Affection - touching others

[exoflare]

According to a current issues update from the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), sexual harassment occurs, “when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.”

Well hooray for subjective and open-ended guidelines. I just can’t wait till the day when some Muslim complains that seeing women without their hair covered, or in clothes that leave revealed anything less than the face and hands is “interfering with his work performance”. (and yes I’ve heard some of them actually claim this, before people go and accuse me of exaggerating) They also consider it “offensive” so that’s definitely sexual harassment, right? No wonder society is getting to be so screwed up; you could potentially make a liability (and a frivolous lawsuit) out of just about anything if you wanted to.

 

[lizaanne]

He never said that these women are his bosses or that his employment or advancement on the job depends on these women. If they aren’t his bosses it isn’t sexual harassment.

Did you bother reading anything I posted? It clearly says that it can also include co-workers. it clearly says that even making a hostile work environment (read: uncomfortable). Sorry dude - you are totally wrong on this one.

~Liza

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

This is not sexual harassment. There’s a definition for sexual harassment and this ain’t it.

No. Sexual harassment can come from anyone in the workplace. Whether it is someone over you, equal to, or under you. This is the first thing they tell you in sexual harassment training.

I am a physically affectionate person, but I know it’s only for those who are comfortable, and NEVER in the workplace. Sexual harassment aside, it’s unprofessional.

 

[JimG]

Just going by my own experience, I would say that using sexual harassment regulations can lead to workplace paranoia. In my office, the regs were pretty much ignored, especially by women, until the point at which they were denied something they wanted–a job, a promotion, etc. Then a complaint would be filed, not so much to get what they wanted, but to get some kind of settlement in lieu of that. And regardless of the merits, there was a pretty good chance of that, since settlement is always cheaper than litigation.

As others have noted, there are all different kinds of hugs. I have known women in the workplace who are nearly incapable of greeting without a hug. But even then, it’s not every day thing.

 

[Newbie2]

Lighten up, let them hug you, deal with it.

And telling them no isn’t “dealing with it”?

Tell them, “You’re really repulsive. Don’t touch me.”

Problem solved.

Or use the Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) line:

“You’re mouthwash ain’t makin’ it”



But seriously, this could get you smacked.

Did you bother reading anything I posted? It clearly says that it can also include co-workers. it clearly says that even making a hostile work environment (read: uncomfortable). Sorry dude - you are totally wrong on this one.

~Liza

True. Any physical contact or attempted physical contact at work regardless of who is the hugger and who is the huggee, if the hugee objects, is harassment.

I would have loved to have women hug me at work, if I was still single. Not to make light of the OP’s situation…but seriously, hugging a person of the opposite sex that you work with is a come-on, unless one happens to be consoling another for a loss of a family member or something like that. It’s not like someone you’ve not seen in a long time.

Now I’m not a huggie-type person, my family has never been, but my wife’s family is. It’s taken 25+ years, and I’m getting “less uncomfortable” with it, but I understand the OP’s concerns.

Did it strike anyone else as somewhat rude that the hugging women aren’t heeding the OP’s polite request to refrain? Methinks a polite, “I’m not comfortable hugging” is a good next response.

Keep in mind, also, that one or more of these women could turn Mr. Hyde on the OP, and claim that he initiated all the hugging and that they objected to it! Guess who the boss will believe?

 

[Desertsailor]

No. Sexual harassment can come from anyone in the workplace. Whether it is someone over you, equal to, or under you. This is the first thing they tell you in sexual harassment training.

I am a physically affectionate person, but I know it’s only for those who are comfortable, and NEVER in the workplace. Sexual harassment aside, it’s unprofessional.

I really don’t know how anyone can intrepret a friendly hug as a request for sexual favors.

I don’t believe your interpretation of the definition of sexual harassment would work in a court of law.

 

[Newbie2]

I really don’t know how anyone can intrepret a friendly hug as a request for sexual favors.

I don’t believe your interpretation of the definition of sexual harassment would work in a court of law.

Try it sometime. Hug a girl or woman at work. Then do it again after she tells you not to.

Then get back to us on how that went for you.

“Unwanted physical contact” is all that is required. If it’s not defined as sexual harassment, it could be classified as assault (or battery, I forget which).

A “friendly hug” has cost employers and companies millions of dollars in such lawsuits.

But you go ahead and test your theory.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I really don’t know how anyone can intrepret a friendly hug as a request for sexual favors.

I don’t believe your interpretation of the definition of sexual harassment would work in a court of law.

There are multiple forms of sexual harassment. If the OP has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be hugged and they do it anyway, then yes, it’s sexual harassment. I believe it’s referred to as “hostile work environment” which is a legally defined term.

 

[Apollos]

And telling them no isn’t “dealing with it”?

That was on the assumption that he is overreacting. We as a culture have enshrined freedom from being offended as a divine right.

 

[Newbie2]

That was on the assumption that he is overreacting. We as a culture have enshrined freedom from being offended as a divine right.

Perhaps, but don’t you think there should be a distinction between being offended and being touched against one’s will?

And that assumption, methinks, in not valid. Now perhaps the OP didn’t get the message across forcefully enough, but not wanting to be hugged repeatedly by co-workers methinks isn’t overreacting by anyone’s standards.

 

[Desertsailor]

Try it sometime. Hug a girl or woman at work. Then do it again after she tells you not to.

Then get back to us on how that went for you.

“Unwanted physical contact” is all that is required. If it’s not defined as sexual harassment, it could be classified as assault (or battery, I forget which).

A “friendly hug” has cost employers and companies millions of dollars in such lawsuits.

But you go ahead and test your theory.

Consider yourself hugged.

 

[Newbie2]

Consider yourself hugged.

Hey, Sailor, I’m not that kinda guy.

 

[Desertsailor]

Hey, Sailor, I’m not that kinda guy.

Sorry it’s kinda hard to tell on a forum. Just don’t file on me.:hug1:

 

[musicality]

Disclaimer: OP: Please correct me if any of these assumptions are incorrect, but you seem to be in a situation that I have experienced before.

From what it sounds like to me, these girls are not your friends. They seem to be co-workers who happen to enjoy harassing you and taking advantage of you.

These girls are probably on “high” social ground and think that its fun to annoy you by asking for hugs and affection. Some girls honestly seek pseudo-sadistic enjoyment by making others uncomfortable. Also, it seems that they have little value for religion and probably see your devotion as quaint or “cute” in a way where they pity you for living a strait edged life.

I can tell you from experience that calm confidence is the best solution. In dealing with these women, stick to your guns.

“I don’t like the way you have been treating me. You intentionally make me feel uncomfortable. I’d appreciate it if you’d stop.”
They will likely question/deny the statements above. Remember to remain confident and calm, but most of all charitable.

I hope this helps! I’m a little groggy right now.