost her job a year or so ago and she is basically living like a slave to her husband who mentally abuses her and manipulates her. He has cheated on her probably since half the time they have been married at least, he still is and is unrepentant about it. Some of the stuff I know is because recently she has begun to open up to me. More disturbing is that although he is a professional who makes very good pay, they are literally bankrupt, he runs up debt and spends like crazy on himself while my sister but more importantly their children go without. She has no access to money, he makes her beg for every cent he gives her, our family have all at some point paid their mortgage, bills, car payments, etc. Our parents have to buy groceries for them and personal items for her. Last month when the temperature dropped he didn’t have money to fix the heater in the home but I found out had money to go out of town with his mistress. My sister is devout and although she has begun to wake up, the thought of divorce is just paralyzing her. I don’t want to encourage her to do something she shouldn’t but I’m very scared for her and the children. Is this stuff even legal? Maybe he also beats her but IDK. What do I do? Any ministry I can call? I know I can pray but any other advice is welcome. Prayers are welcome too.
Fast forward to today, she has children and she is in a precarious situation. She lost her job a year or so ago and she is basically living like a slave to her husband who mentally abuses her and manipulates her. He has cheated on her probably since half the time they have been married at least, he still is and is unrepentant about it. Some of the stuff I know is because recently she has begun to open up to me. More disturbing is that although he is a professional who makes very good pay, they are literally bankrupt, he runs up debt and spends like crazy on himself while my sister but more importantly their children go without. She has no access to money, he makes her beg for every cent he gives her, our family have all at some point paid their mortgage, bills, car payments, etc. Our parents have to buy groceries for them and personal items for her. Last month when the temperature dropped he didn’t have money to fix the heater in the home but I found out had money to go out of town with his mistress. My sister is devout and although she has begun to wake up, the thought of divorce is just paralyzing her. I don’t want to encourage her to do something she shouldn’t but I’m very scared for her and the children. Is this stuff even legal? Maybe he also beats her but IDK. What do I do? Any ministry I can call? I know I can pray but any other advice is welcome. Prayers are welcome too.