Advise on homeless man

  • Thread starter Thread starter utah_rose
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
U

utah_rose

Guest
we took in a homeless friend more than six months ago after he was evicted from his apartment. He’s a nice guy, but has Some mental health issues, manic/depressive, and can’t seem to hold a job. Also he’s on disability, but can’t manage money. This was supposed to be a short term thing, but he hasn’t been looking for a job or other lodging. He’s very helpful as a handyman and has helped us out a lot, and we do pay him for this, and give him money for necessities when he needs it. He’s also without a car so has been driving our truck.

He has a heart of gold, always helping someone out and has artistic talent too. But we can’t get him to move out. We are both seniors and it’s affecting my husband’s health. What’s worse he’s a pack rat and has a lot of clutter around.

He’s Mormon but he won’t seek help from his bishop or aid from his church, and won’t go to Catholic Charities either. I need some good advice. Do you think God wants him there for a purpose? I’m afraid of him being homeless and out in the street.

Help!
 
Get in touch with your local social services agency and tell them your story. Good luck.
 
“Helping” and “enabling” are two different things. Currently it sounds as if you’ve been “enabling”.

You’ve mentioned that he has significant mental health issues. Most likely, this is not something you’ll be able to deal with on your own. You NEED to get him to a mental health professional. If he gets his medication and/or treatment sorted, it’s POSSIBLE he may be able to apply for a job. If that’s not the case, you may need to get a social worker involved to help figure out his options.

It’s not up to YOU to solve all of his problems, especially if he doesn’t want to solve them himself. If he refuses to take advantage of supports that are available to him, that’s HIS decision.
 
I once let a friend of mine stay in my apartment after she was thrown out of her parents’ home without warning. I was away at 5th grade camp at the time, so it was a few days before I got home and she had several totes of stuff in my kitchen. That was early October. In February, she was still there. In March, I got a new apartment.
 
on_the_hill said:
Get in touch with your local social services agency and tell them your story. Good luck.
Click to expand...
This^^^.
Also, tell him he MUST seek shelter elsewhere.
Don’t be afraid. You helped him when he was in a bad place. For the sake of his own dignity, take him to the Goodwill Industries. They place people who need jobs and help them find shelter.
 
Why would he move, when he is getting so much from you?
 
Is there a Good Neighbor Alliance near where you live? I have heard stories that they are very good. Maybe Catholic Charities? How about Salvation Army? I am not a fan of the SA but I have heard that they have shelters for homeless. Whether that is true or not, I do not know for sure.
 
Be prepared to have to evict him. You can give him a list of several shelters and charities that help out. But what you need to do is give him a letter (record yourself delivering it and keep a copy) giving him a date by which he needs to be out. If he’s not out by the given date, you’ll have to file in court to get an eviction order. I know that all seems like a lot of paperwork, but right now you need to cya. Otherwise he could go to the police and say you’ve locked him out of his home and have them let him back in.

I know it seems harsh but it sounds like this guy needs a kick in the pants.
 
Thank you for your advice. He had a meltdown last night because he couldn’t find his cat in our garage and threatened Us. We have no control over his cat and didn’t even know he was gone. He was in the driveway so we put him back in the garage. He hasn’t been back since, so we brought his cat in our home for safe keeping.

We have no idea where he is now. He may actually be in jail and that may be a good thing.

Meanwhile we did call a lawyer and got some advice.

This whole situation got out of hand, but we did want to help him, but can see now we’ve just been enabling him.

Please pray for us.
 
Might be time to change the locks and have a discussion outside of your home with this guy.
 
utah_rose said:
Thank you for your advice. He had a meltdown last night because he couldn’t find his cat in our garage and threatened Us. We have no control over his cat and didn’t even know he was gone. He was in the driveway so we put him back in the garage. He hasn’t been back since, so we brought his cat in our home for safe keeping.

We have no idea where he is now. He may actually be in jail and that may be a good thing.

Meanwhile we did call a lawyer and got some advice.

This whole situation got out of hand, but we did want to help him, but can see now we’ve just been enabling him.

Please pray for us.
Click to expand...
I’m glad you got a lawyer, because the way the law expects these things to be handled is rarely intuitively obvious. I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself about “just enabling” him. You can offer the same assistance to two people down on their luck, and for one it will be real help while for the other it will be an opportunity to take advantage of you to no one’s ultimate benefit. Now that you know better, do better, but don’t beat yourself up for your desire to show kindness to someone who needed it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top