Affair Resumes What Can I Do Now w/Church

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@4ourMyKids - I can totally relate. My ex still is an Extraordinary Eucharistic Minister at our parish, despite the fact that he’s the one who initiated the divorce and is actively dating (has been since BEFORE the civil divorce was final). I cannot for the life of me figure out why they continue to allow him to serve.
 
Crazy thing is, let me rephrase that. This whole thing is crazy. The other man’s wife keeps taking him back without batting an eye. She sent me an email saying she made love to her husband last night, like that’s a good thing. I mentioned that all you did was reward his behavior and that’s how they know both of them can continue to get away with it.
 
Last time, in December, same thing happened. Her response was “So” But your right, it still might hurt but she is hiding it well. I fully believe by her demeanor and by the OM’s wife allowing this to go on and rugsweep, she feels that she will be seeing him again soon enough.
 
Maybe even lie, and send an email to the other woman stating you made love to your wife, so she can show her husband. Could really burn him up and might give you an insight to how much they are talking.

Maybe it will produce some good evidence for the family court. At least enough to supena their work phone records.
 
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hoping4more said:
Maybe even lie, and send an email to the other woman stating you made love to your wife, so she can show her husband. Could really burn him up and might give you an insight to how much they are talking.

Maybe it will produce some good evidence for the family court. At least enough to supena their work phone records.
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If it goes to family court that he lied, that’s not going to do him any good at all.
 
Your wife may have ended the physical relationship and still have an inappropriate emotional relationship with this man.

I’d advise backing away from exchanging intimate information with “Bob’s” wife.
 
Trust me, won’t be any lying on my end. She doesn’t play by the rules but I still have standards and will hope by doing the right things, the just things … we’ll all get what’s coming to us down the road, good and bad, depending on which side of the fence we conducted ourselves 🙂
 
Yeah, doesn’t seem to be doing any good for anyone. But the relationship structure is more of a reverse from what I understand. More emotional last year and a lot more physical in the last 45 days.
 
Lied to a practical stranger?

To his wife or the judge or someone who matters; absolutely.

For all we know the OM’s wife lied and sent the email for this very reason…the hunters become the hunted.
 
His future ex could use the lie as evidence against his character. Fortunately, he’s too honest to make that very stupid move.
 
Yup, getting my hat handed to me in ‘real’ life but trying to keep a good standing with the eternal life gradebook 🙂
 
Had my meeting with Priest today. He was very surprised and saddened to hear affair was still going on. It was his understanding it had ended back in December. It was a good talk. He talked to me as my priest and at times took his ‘hat’ off to give advice as if he were my friend as well. He said he can’t so do much about her receiving communion or reading. That if she believes she’s not in sin and still does that it tells you the frame of mind she is in. He said he would have to rethink keeping her on committees he didn’t want someone who doesn’t truly represent the church’s teachings in that role. He is ok with me not to going to church with her anymore and is shocked we were still sitting together in the first place. He’s surprised at how laid back I am through all of this and can’t fathom how it’s not extremely nasty with us living under the same roof and me knowing what I know. He supports my plan to have her leave marital bedroom. Above all he’s saddened about the entire situation and talked about her situation after I described it as an obsession. And he now knows she will keep pursuing him even though wife keeps taking other man back. He seemed genuine about everything and had no idea the affair was back on. He could tell I truly haven’t moved on but said I need to stop banging my head against the wall but was happy I was focusing on kids and doing my best for them. Thoughts?
 
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Well, I am glad it was a good meeting. As you found out, he did not know it was still going on. I am sure you feel better knowing that he knows the whole story now.

I meant to say earlier, that you should not respond to the other wife’s emails at all. Nor should you discuss any of it with your wife.

Hang in there, and always put your children first. May God bless you.
 
Was doing the laundry last night and it looks as if their encounter on Wednesday was unprotected. Just when I think I’m strong and moving forward on emotionally it’s like I’m being stabbed in the heart repeatedly … All over again. I realize she’s sick and gone but it’s hard to stop the pain my love for her never stopped. I just need to keep focusing on what’s best for the kids and not allow my pain to draw me down to her level … Someone I wouldn’t be proud of or have my kids proud in me
 
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A wound never heals if one keeps picking off the scabs.

Wherever you are digging up these intimate details, just stop digging.

Consider for a moment, what is likely to happen. You and she divorce, he returns to his wife and leaves your wife abandoned and crushed (this is what happens most of the time, married me tell the other woman that they are going to leave their wives, but, they never intend to do it).

She is still the mother of your children, she will likely be the primary caretaker of your children, do you think that knowing all of the juicy tidbits of her humiliation will make you a more compassionate co-parent?
 
OP, it might be helpful for you to go to counseling while all of this is going on, someone to release all of your emotions and anxiety to that can look through unbiased eyes.

Also, if you can do it, daily mass, even just a couple of times a week if you can do it would be a great help and consolation to you.
 
Thank you. Counselling is every Tuesday and she has done a great job through all of this.
 
All four (hers, mine, kids) of our dirty clothes go into the same basket. I didn’t examine any clothes but when I put her pajamas and underwear in the wash that she wore that day and night. The pajama bottoms and underwear we’re soaked. Like they were precleaned and run through water before they even went into the hamper. None of the other clothes or the pajama top were wet.
 
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