Affection during courtship?

[cbrownell]

I have met an amazing, devout Catholic man whom I love very much. Neither one of us intend to have premarital intercourse, and I truly believe that both of us will be able to keep these intentions with God’s help. However, my question is must we eliminate all affection in our relationship to avoid entirely the occasion of sin? We have crossed the line in my mind a couple of times and sought reconciliation. Can someone provide some information about what the Church considers to be appropriate (and sinful) behavior for those in their 30s in a courting relationship? Most of what I’ve found in the library here seems to be geared toward teenagers. Also, can someone please explain what it means to be chaste in the context of marriage?

 

[LovingHim]

I have met an amazing, devout Catholic man whom I love very much. Neither one of us intend to have premarital intercourse, and I truly believe that both of us will be able to keep these intentions with God’s help. However, my question is must we eliminate all affection in our relationship to avoid entirely the occasion of sin? We have crossed the line in my mind a couple of times and sought reconciliation. Can someone provide some information about what the Church considers to be appropriate (and sinful) behavior for those in their 30s in a courting relationship? Most of what I’ve found in the library here seems to be geared toward teenagers. Also, can someone please explain what it means to be chaste in the context of marriage?

The same rules of pre-martial affection, both what is acceptable and what is sinful, remain the same, whether you are thirteen or thirty. The only thing that might change is it is highly inadvisable that a thirteen year old date, due to the fact that they would most likely have no intention of seeing their date as a future spouse.

Dating is for the purpose of seeking a future spouse. If you cannot see the person you are with as a future spouse, then you should cease dating them. There is certainly nothing wrong in remaining friends, but the other party should not be led on to believe that there could be hope for the two of you to be married one day in the future. Again, the same rules of chastity and the proper and improper signs of affection pre-marital still apply to those persons unmarried of all ages.

Here’s the most basic thought. If you wouldn’t want your parents, better yet Jesus Himself, to be in the room and watch what the two of you are doing pre-maritally, then you shouldn’t be doing those things.

Hope this helps.

 

[gam3rchic]

As to what is allowed between couples before marriage, I think it’s on a couple-to-couple basis. Granted, some things I think are wrong in all cases (fondling, etc) but as to how much “kissing” or “hugging” is allowed differs. If you two have “crossed the line” before, then you know what your boundaries are and should avoid them.

I know when DH and I were engaged, we avoided any kissing that was “passionate” in any way because even a little bit of that would escalate quickly between us and it was hard to stop. I’m sure there are some people who can do a little bit of that and be fine (maybe not, I dunno:shrug but for us, we couldn’t.

Avoid near occasions of sin between you too and you’ll be fine. You know what leads you two to “cross the line”, so avoid that behavior, stop well before you get close to it.